


The Queen's Victory

by Jeriddian



Category: The Queen's Gambit (TV)
Genre: Actual chess games, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Drug Addiction, Explicit Language, F/M, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:01:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 85,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28344324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jeriddian/pseuds/Jeriddian
Summary: She wanted the world championship. But to do that would require far more help than she needed to win the Moscow Invitational. Benny and the guys had helped her win, but could she count on them to go even further? Could she stay sober long enough to do it? And she had no idea what to do about Benny either. If she thought it was tough to beat Borgov this one time, how much farther does she have to go to take him in a grueling twenty-four game match?
Relationships: Beth Harmon/Benny Watts
Comments: 35
Kudos: 144





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have tried to remain as factually accurate as I could with the time period of the story, drawing references from both the novel and the series to interject into this sequel story with that historical background. I was also able to draw from expertise in several fields including chess, medicine, and psychiatry to try and enrich it as well. I thank you for taking the time to read, and hope this moves you as much as it moved me when I wrote it.

Beth Harmon felt more at peace than she could ever remember. She looked out the window of the Aeroflot jet heading toward Orly airport in France gazing down at the countryside underneath racing by, her mind going over the last week, the most wonderful experience of her life. She was supposed to have flown out yesterday morning, the day after the tournament concluded with her victory over Borgov, but because she took that walk on a whim and spent the rest of the afternoon in the park, the flight had to be rescheduled to the next day. It caused a bit of a flurry with the embassy and the State Department, but they managed to make all of the arrangements.

The lull of the plane engines was soothing. Booth, the State Department man assigned to her for the Invitational did not speak to her, absorbed in whatever he was reading, and probably still annoyed at her for screwing up his schedule. This suited her just fine. She just wanted to be alone, remembering the day before, playing chess. Just playing chess for the fun of it. She had played game after game with the old men in the park, a different one each time, feeling content, safe, at peace within her world of sixty-four squares. Even as she beat them, they were happy to see how she had done it, and she loved just analyzing the games with them, showing them the lines of play that she saw, enjoying their excitement every time when they saw what she was showing them

Her Russian was still poor, and she asked pardon for mangling the language as she spoke to them, but they were very understanding and tolerant of her. Fortunately, she did understand most of what they were saying, so they were able to communicate fairly well. Booth, of course, was close by watching over her, and at those times she didn’t understand he stepped in and interpreted back and forth.

When she played the games, she was pleased that each of her opponents recorded their moves very carefully. They wanted to study the game for the next time they encountered the same position. But also, they wanted to have proof they really played the great ‘Liza Harmon’. She felt honored that they used the diminutive form of her name. Such use would normally happen only between people who are well acquainted with each other and between relatives. Between strangers it would be rude, but the old men were telling her that they knew her, accepted her, admired her, that she was now one of their own.

After each game, the opponent gently bowed to her as they shook her hand, smiling. By the end of the day, a large crowd had gathered around to watch, and even a few reporters and photographers were there to record the event. Many of them were autograph seekers and her driver who thought she looked like Ann-Margret had called in extra men to keep the crowd from getting too uncontrolled. Booth later told her he was KGB, but she had already guessed that. She signed autograph after autograph after she finished playing, several times between games. When she did that back home, she was always a little apprehensive. She didn’t trust people being this close to her normally, feeling threatened. But here she was completely relaxed with no fear, none whatsoever, only a feeling of pure joy and contentment, because they were the same as her. They were chess players. She kept thinking ‘These are my people’.

When she finally had to leave at sunset, she was still signing autographs until Booth urgently told her they needed to go. She was amazed that almost all of the people were still there. She apologized, explaining she had to leave. Her Russian, though broken, was good enough to convey how heartfelt she was at their acceptance of her, and that she hoped to be able to return and do it again. They applauded once more, and many of the old men again bowed respectfully, the joy evident on their faces as they uttered their _dasvedaniyas_ to her. Another solid round of applause and cheering came from the crowd as she was literally escorted back to the hotel by them like a parade. The park wasn’t that far away from it. When they reached the hotel she turned and waved again. Another round of applause and cheering greeted her before she went inside, Booth and the driver had stayed on either side of her watching for any trouble. She felt like she was in heaven, and had not ever felt this fulfilled and happy. Everything made sense here.

Like the Russians, Booth had kept watch over her the entire time she was there, making sure that no threat got near her. He later told her she was so popular in Russia right now that there would probably would have been another Russian revolution if anything had happened to her. Apparently, even General Secretary Brezhnev was aware of the situation and had made it known she was to be safeguarded. Of course, the Russian government certainly did not want to have any kind of diplomatic incident with the U.S. if something happened to their number one player who had just beaten the World Champion on his home court.

The Russian people had truly adopted her as one of their own. She had not talked about any political subjects to the press, In fact she made it clear she did not want to talk on that subject at all, nor did she try to impress any kind of American superiority. She was there to play chess, nothing else, so there was no antipathy toward her for being American. In their minds she was just this wonderful, beautiful girl who played the Russian national game they loved with an excellence and dignity rarely seen. They saw this as a form of respect for, even confirmation, of their own way of life. 

On the plane, Booth handed her a copy of _Pravda._ The front page had a picture of her playing one of the old men, alongside a face portrait of Borgov. She tried to read the article, but could not make out much. She still had trouble with the Cyrillic characters, and promised herself she was going to do better at reading and speaking the language. When she asked Booth about it, he said the article was very complementary toward her.

This was the world she wanted to be in. She wished she could have lived in that park with the old men. They understood her. She understood them. Their world held no danger.

Unfortunately, she had to leave. She didn’t know how she would exactly get back, but if there was a chance there was really just one way she could do it. She had to go for the world championship. It made no difference to her there had never been a female world champion, nor had there ever been one as young as her. These were insignificant details in her mind.

Why it was possible was simple. She had beaten Borgov, proven he was not invincible. The more she thought about it, she saw she could do it again. But the Russian Federation would be paying a lot more attention to her now. They had no idea how good she really was before the tournament. Now they did, and they would not be surprised a second time. She hoped they wouldn’t anticipate how much more she was sure she would improve.

She had no plan exactly how she would do that, though; right now she didn’t want to think about it. She just wanted to enjoy the feeling of calm and satisfaction of the moment. Her mind went back to Borgov. Ever since she first read about him in _Chess Review_ years ago, he was in her mind this incredible cold hearted domineering machine who crushed everyone and everything in his path. He was truly unbeatable and this was the one thing that really frightened her. She could feel the moments of terror over the three games they had already played, her stomach tying up in knots whenever she saw the listing on the tournament board showing him as her next opponent, then sitting across the board from him almost made her panic and run out of the room.

When she saw him at the zoo in Mexico City with his wife and son, that was the first inkling that he was more than this merciless unfeeling monster. But it was the moment when Borgov gave her his black king, hugged her, and then applauded with everyone else, that had truly astonished her.

She had to control herself from breaking down in pure happiness, her eyes tearing up as she struggled not to cry. Yes, Borgov as an opponent was tougher than iron, unfeeling with that expressionless face, unyielding and unforgiving, the most dangerous, and the best player she had ever faced. But she had never suspected this side of him also existed, so empathic and giving, so human, so accepting of her without any judgement.

***

She really did not want to go to the White House but there was no way to avoid it. She wore the Navy Blue dress with the white trim that she had played in at the tournament. It was dry cleaned for her while she slept in the hotel overnight. There had been a crowd at Dulles that cheered her when she deplaned, but thankfully she was met by US Secret Service and taken directly to her hotel, bypassing all the gawkers and their autograph books and signs. The hotel was nice, though not as nice as it was in Russia.

When she entered the White House the next morning, she was met by the Press Secretary and informed of the order of events. She would be brought into the Oval Office where the President would congratulate her on her victory, then several legislators would be brought in and introduced to her. The press would come in last and they would witness a short game between her and the President. Pictures would be taken of the event in various poses, looking over the game in play, shaking hands, and standing with other politicians.

When everything was ready, she was ushered in. The President was sitting behind his desk, and he stood to greet her with a genuine smile, the Vice President just behind him.

“Miss Harmon. It is a such a delight to meet you.”, he said in his Texas drawl, “I’m sure you know who this is.”

Beth shook hands with the President first and then turned and shook hands with the Vice President as well, murmuring, “It’s nice to meet you both, sir.”

The President continued, “I want you to know that the entire country is behind you in your career, and we congratulate you on your brilliant victory. I’m sure we’ll see more great things in the future with you and hopefully a resurgence of American chess.”

Beth quietly thanked him again.

“Now, I confess that I don’t play chess. I tried to learn it once, but I just didn’t have the mind for it. The Vice President does know how to play.”

“Not very well, I’m afraid, Miss Harmon,”, he replied with a smile and a chuckle.

“He’s agreed to be your sacrificial lamb for the game today.”, the President said. 

The all laughed quietly as she nodded, understanding.

“When did you start playing chess, young lady?”

“I was nine, Mr. President.”

“My word, nine years old. I understand you grew up in an orphanage in Kentucky.”

“Yes sir. I learned how to play chess from the janitor.”

“He must be very proud of you now.”

Beth looked down a moment before facing the President again.

“I think he would be, sir. But he passed away a while ago.”

The President lost his smile, “My condolences, Miss Harmon. I didn’t know.”

“It’s all right, sir. Thank you for the kind words.”

“Very well.”, he replied, smiling again. He turned to the Press Secretary.

“Okay, let’s bring the herd in.”

She opened the door and people started coming in, so many it got quite crowded, which set Beth on edge. She never liked crowds, especially if their attention was on her. It still seemed remarkable to her that she did not feel that way in the park in Moscow.

The President began introducing her to several members of Congress and a couple of senators. She shook hands and smiled as they filed past her. The Press had also come in behind them and were now snapping pictures, the flash bulbs irritating her further. She could not remember any of the names of the people she met past the Speaker of the House. By the time she finished shaking hands, she was starting to get sweaty and nervous. The chess set was just in front of the desk. The Vice President played the white pieces; the game was over in thirteen moves.

Everyone clapped at the win as the Vice President laid his king down on the board.

The press continued to snap dozens of pictures of her standing by the board, next to the President and Vice President. Reporters asked her the same inane questions. 

“ How did it feel to beat the Russians at a sport they’ve dominated for the last twenty years?”

“I’m just glad to win, whether it’s against the Russians or anybody else.”

“What did you do to prepare for the tournament?”

“I studied the games of the other competitors, to learn their styles and look for any possible weaknesses.”

“Did the Russians have any weaknesses you could exploit?”

She shook her head, “No, they didn’t. That’s why they’re the best in the world at it. I think they just weren’t expecting me to be strong enough to compete with them.”

“There’s never been a woman world champion. How does it feel to be one.”

She looked at the reporter momentarily with anger, about to jump down his throat, but quickly controlled it.

“That’s not how it works. I am not the World Champion. Vasily Borgov is the World Champion and has been for the past eight years. Yes, I won one game against him, but he has beaten me twice. One game alone does not determine who holds the title. The championship is determined every three years. There is a qualifying tournament for the best challengers. Eight are chosen from that tournament and they play a single elimination series of matches. The winner of that gets the right to challenge the champion in a twenty four game match.”

The President interrupted momentarily, looking squarely at the reporter, “As to your other inference, I should say the fact she’s a woman is irrelevant. In fact I believe Miss Harmon did mention at one time that it was easier to play chess without the burden of an Adam’s Apple.”

Everyone in the room laughed except the reporter. 

“Do you have plans to compete for that opportunity then, to challenge him for the title?”, the reporter asked.

She paused a second before answering, “Every serious chess player always aspires to do just that.”

“Will you next year?”

She shook her head, “I haven’t competed in enough tournaments to qualify for this coming year’s championship.”

“What about the next one in ‘72?”

She smiled as she paused again in answering, “Mikhail Tal was the youngest official world champion in history at the age of twenty-five, and the next youngest was in his mid-thirties. I’m only nineteen. We’ll just have to see.”

There was more laughter and then the Press Secretary announced that was all the time they had. The press and photographers filed out as did the legislators, each of them shaking her hand again and congratulating her once more. When they were all gone, the President turned back to her.

“Young lady, it has been a genuine pleasure to meet you. I wish I had more time to hear your fascinating story, but there’s work to be done here, I’m afraid. I do wish you a lot of luck in your endeavors.”

Thanking them once more, she shook both their hands and was escorted out by the Press Secretary. As she was led outside, the Press Secretary smiled and thanked Beth for coming, wishing her luck as well. The Secret Service then drove her back to her hotel and she was done. The reception at the Russian Chess Club in Georgetown had been the previous night and could not be rescheduled. She was only too delighted to miss it. An afternoon flight back to Lexington took her home.

At Blue Grass Airport, she exited the plane and was stepping down the boarding ramp stairs as she heard the marching band suddenly start playing. She had been looking down, watching her step, and was startled. She paused and looked up, wondering what was going on when she saw the signs ‘Welcome Home Beth Harmon!’ and “Kentucky’s Native Daughter!’, among others. Her cheeks reddened. She paused a moment and let out a heavy breath, then continued on down the ramp where she was met by excited, smiling people who started shaking her hand.

Two state police officers put themselves at her side, obviously her official escort. The first person to meet her was the mayor, shaking her hand energetically with an enthusiastic smile on his face. He started talking immediately, saying how wonderful it was to have such a great competitor and lovely young lady represent Kentucky and Lexington to the world. He continued to drone on, but she didn’t hear him. She wanted nothing more than to get away from them all. After shaking hands with so many more people she was sure she would never see again, she again endured the press asking the same questions with photographers snapping away, She shook hands with the mayor a few more times so they could get the shot. A large brass key on a small base with a plaque on it was presented to her, noting she was being given the ‘key to the city of Lexington’, along with the date.

Eventually she was able to beg off, saying she was tired and needed to go home, and the official welcome was finished. She was escorted by state police through the terminal as they called a taxi for her. People were still following and pestering her, wanting autographs or to talk. She continued to beg off as much as she could, but they did not let up. She kept thinking how the Russians were so much more polite and respectful, even the enthusiastic women who greeted her before and after the games at the auditorium hall. Finally, she had to excuse herself and go to the restroom. Fortunately, no one else was in there, and the state police guarded the door so nobody else came in. She leaned over a sink and stared at her reflection in the mirror above it, seeing her eyes were red and tired. She dampened her neck with some water, dried off, and took some deep breaths relaxing as much as possible. When she felt better, she quickly went out and got past the crowd with the help of the police, and they guided her to the taxi taking her home.

Before she left, she dumped the ‘key’ into the restroom’s trash container.

***

“Did you really say that ‘bout Deardorff?”, Jolene blurted out over the phone.

“Yep, I did.”

“Really? That she liked being cruel to the girls?”,

“Well, it’s true, you know.”, Beth said smiling.

“I know! But man, you are cold, girl! I ‘bout peed my pants when I read it!”

Beth laughed with her. She sounded good, and she was looking forward to seeing her again.

“That was a nice thing you said ‘bout Shaibel, too.”

“Well, they didn’t print it in the _Life_ interview. I made them promise to do it this time.”

“Good for you. Now you’re not just U.S. champion. You beat the World Champion too.”

“But that doesn’t make me World Champion. To do that, I have to become an candidate, beat the other candidates, and then play him twenty-four games with the first one to 12½ games winning.”

“Huh....They sure make you earn it.”

“Yep. That’ll be in a little over three years or so. Borgov will face a challenger this coming year. I wasn’t able to qualify soon enough for that, which is just as well. I just don’t want to think about it right now.”

“Are you going to do it in three years?”

“I am thinking about that, yes.”

“If you don’t, what will you do?”

Beth shrugged mentally, “I don’t know. Probably go and play tournaments, earn money.”

“Like that Benny fellow you told me about? So are you going to do that as a couple?”

Beth began to regret telling her about him. They had slept together a few times. It was fairly enjoyable, at least more than it had been with the other two men with whom she had slept, and with them she had only done it once. Sometimes it was not so good with Benny either.

“We’re not a couple, Jolene. He was training me for Moscow. We work together as collaborators.”

“Ain’t that just another word for roommates?”

Beth huffed at her, “Damnit, Jolene!”

“I’m just saying......”, she replied passively, “Are you going to be all right?”

“Yeah........yeah. I will be.”

“I’m just a phone call away.”

“I know.”

“Okay, Talk to you later. We’re gonna do some racquetball on Saturday, right?”

Beth had to laugh, “What are you now? My own personal trainer?”

“Well, of course! Don’t chess players got to stay in shape?”

“Not that way!”

“I disagree. So you meet me, Saturday.”

“All right.”, Beth said smiling to herself, “I’ll see you Saturday.”

“Okay, See you. Bye.”

“Bye.”

She smiled as she hung up the phone. Jolene always could cheer her up, even if she was aggravating Beth in some way like forcing her to exercise. But she was in Louisville, which still saddened her to be that far away, making it hard to see her.

When she had gotten home, there had been a convoy of reporters waiting on her. She told them she had no statement and walked into the house without answering a question. But they kept knocking at the door, tapping on the window trying to get her attention, until she finally had to call the police to get them to stop. The police did come and clear them out. But it had gotten her severely stressed. Without thinking, she went upstairs and opened up a bottle of pills. She caught herself. As she told Townes, she didn’t need them any more. And she was sure of it.

So why did she still have the urge? The high of winning the tournament had worn off now. Her stress level had come up really bad again, having had to go through that airport mess and all these reporters. God, she hated it.

She looked at the pills for a second and put them back in the bottle, then stashed it back in the medicine cabinet. It was getting crowded. There was a box of Polident in the back which she hadn’t seen before. She remembered Alma had used that stuff to clean her dentures. She pulled that out and threw it away to make more room. She might need to get more pills.

She had to keep herself busy to keep from getting overwhelmed by those thoughts, so she started cleaning up the house. But there was still a lot to do after she did just a few chores, and it was getting late. She thought ‘Tomorrow’ for the rest of them. She looked in the refrigerator and found some romaine lettuce, parmesan cheese, and a few roma tomatoes. She cut these up and made a small salad for herself. There was a six pack of beer. She stared at it a while, wanting to chug one, then closed the refrigerator door and poured water into a glass. She sat down on the sofa, eating her salad, and started going through the mail that had piled up. This diet thing that Jolene had her on was going to kill her. God, she wanted a good burger.

The phone rang and she cursed softly under her breath. It had to be another reporter.

‘Dammit, I should have just left the thing off the hook!’, she thought.

“ _What is it?_ ”, she spat into the receiver.

“Hey......I figured you’d beat me back.”

“Townes! You’re back too?

“Yeah. Sorry about calling so late, but I tried calling before and it was always busy.”

“No, I’m sorry. The phone was off the hook. I’m trying to avoid the reporters.”

“I don’t blame you, especially since I am one.”

She smiled, as he laughed.

“Listen, I’d love to see you again, and the paper wants an exclusive if you will let me.”

“Sure! How about tomorrow?”

“Great. Lunch?”

“That’s fine.”

“I’ll come by your house.”

“I’ll cook. Okay?”

“Sure.”

***

He was only about five minutes late. She took the trouble to go to the market that morning and buy some steaks and potatoes. She grilled them both, timing it right for when he arrived. She answered the door, immediately hugging him close, staying that way for a long time. 

When they released each other, he asked, “ How are you?”

She smiled, “I’m doing okay. Medium rare on the steak?”

He laughed, “That’s fine, Just how I like it.”

She went and pulled the steaks out and set them on the plates along with the potatoes. There was cheddar cheese, butter, chives, and sour cream already on the table. She opened a beer from the six pack she bought for him and put the bottle next to his plate, then got herself a glass of milk.

As they ate, he asked her viewpoints on the tournament, and her assessment of the matches and the opponents with everything being recorded on a portable tape recorder. When they finished, he helped her with the dishes. Then they went upstairs and he snapped some pictures of her with her chessboard.

When he was finished, he packed his equipment, making ready to go. Beth kept looking at her bed.

He noticed, “What are you thinking?”

She got embarrassed.

“It’s...........different from the last time we did this.”, she said.

He looked at the bed, then looked down as he smiled, the way he always did. She loved it when he did that.

He was still smiling when he looked back up, “Yes, but we are still friends, right?”

She looked back at him expectantly, but then nodded, “Yes, we are friends. I just kind of wished....that.....”

“I know.”, he said, “But you understand why I can’t.”

Her lips compressed to thin line as she reluctantly nodded again.

“I didn’t know exactly how, you know, to handle it. But it’s good to see you.”, she said.

“It's okay, and I would like to get together with you every now and then too, just to see how you’re doing.”

“I’d like that. Will the other guys come by?”

“Yes. Matt and Mike should be by soon.”

“Guess I’ll have to go to New York to see the others?”

“You mean Benny?”

“Well, him too, of course.”, she said uncomfortably.

“Beth, I know you spent those weeks in New York training with him.”

“He was just training me. We aren’t, uh, intimate..... uh, not now anyway.”

“I heard differently.”

She stared at him, ‘Did Benny say some―”

“No.”, Townes said firmly, “Benny would never do that. He's not the kind to kiss and tell. It was Cleo."

She grimaced, “Yeah. Don’t believe everything she says. She’s pretty much been involved with everyone there, it seems like.” She kept thinking she should not have spent that one night with Cleo herself.

“Uh, did he say anything?”, she added.

He grinned, “Only to say he’d call you. I was wondering why you didn’t call him.”

Her face fell.

“I couldn’t......I can’t”, she said, stone faced like she always got with unpleasantness, “I was always calling him, you know, asking him for help. I was like this whiny kid who wouldn't stop bothering him."

"I don't think that's how he looked at it. He called you more than you called him, right? At least that's what he said."

"Yeah, maybe. It didn't matter. I finally wore out my welcome. He was so pissed when I gave back the money to that Christian group. He told me to never call him again.”

“Well, Benny was never that sociable, you know.”

She blinked and replied, “He isn’t? It seems like he is. He's got a lot of friends.”

He chuckled low and said “I got the impression that whatever the two of you have was a good thing. So, are you friends too, or what?”

She grimaced again and looked away as she said, “I don’t know. In any case I think he considers me to be too much trouble.”

“Do you want to be with him?”

She did not want to discuss this with him. He was the one she wanted, and she didn’t like her having slept with someone else being a topic of discussion here.

He saw her frown slightly and duck her head, then he said, “Beth, it’s okay. If that’s what you want, I’m happy for you.”

“It’s not like that. We’re......just collaborators.....”

“.....that slept with each other.”

“It’s not like I want him or anything!”

He smiled that incredible smile she so loved, “If that’s the way you feel, there’s nothing wrong with that.”

She pulled her lips to one side of her face, “It’s okay, Townes. We’re both cool with it.”

“And he did help with Moscow at the end.”

“Yeah.....I still can’t believe he did it. I’m so glad you got him to agree to do that.”

Townes shook his head.

“You got it wrong. I didn’t arrange anything. It was all Benny.”

Stunned, she gawked, “It was Benny? How?”

“He was trying to find a way to get to the tournament, to be your second, even after your little ‘blow up’ with him, whatever that was. But it was last minute and he couldn’t swing it. He didn’t have the money, and couldn’t get the tickets in time. We know each other from _Chess Review_ and he thought I could help since I’m in the Press Corps, so he called me. I was planning on going anyway, but I wasn’t allowed to bring anyone with me. You know he practically ordered me to get on the damn plane and get to Russia? Then he called Mike and Matt to come....”

“He knows Mike and Matt?”

“Beth, he knows everybody. He got Levertov and Wexler to come in too. He threatened them all at knife point with that little paring knife he always carries around if they didn’t come help!”, he said laughing.

“But you know they all would have done it anyway. They knew they couldn’t help much if you completed your games, but they could go over the games of the others that were completed to give you insight on whomever you would play next. The important thing though was that if there was an adjournment, they had time to get the position from the papers and start analyzing it, like with the game with Borgov.”

“Benny did that?”, she said in wonder.

“Beth, he’s not pissed at you, at least not now.”

Her face was blank, not quite believing, “I’m.....I didn’t think that.....”

Townes looked at her slyly.

She slowly shook her head, “No, Townes. He’s the original chess bum. He dates other women all the time. He doesn’t want any.......entanglements. I don’t either. We’re just friends.”

“....that went to bed...”

She colored with embarrassment, “Are you going to keep harping on that?”

“There’s nothing wrong with you having a relationship with him.”

“Townes, there’s nothing more to it than that! I not expecting anything more. Neither is he.”

“You’re sure?”

She just stared at him with an annoyed look, “Why are you pushing this?”

He grinned and held his arms out, gathering her into a big hug.

“Just be open to the whole situation. You never know. You could actually break his heart.”

She snorted, “Townes! Really, it’s not that serious.”

“Maybe, but you really do have a way of breaking hearts, you know.”

In his embrace she rolled her eyes, “Really? You’re going to throw that back at me?”

He pulled back, chuckling, still holding her arms, “What are friends for?

She grinned, playfully punching his arm.

“I think you two look good together.”

“But you’re the one I want!”, she said with a smirk.

He laughed, “You already have me!”

She looked back up at him with a mischievous face, smiling, but didn’t reply.

“I’ll call you.”, he said, “We’ll have lunch sometime.”

“Okay.”

He kissed her lightly on the cheek, a friend’s kiss or a brother’s.

They went downstairs and he waved at her as he went down the walk. She waved back and slowly shut the door, then watched from the window as he drove away, thoughts of regret briefly dancing in her mind. She got back into her routine of cleaning house.

That took the rest of the day. As the sun set, she again made herself dinner, just boiling a couple of eggs with toast and eating them with salt and butter before heading upstairs. She decided to go to sleep early, changing into pajamas and getting into bed. There was a copy of _Chess Review_ on her night stand and she opened it and started to read, trying to find a game that was interesting. She found a couple that halfway intrigued her, and she could easily see the mistakes the analysts missed. She played the games out in her head with the corrections to see where they would go. Both times, the other side won if the mistake had not been made.

She began to think about this. What if instead of looking for the moves that won the games, what about looking for the moves that lost the game? She tossed this idea around in her head for awhile trying to figure out how to use it, when a loud knocking at the door startled her. She put on her dressing robe and headed downstairs cautiously, hoping this wasn’t some damn reporter really making a nuisance of himself. Then she heard a voice yell “Come on, Beth! Open up!”

She recognized that voice. Surprised, she ran up and opened the door and there they were. Mike, Matt, and Harry. They had beer, wine, snacks, barbeque, and pizza to celebrate. They immediately cheered and each one hugged her as they came in. Mike and Matt filed into the house and started setting things up in the kitchen. Harry brought up the rear. Beth grabbed his hand. He turned and looked at her. She led him back out onto the porch. Her face was scrunched up and apologetic, and it was clear this was hard for her.

“Hey, Harry...”

He smiled at her, “Hi, Beth.”

She bit her lip, looking contrite as she smiled, saying softly, “Thank you, Harry. You were right. I did need help. I didn’t mean to, you know, to get intimate like that, without.... Well, it was wrong of me..."

“You don't have to apologize. I wanted it, too.”, he replied tenderly, “Remember, I fixed my teeth and waited for you, just to see if we could.”

“But I know I hurt you, and... ....I’m sorry.”

Harry took her into a warm embrace, still smiling and looking relieved, “It’s okay. Nobody’s to blame. We gave it a shot and sometimes things like that just don’t work out. I’m just happy that you got help for the drinking and the pills. You’re better. Just stay that way, please?”

She nodded, “I will, and I meant what I said. You really did help me a lot.”

“I know.”

He kissed her gently on the cheek. They both knew they wouldn’t go down that road that again. The guys had set up the food on the kitchen counter readily digging into some of it and opening up the alcohol. Beth got some orange juice from the fridge.

“Levertov and Wexler send their best.”, said Matt.

“So does Benny.”, added Mike.

She paused at bringing out glasses, looking pensive.

“He stayed in New York?”

“Yeah, he said he didn’t have the money. But he’ll call you later, said he would. Now you have to show us the games. I want to know your thinking. Let’s start at the beginning with Laev.”

Oddly, she felt disappointed, but said nothing. Harry went and got her chessboard, setting it up on the counter next to the food. They ate and drank as he set up the pieces. Then they spent the rest of the evening going through games. They had barely gotten to the Luchenko game when Beth had to call it a night. It was after midnight. The guys wrapped things up. They would get together with her another night to do the rest of the games. Harry was the last to leave and she gently grabbed his arm again.

“Harry, really, was Benny all right? I mean....”

Harry nodded thoughtfully, “I know he was pissed at you, but he was adamant you needed a second. That’s what brought him around. I think everything will be fine between you two now.”

“When he wanted me to come back to New York, it was just.......I was so, you know, messed up. I just couldn’t do it. I had to be by myself, and I thought he didn’t want to see me again.”

“Beth.”, he said, looking drollful, “He led the charge to make all of us your seconds.”

She nodded, “I know. Townes told me. I still can’t believe he did that."

“If it’ll help, you know the guys and I will always be there for you, right? As for Benny, well, he’ll call.”

“Really? So do you still think I'm Paul Morphy, then?"

He nodded, smiling wider, "Morphy didn't have someone like Benny helping him out, though, or us. We're here to help you, okay?"

She smiled back at him, feeling a little more relieved, then kissed him on the cheek, saying "Thank you". He said “bye” and went out the front door. She slowly closed it behind him, feeling better. In the kitchen, she cleaned up the leftover mess and put the chess board back on the coffee table. She was glad Harry and she were still friends, thinking she really made a mess of that, and he still forgave her for it.

Benny was something else. She remembered that disastrous night in Paris, going through the drunken binge with Cleo. Cleo had came straight out and asked if she liked fucking Benny. She had answered, “sometimes.” She did like fucking Benny, sort of. He was able to make her have an orgasm occasionally, but the way they interacted was sort of wooden and unfeeling. She was hesitant and leary as he approached her and she didn't respond very emotionally to him. He seemed to pick up on that, and didn't like it that much either. At least it seemed that way to her. It pissed her off, but it also appeared to be what he wanted. He would just go to sleep afterward, unless he wanted to talk about chess, which simply ruined the night for her. If that was what making love was, she wasn’t sure she wanted to do it any more. It was more trouble than it was worth.

She was in love with Townes, and that was not going to go anywhere. She did have feelings for Benny, but it was more like she was fond of him, and as far as Benny was concerned, Cleo was right in that his first love was himself. She saw that. But something changed after Paris. He was so insistent on her coming back to New York. After she got home, they would talk on the phone a lot, helping her to prepare for Moscow, advising her on what to do. He kept asking her to come to New York. She begged off, saying that she really needed to stay and take care of the house and other things. Then he said he missed her. She just didn’t know how to answer that. She didn't understand what he wanted with her.

She thought again about the way she treated both Benny and Harry, and she felt hurt. Did she do something wrong after all? It made her agitated, and before she knew it she went upstairs and took two of the pills. She swore she wasn’t going to do it. She didn’t need them anymore. But she still took them. There was still a few bottles of wine from when the boys came over. She opened one up and started chugging it, then went up to bed. Her thinking got cloudy enough she could see the board on the ceiling. She played the games from the Invitational which soothed her anxiety and anger.

She was on her third bottle when there was an impatient knocking on the door. Annoyed, she looked at the clock. It was 1:53 in the morning. Did the guys come back? What if it was a reporter? If it was, he was about to get an earful. The knocking picked up again. Now irate, she got up, put her robe on, and went downstairs. She was careful not to slip. The knocking started up yet again and she got angry, muttering, “ _I’m coming, I’m coming._ ”

She opened the door and said impatiently, “ _Damnit! What do you guys want now―_?”

Benny was leaning against the door jamb on his arm, looking down at the floor. Still in his leather hat and jeans wearing his ever present leather coat, his eyes came up to hers looking askance as he seemed to pout. 

“Benny!?”, she cried, “I... ....I thought you were going to call!”

He sighed, compressing his lips into a line, “Yeah, well, this is me calling. I had to get in a couple of poker games to get the money to come out.”

She stared at him, eyes wide, “Benny, I’m―”

“You’re drunk again.”

She stared at him, then realized she was still holding the wine bottle. It made her angry.

“Fuck you, Benny! If you don’t like it, go back to New York!”

“Beth, don’t...”

“Don’t what? You don’t get to judge me!”

She tried to shut the door, but he stopped it as she walked away from it, trudging upstairs. He followed, closing the door behind him.

“I’m not judging you. I told you if you wanted to get drunk, that’s fine. It’s better if you do it when I’m around.”

“I don’t care! It’s still none of your business!”

She went into her bedroom and slammed the door shut, but he ignored it, opening it and walking through.

“Damn it, Benny! This is my bedroom! Get out!”

“Not going to happen. Do you have any more wine?”.

“Why?”

“In case you need more. I’ll go get it for you. Look, if you need to get bombed, go ahead. I just want to be here to keep you safe. That’s all.”

She glared at him.

“Fine! Downstairs, in the cabinet above the sink.”, she muttered.

“Okay. When you finish that one, I’ll go get more.”

Beth just shook her head, grumbling, removed her dressing robe and then climbed back into bed. She lay propped up on the head board, and kept taking swigs from the wine bottle. She didn’t quite finish it before she passed out.


	2. Chapter 2

Beth woke up with a terrible headache. Raising her head, she squinted into the sunlight and looked around. Benny had pulled up one of the chairs by the bed and was sleeping in it. She groaned from the pain, and he woke up and looked at her.

“Do you have any aspirin?”, he asked softly.

Her vision was still fuzzy. She stared, trying to get his features sharpened in her mind.

“In the medicine cabinet over the sink.”, she croaked.

He went into the bathroom, opened up the cabinet, and stopped. He saw almost the entire cabinet filled with pill bottles, all with the same medicine, the tranquilizers. He hesitated, aching inside at seeing the pills there. He halfway thought to just throw them out. But then she'd just get pissed off and get more of them. He saw the aspirin bottle and got it, closing the cabinet door. He took a glass and filled it, then came back. He gave her two tablets which she took and washed down. Then she turned over and lay on her back, looking exhausted. Benny sat back down. Beth soon rolled over and after a time went back to sleep.

She woke up just before noon. Benny was still there, reading one of Alekhine’s books on his games. He looked up as she stirred.

“How are you feeling?”

She looked at him through slitted eyes, wanting to kill him.

“Like shit. What did you think?”

“I figured.”

“Benny, why did you come?”

“Didn’t you want me to come? The boys thought you did.”

She sat up holding her head and rubbing her eyes. Dropping her hands into her lap, she stared at him.

“Not to be my mother!”

“Hey, I didn’t stop you, did I?”

“So why?”

“So you would be safe, Beth.”

“Benny, why do you care?”

He shook his head, “Jesus, Beth. Do you have a problem with me caring for you? That I have an interest in my friend being okay?”

“I don’t need a babysitter.”

“Depends on the point of view.”

She really wanted to kill him now, mainly because she knew he was probably right.

“Okay, okay”, she said, “It’s nice that you are here. I could use the company.”

“You don’t like company.”

“Most company. You, I can put up with.”

He chuckled, “Sure. Why don’t you get cleaned up? I’ll go down and make you something to eat.”

She held her head in her hands again and mumbled, “Fine.”

Forty-five minutes later, she came down wearing jeans and a sweater top in her bare feet. He was just finishing up some scrambled eggs in a skillet and had toast and orange juice on the side. He dished some out on a plate and placed it in front of her with the other food. Condiments were already on the table and she slowly helped herself. He joined her with his own plate and they both ate in silence.

When she finished she pushed the plate away. Benny had to smile. She ate the same way every time. She would eat one entire serving of something before going to the next. In this case, she ate the eggs before eating the toast, then drank the juice.

“So we’re friends?”, she asked.

“I’d like to think so.”

“Friends that fuck....”

He let out a long breath.

“Do you regret that?”

She gazed at him for a time, thinking, “No, Benny. I enjoy making love with you, usually.”

“Usually?”

“Let’s just say that your post-orgasmal behavior could improve. You finish fucking me, and I'm not even on your mind when you do."

"Yes you were on my mind. I would never ignore you like that."

"How? All you talked about was chess, not me. Is that what was on your mind when you were inside me too?"

He frowned, angry, "Really? You think that little of me? I didn't! I wouldn't do that!"

"Well, you should have let me know! I felt like you didn't care."

“I do care! And it would have helped if your pre-orgasmal behavior was...... Well, it could use some work too.”

She looked surprised, “What do you mean?”

“You’re................distant. Even when we’re actually fucking, it’s you who seems like you aren’t there! Your mind sure isn’t.”

She looked at him balefully, “I wasn’t doing that! I.... Wasn't I doing things right? ”

"You were tense all the time, like you really weren't that interested, like you didn't want to be there."

She looked away, troubled, "No, I never meant....."

“We can talk about that if you want.”

“That would be........helpful”, she replied uncomfortably, trying to rub some life into her arms and hands.

She changed the subject, "I’m glad you’re here, really. I wanted to share the games with you, go over them.”

“Me, too. That’s the other reason I came.”

“I wasn’t planning on you coming to my house, though. I thought we would do it over the phone, or I would go to New York.”

“You’ve got a nice place. I like it. But you wouldn’t come to New York, and I’ve been trying to get you to come for months. So I came here instead.”

She looked annoyed at him, her face and eyes still red.

“Fine.”, she muttered, “Let me rest some more and we’ll go over them.”

He smiled, “Sure. Go lay back down until you feel ready to do that.”

She nodded and got back up, slowly going up the stairs.

“By the way.”, he yelled from the kitchen, “I’m throwing away all the alcohol.”

She stopped and groaned, irritated again, but let it go. She finally reached her bed and collapsed into it, still clothed. She thought it was better that he got rid of the booze too.

  
***

It was night time when she finally was able to feel like a human being again. She got up and went downstairs. Benny was on the couch, reading.

“Better?”, he asked.

“Yeah...”, she said.

“Sit down. I want to know.”

“Know what?”, she replied as she plunked down beside him, drawing her legs up underneath her.

“What happened?”

“What do you mean?”

“I thought you were okay. So why did you get wasted?”

“Benny, I don’t want to talk about it.”, she whined.

“I think you should. I’m asking you as your friend or your lover, or whatever you may think of me as being. At least as someone who cares and is worried for you.”

She looked at him from half closed eyes and gave in, muttering, “I was upset.”

“About what?”

“The damn people doing that so called 'welcome back' at the airport, the damn reporters.......about the way I treated Harry and......how I treated you.”

“Okay. You weren't wasted, right?”

“No..... Well..... I was on the pills some.”

“You know that when you’re wasted, you’re not in your right mind. Even just taking the pills will do that. You’re not capable of being responsible in that situation.”

She thought about it, “I can see that.”

“Harry forgave you, didn’t he?”

“How do you know?”

“We talked while you were in Moscow.”

She thought about that a minute.

“Yeah,”, she replied, “He did. I was surprised he did that.”

“Why?”

She looked up at him again, “Because I don’t know that I would have done that for him if things were reversed.”

“Don't you think I’d have forgiven you?”

She kept gazing at him, but then looked down again, getting emotional.

“You’re here, aren’t you?”

“Beth, if we’ve forgiven you, don’t you think you can forgive yourself?”

She wrapped her arms around herself, and barely kept from crying.

“Maybe....”

“You are way too hard on yourself, Beth.”, he replied.

She looked back at him, suddenly feeling alone again, needing someone, even if it was him. She scooted over and he embraced her. She did the same, her head on his shoulder.

“I think I should stay awhile.”, he said, “You do better with me around.”

“Okay.”, she whispered.

He held her that way for a time until she was more relaxed. Then he spoke again.

“You know I always thought I had memorized all of the most beautiful games ever played. But your game with Luchenko.......God, Beth, it was _magnificent!_ I want you to play it through with me. I’ll play Luchenko’s side, I want to really feel how you did it.”

She pulled back and looked at him curiously, “Really?”

“Yes, really.”

The chess board was still on the coffee table, the beginning position still intact this time. She had the game memorized, and so did he. She played it through, move by move, and they discussed the strategy and tactics on each move. They had pizza delivered in the meantime, because they did not want to stop. Three hours later, he was smiling, loving her thought process. She was enjoying herself too. But it was getting late.

“You go on to bed. You can use more rest.”, he said.

She got up and then hesitated, gazing back at him with a look in her eyes.

"Benny....."

“No.”, he said firmly, “You’re not ready. If we do have sex, it has to be for the right reasons.”

She blinked, confused as to what he meant. She headed upstairs slowly, trying to figure it out.

***

The next morning, he woke her up and she got into the shower. When she came out of the bathroom, Benny was sitting on the chair, reading a chess pamphlet. She was a little annoyed by him being there, but she had a towel wrapped around her, her hair wrapped in another.

“Do you know that you do the same exact thing every time you shower?”

She was puzzled, “So?”

“I noticed it first when we were in New York. You spend exactly one minute just getting wet, then you reach out and get the soap and lather a towel , rubbing the bar on it exactly five times, then two minutes washing yourself with the towel?”

“You watch me bathe?”, she asked.

“No! That's why I closed the door just before you got out. But I can time things and the soap, the towel, and your shampoo are outside the curtain. You have to reach out for them. Going on, you spend two minutes rinsing, then shampoo. You seem to use the same amount each time, two squeezes. I can hear that. Then three minutes working the shampoo into your hair, three minutes rinsing, then five minutes just running the water over your body. And then you come out.”

“I like the warmth.”

“I’m sure. You didn’t close the bathroom door when you went in. I couldn’t see you behind the curtain, if that's what you're concerned about. I've seen you naked, so I don't know why you're having a problem with that."

"Seeing me naked when we make love is different from this."

He stared, a blank look on his face.

"Okayyyyy....", He said softly.

It annoyed her. She had thought she had left the door open. That way the mirror didn't fog up. She usually did since there was nobody else in the house.

“Is the way I do things a problem?”

“Not at all. Just the sign of a well organized mind. You brush your teeth the same way every time too; upper outside, lower outside, lower inside, upper inside, about thirty seconds each time. Then you spit into the sink, drink one mouthful of water, swish it around and spit that out. I might add you eat your meals the same way too. One thing at a time.”

She frowned at him, wondering where he was going with this. She had never even thought about how she did things, but when he pointed it out she realized he was right. Still, it didn’t seem to have any importance.

“Okay.”, she said, “Is there something unique about that?”

  
“Most people do things differently. It’s unique in that almost nobody does ordinary tasks that rigidly.”

She didn’t think it was anything remarkable. She shook her head and fluttered her eyes,

“Fine. Let me get dressed.”

“Sure.”, he said as he got up and left the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

She joined him downstairs casually dressed in jeans and a pullover, her hair tied in a ponytail.

“You look nice.”, he said.

“I look like crap.”

He could hear she really meant it.

“Beth, you do know you are beautiful, don’t you?”

She stared holes into him, clearly disbelieving as she just snorted and looked away.

“You’re just being nice, Benny, or trying to seduce me.”

He laughed, “I don’t have to do that to get women.”

“Yeah. Been keeping up with that?”

“Not really. I haven’t since you.”

She gazed at him again, wondering if he was being truthful, but something told her he was. She just shook her head again and got up. She poured herself some milk from the fridge and sat back down, taking slow sips of it as she looked out the back window.

“Well, I don’t see it.”

“You should. I’m not the only one who does, you know.”

She remembered when Cleo said she was beautiful also. If she was, it was only because she was able to dress so well and stylishly. It hid her ugliness. She just shrugged.

“I’ll prove it to you.”, he said.

He opened up the paper to the back of the sports section.

“Townes wrote you up in the paper. Listen to this....”

  
_“I first met Bath Harmon as a little thirteen year old girl who was very shy, withdrawn, and didn’t talk much. She had come to Henry Clay High School to play in the Kentucky State Chess Championship Tournament in October, 1963. She had no rating or membership in the US Chess Federation. She had heard of the USCF, but thought all it did was put out a magazine. She didn’t know anything else as to what the organization does for chess. She had never even played in a tournament before. When they learned this, the tournament directors tried to persuade her she had no chance and would be wasting the five dollar entry fee. But she was insistent on entering. They tried to put her in the beginners section, but she refused. She made them put her into the full open tournament. Nobody, including me, took any serious notice of her at all. It was thought she was just some kid who had no idea what the game was truly about or how difficult it was, who probably had learned only how to move the pieces and thought that was all she needed. She would lose her first game quickly and go home. We get green players like that at times. I had never met her before when she came up to me at random, asking how the pairings were arranged. She didn’t know how that was done either. She had no idea what a chess clock was, or what it was for. It all had to be explained to her. It was surprising that this little girl had no knowledge whatever of the way chess is normally played in a tournament. We could only conclude that she had no experience in playing the game at all, only confirming our conclusion that there was no way she could have any skill at playing chess._

_“Nobody took notice of her in the first round except that she was the first to finish. Everyone assumed she had lost, and commensurate with her lack of skill had lost quickly. But actually, she had won. Still, nobody thought anything of it. These were unrated players after all. Anything could happen. Everyone thought she just got lucky, and so the tournament went on. Then she won her second game, again in record time. Again no one took notice. Even the tournament directors dismissed her as a fluke. She deposited her sheet in the win basket and looked for her next opponent. The third game she played was against a rated player. She was still ignored, everyone thinking the rated player would easily defeat her. But by then some people started to watch her, including me._

_“She beat the rated player. That made people start to notice. More players began to look at her games, quietly talking back and forth among themselves, curious as to who she was, where she came from, wondering how she learned the game. As it turned out, her fourth game was against me. I had a rating of 1724 at the time. I was first board for the University of Kentucky Chess Team. I had placed fifth in the US open. As you can see, I have some skill as a player and truth be told I wasn’t particularly worried. She had this strange quiet manner, remaining rather stoic, sometimes unresponsive as if unsure what to say, but always polite. Still, I never really had any doubt I would win._

_“To my surprise and chagrin, she beat me in 32 moves, forking my king and my rook. Everyone was noticing her now. She went on to defeat two of the highest rated players in the state, both rated above 1800, before entering the final game with Harry Beltik. He has a rating of 2150, and was the defending state champion._

_“They fought a well balanced battle before she surprised him with a queen sacrifice that would force checkmate in seven moves. He had no choice but to resign. This remarkable young girl, coming out of nowhere, had burst onto the scene of competitive chess and just destroyed her entire competition, decisively defeating every single player she faced. Since then she has gone on to win tournaments, one after another, gaining awards and trophies and establishing herself as the queen of American chess. Over the last six years, she has grown up to become a beautiful young woman of nineteen with poise and style, striving further to take on the international chess scene and has now done so, winning the Moscow Invitational Tournament with victories against a former world chess champion and even the current world chess champion. She has been hailed as the finest intuitive chess player since Jose Capablanca or Paul Morphy. It is fair to say there are no limits to what she could achieve.”_

Beth said nothing, blushing slightly, a smile on her face.

“He thinks I’m beautiful?”

“Told you.”

She just shook her head again in tacit contradiction, drinking her milk and staring back out the window, but she kept smiling.

***

They went over the other games of the Invitational into the afternoon. It was educational for both of them, a productive session. He even pointed out a few tactics that she had not considered.

“Wonderful, absolutely brilliant.”, Benny said, a satisfied smile on his face.

Beth had to agree, smiling herself.

“So what are your plans now?”

She stopped and thought about it.

“I want the world championship.”

“I figured that. How do you want to do it?”

“Well, it’s too late for this coming year. The candidates have already been chosen. But I don’t see any them being able to take Borgov on.

“You’re right.”

"I need to play more tournaments.”

“You need the ones in Europe more, the important ones where the grandmasters are.”

“I know, but I still need the money ones too.”

“We’ll do both. We’ll do the European tour this coming year and fit the others in where we can. It should get you the needed exposure. You should get GM status by the time Palma comes back up in ‘71.

That’s still pretty quick.”

Well, Spassky was only eighteen when he made grandmaster in 1955. Shouldn’t be a problem.”

“I can do it.”

So, about seven or eight tournaments next year. That should be enough to do it. You should be getting IM after Moscow. I’ll be pissed if the Federation doesn’t give it to you, then GM.”

“Give me a list of the tournaments, and I’ll work on that.”

He paused, then said, “Beth, let me make all those arrangements for you.”

“I can do it myself.”

“I know, but I want you concentrating on chess, nothing else.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m still your second, if you’ll let me.” 

“Are you going to do that from New York too?”

“I’ll stay here with you.......if it’s okay.”

She had not anticipated that. The only time she ever had a roommate was in the orphanage, except for Harry, but that didn't last long. In the orphanage she had twenty roommates actually, but the only one that mattered had been Jolene. She was just so used to being alone. It was more comfortable.

But she was used to Benny too. Yes, he aggravated her sometimes though usually she got along well with him, and he did help with the chess. As she thought about it, Benny knew how to keep out of her way, letting her do what she wanted without aggravating her, mostly, probably because he had learned her habits and was able to keep from interfering with them. But why did he go to that much trouble?

“I think we can see how that goes. What about your apartment?”

“I can get a house sitter for now. It’s not a problem.”

“Okay.”

“Good.”, he said smiling, “Let’s get to work.

She became apprehensive, “So you’ll be here a long time. What about―”

“No. No sex.”, he said as he got up. He went over and retrieved the chess board from the coffee table.

“You’re not ready.”

She still had no idea what he was talking about.

***

They settled into a routine going through all the grandmaster games they could find. It was a massive amount of work.

“We’ll go through every single one.”, he said, “Then we’ll start over again.”

One night when they had finished and getting ready for bed, she knocked on his door and entered. He was already in bed reading.

“I wanted to know what you meant.”

“Meant what?”

“You said I wasn’t ready.”

“You think you’re ready?”

“Yes. I’d like to try.”

He looked pensive for a moment and put the book down.

“Why do you want to?”

She blinked, “Uh, because I like it. I think you would like it too.”

He stared at her, then picked up his book and started reading again.

“You’re not ready.”

She frowned, “But, Benny....”

“You’re not ready.”, he repeated, this time staring her down.

She was confused, “You said I was beautiful.”

“You are.”

“Then why?”

He sighed, “Beth, just think about it. It’s important.”

He went back to reading. She didn’t know what else to say so she went back to her bedroom.

***

The next day after lunch, Beth said she needed to go into town. She didn’t have a drivers license nor a car. She never needed either one, and it made her uncomfortable even thinking of trying to get a license or learning to drive. She either walked, rode the bus, or called a cab. Having Benny around now had became convenient.

She dropped by her hairdresser and got her hair trimmed, as she had been meaning to do for a while. Benny waited on her, then they picked up some groceries at the local store and they returned home. She put the groceries away and sat down, picking up a copy of _Shakmatni Byulleten_ she had been meaning to get to.

They continued their work until nightfall. The next day, Benny drove her into town and dropped her off at the doctor’s office. She had an appointment that afternoon. He would pick her up later in the day. Dr. McAndrews was the only doctor she knew. He was the one who prescribed the green pills to Alma.

The night Beth lost her virginity, she had called Alma to let her know that she was all right and she had spent the night with a boy. Beth assured her she would not get pregnant, to which her adoptive mother had said “famous last words.” Later, Beth found out how serious she was.

When she got back home, Alma told Beth she had made an appointment for her to see Dr. McAndrews. When she told Beth what it was for, she did not want to go. But Alma was adamant, explaining that she needed protection, and so she grudgingly went. As she drove to the doctor, Alma kept muttering how she wished she’d had the same protection when she was Beth’s age.

Alma said some doctors refused to provide the pills unless the girls were married or were getting married, but Dr. McAndrews had a more liberal viewpoint and wasn’t so strict about that. Still, she lied about it, saying Beth was about to get engaged. When it was explained that she needed to be examined, she hotly refused and tried to walk out, but Alma blocked her way and settled her down, convincing her it was not that bad. She said she went through it regularly herself, though Beth doubted her veracity on that. Alma remained insistent, so she went to the dressing room and took off her clothes.

There was a loose cloth gown with little stethoscopes and teddy bears printed all over it which she put on, then she reluctantly went back out to the exam room. It was cold. She got up on the examination table and the nurse helped put her feet in the stirrups. The examination was uncomfortable, but at least it didn’t hurt. Dr. McAndrews explained every action he was about to do before he did it, so she was not surprised by anything. Afterward he prescribed the pills.

She took them for awhile, but then she started feeling nervous, agitated, upset. After a week, the bloating started. She was sure it had to be the pills, so she stopped taking them and the feelings and bloating went away. Those side effects happened with some girls according to Dr. McAndrews. Alma took her back to his office, and he suggested a new approach that was becoming popular called an intra-uterine device, an IUD. It was called the Lippes Loop, named after the doctor who invented it.

In his exam room, she looked at the illustrations he showed her. She remembered the pictures of the naked man and woman in the health book from Methuen, but this was more in depth, showing her what her uterus and ovaries looked like and what the vagina was. She’d never heard that term before.

She was still disturbed and uncomfortable with the whole thing, but Alma remained with her throughout it, holding her hand and being a calming influence. Dr. McAndrews explained what the IUD was, what it looked like, and how he would insert it. She still was unsure, and annoyed that she had to be examined again, but she couldn’t take the pills. So she let them put her feet back up in the stirrups and he inserted the device. It was a little uncomfortable at first, but soon she couldn’t feel anything. Over the next few months, she had a little spotting, but that went away. She was okay after that.

She’d had the IUD in for over a year now. She didn’t think about it with Harry, and when she had sex with Benny, she was confident she was protected. But it had been a while and she was supposed to get the IUD checked yearly. She had delayed for longer than that. At the office, they took an x-ray, and they could see it on the film, still in place. She endured another uncomfortable examination and wished they didn’t have to do that so much.

The next day, the phone rang after they had finished breakfast.

Beth answered, “Hello?”

“Miss Harmon? Elizabeth Harmon?”

“Yes. Who is this?”

“I’m Robert Townsend. Fayette County building inspector. Do you own a trailer home just off Highway 68?”

Beth blinked, not understanding, “What? A trailer home?”

“Yes. It looks like the owner’s name was Alice Harmon. Was she a relative?”

Beth froze in shock. She hadn’t thought about that since she visited it with Jolene the day of Mr. Shaibel’s funeral.

“Uh, yes. She was my mother. She’s deceased.”

“Yes, we found out. But that means the trailer is yours now. There’s a construction project beginning next Monday and the trailer has to be cleared out. It’s there illegally anyway.”

“I thought it would have been removed by now.”

“It would have been had we known about it. If you want it, you’ll have to arrange to have it towed by Monday, or you can just let us take care of it. Honestly, it should be condemned. We had the records and I thought I should give you a call about it first before it got hauled away. It looks like it hadn’t been lived in for years anyway.”

“That’s true.”

“Well, if it’s okay with you, we’ll just get rid of it for you.”

“There’s nothing there I need.”

“You sure you don’t want to come out and see if there’s anything you might want to take home, you know, pictures or something?”

Beth paused. Something made her want to do it. She didn’t know why.

“Okay, when?”

“Anytime this weekend would be fine, ma’am.”

"Thank you."

She hung up the phone, her face having become pale.

He frowned, asking, “Beth, what is it?”

She just looked at him with a wide-eyed stare. He got up and went to her.

“What is it?”, he asked again.

‘I....have to do something.”, she stuttered.

“What?”

“I have to go do something by myself. It’s nothing. I’ll call a taxi.”

“I can take you.”

“No.”, she said quickly, “It’s okay. I can do this myself.”

“Beth, it’s no trouble. Let me drive you.”

She shook her head, “No....I can’t.”

“You can’t or you won’t?”

She looked disturbed, “Please. Let me do this.”

“I”ll just follow you.”

She looked at him angrily, “No, Benny! I need to do this alone, without....”

“.....without anybody helping you?”, he said, interrupting, “Where are you going?”

“It’s nothing. Just outside of town a little ways.”

“Then I can drive you.”

“No!”

“Please, Beth. I can see how much this disturbs you. You don’t have to do this alone. I’m here for you. Besides, I’ll just follow you if you don’t.”

She looked frustrated, and tried to speak, but couldn’t.

“I won’t hurt you. You know that.”

She closed her eyes, and a tear rolled down one cheek as she strove to control her emotions.

‘I know.”, she replied.

“Then let me at least just be there for you. Can I ask why you want to go out there, wherever that is?”

Beth was frightened, and he could see it. She withdrew into herself as she sat down like she always did when the world threatened her.

“I......have to go to the trailer where I used to live as a small child.”

He looked puzzled, “Why?”

“They’re about to condemn and remove it. They called and asked if I wanted to go through it to see if there was anything I wanted to take home.”

“Okay....”, he thought pensively, “Why does it bother you so much?”

She looked up at him, “Don’t ask me, please. If you stop asking, I’ll let you take me there. Okay?”

Benny remained confused, but agreed. They headed out that afternoon. She gave him the directions and the drive took only a short time. There was construction equipment parked nearby just down the extending road and some excavation had already been done in front of it. It looked like the expansion was going to go right through where the trailer was sitting.

The steps to the door were gone, as was the tarpaulin that had been covering it. The window was broken in at several places. The door itself was caved in. It took some effort, but the two of them were finally able to pull it open. It was dark inside. There was garbage everywhere. The furniture fabric had rotted away and there were animal droppings all over the place.

Benny wrinkled his nose in the living room, “Beth, I know it wasn't this way when you lived here, but how could you have lived like this.....?”

“I just have to look around, before they haul it away.”

He nodded again, still confused, but willing to help.

“What would you ever want to find here?”, he said softly, half to himself.

Beth didn’t answer. She just looked around, aimlessly searching. She scanned the living room but found nothing of interest. She went down the short hallway into the kitchen and saw various pots and dishes in the sink, still waiting to be washed. Whatever bits of food were on them were long gone, replaced by filth and dirt. Plenty of spider webs were all around. She looked in the cabinets. There were some dried food goods there, all spoiled or gone, already invaded by insects or rodents. Old rat droppings covered the shelving. The smell was one of decay. Going on, she went into the bedroom. The mattress was bare, stained heavily and torn up. Rotten clothing was scattered all over the room. The closet was open but only had a few hangers on the clothes rod. The strangest thing was the walls. Someone had written all over them with what looked like mathematical equations of some sort. All four walls were covered with them. She had no idea what they meant.

“What the hell......?”. Benny whispered.

Looking around, she spotted something poking out from under the bed frame. Bending down, she pulled it up and looked at it. It was a black book, only about 50-60 pages or so, but about 9x11 in size. It was ragged in appearance. Some of the pages inside were mangled and torn. It took some doing but she managed to smooth them as flat as she could and close the book. On the front, the gold lettering was still clear...

_Monomial Representations and Symmetric Presentations._

_Alice Harmon PH.D_

_Dept. Of Mathematics_

_Cornell University_

She had seen this book before. She was what? Four years old? There was that man outside the trailer, the one mother had been scared of and was yelling at. That was her father. She knew that much, but she couldn’t remember quite what he looked like. She did remember him saying “ _If I go, I’m not coming back._ ” Then he drove off. They never saw him again. Later that night, when she was looking at the book, her mother was outside tossing things into a fifty-five gallon drum, burning them, mesmerized by the flames saying “Isn’t it beautiful?” Beth remembered putting the book down under the bed. Benny looked over her shoulder at it. 

“Alice Harmon......is that your mother?”

Beth nodded. She went to the back window and looked out. The fifty-five gallon drum was still there, cold and black now. She turned around and looked the room over again and then saw the end table drawer was slightly ajar. She pulled it open and looked inside. There were various paraphernalia, letter stationary, pens, some ribbons, other knickknacks, and a small bottle at the bottom in the far corner. Beth grabbed and pulled it out. She gasped softly. She remembered seeing it that night also. It was a small vial, and inside were the same green pills.

  
***

Beth remained quiet all the way back to her house, deep in thought. Benny didn’t like the way she looked, but said nothing. They walked inside and Beth sat down on the couch, laying the book and the pills on the coffee table, just staring at them. Then she started crying.

Benny was stunned. Beth Harmon had always been as stoic as a pillar of rock. When she wanted to hide, she always had her barriers up to everybody. She could be whimsical, playful, mad, engaging, happy, or just withdraw into herself like this, literally cutting off the outside world when she felt threatened, stonewalling it away. She had that way of detaching from anything that was painful to her. That was how she dealt with things....

One of the things that had attracted him to her was her thought patterns were very different from anyone else he knew. He thought there were some things about which she had no clue, some others she was very good at, and it was entertaining to watch her interactions with himself and other people. Even without her special chess ability, she was the most unique person he’d ever met.

In the beginning, he wasn’t interested in her sexually. It wasn’t that she was physically unattractive. Quite the opposite, she was very pretty. But her unusual personality was a little offsetting with that innocent routine she often affected. He thought she was just being disingenuous. But then he discovered it wasn't an act. She really was an innocent in several ways. As her chess ability grew, he saw that somehow her personality was tied to that, just by the way she thought, and that made her definitely attractive to him. When he realized that, that was why he finally gave in and took her to bed, on that night after she beat everyone in speed chess. It was nice, though not quite what he expected because even as she let him take her to bed, she remained withdrawn. Her barriers remained up. Their loving was almost mechanical until she came. It seemed to surprise her when that happened.

She had said, “ _That’s_ how it’s supposed to feel.” It wasn’t until later he realized it was the first time she had ever had an orgasm. The few times they went to bed after that, it remained a nice experience, but she remained distant as if her mind was somewhere else. She didn’t always come either.

Her inner self always remained hidden, never showing, but now her feelings were completely visible, her barriers down. He’d never seen her cry. He did know she’d had a tough childhood, though she'd never trusted him with any specifics of her life before. It worried him that she was so affected by this.

He sat down and held her, letting her cry it out.

When Beth had quieted down enough he asked, “Want to talk about it?”

She sniffled, choking slightly on her tears, “No, please. Just....be here.”

“Okay.”, he replied softly. He held on to her for a long time.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are a chess player, you can follow the moves in the games I've described, as they are real games. The reason for the descriptive notation is that algebraic notation which is used today was not in common use in the early seventies, and in fact was not adopted as the official notation by FIDE (the World Chess Federation) until 1980. Even then it took a while to become wide spread throughout the world.
> 
> If you are not a chess player, you can just skim over those sections to the end of the games without losing any of the story.

When she finally let go of him, he asked “Are you okay?”

She nodded quietly, “ I........yeah.......I’ll be fine.”

“Look, I don’t mean to pry....”

She looked up at him and shook her head, “It’s okay. It’s just my memories came back to me when I saw those things. I didn’t know what they meant then. I was only four years old. But now I know what those things mean.”

“The pills, you mean?”

She gazed into his eyes, and her face changed slightly. She seemed less anxious to him.

“And the book. I never understood until I saw it again today. I didn’t know what a Ph.D was. I was too young. I never thought about these things until today. Now I understand what they are, and I’m even more confused.”

“Is there something you need to do about it?”

Beth looked at the book and pills on the coffee table.

“I don’t know. I’ve got to think. Let me be alone for a while, okay?”

He hesitated, but then answered, “Sure...”

He turned to leave, but she caught his arm, “No, stay here. I’m just going to sit in the yard for a while.”

She got up and went out the back door. She sat down on one of the lawn chairs there and settled herself down, just taking in the view of the flowers and grass. He watched her until he was sure she was okay, and then moved to look in the refrigerator to see what was there. Once he taken stock of the refrigerator's contents, he decided to read through the stack of tournament games that was next on the list, and then when it was time he would make dinner.

He climbed upstairs and read for about an hour, then went down to check on her. She was still in the lawn chair. She hadn’t moved, just gazing at the flowers. He grabbed some water as she had no beer in the house, then went back upstairs. It was a little after six, two hours later, when he decided to get dinner started.

But as he got up, she walked slowly into his room. He sat back down and waited. She seated herself beside him, her hands folded into her lap and sitting gingerly as if on eggshells.

“Are you okay?”, he asked.

“I’m better.”

Nodding, he said, “I’m going to get dinner started.”

She put a hand out onto his arm.

“Wait.”, she said.

She couldn’t get started, trying to talk.

“Beth, I understand if you can’t talk about it. It’s okay.”

“No.”, she answered, “No. It’s just......hard. But I want to tell you.”

He waited as she took several deep breaths.

“I don’t remember much when I was very young until I was about six or so. I lived with my mother in that trailer. I was too young to understand that my mother had isolated herself from everyone she knew. I’m only seeing now that’s what she must have done. We never saw anyone else, except when we had to go out for groceries or laundry or whatever. Even then she didn’t talk to anybody unless absolutely necessary. I never had anyone my age around me. My mother was my only companion. I didn’t know any better. I barely remember my father. Mother told me he died. There was this man one time, who was trying to get into the trailer. Mother wouldn’t let him in. I remember him asking her to let him see ‘Lizzie’. I didn’t know who or what that was. I never used that name. I didn’t know then he was referring to me, but I do now. That must have been my father. That was about three or four years before she died.”

Benny listened quietly. As she paused, he said, “Beth, this would be hard on anybody. You were just a kid.”

She nodded, “I know. You see, back then my mother would never let me out of her sight. She was always talking to me about how horrible the world was, that it was nothing but bad, nothing but misery, that we had to hide from it. She was always going off about how untrustworthy and deceptive men were, that they always were trying to take advantage of you. I mean, now that I think back, she was just incredibly depressed. The only time she wasn’t was when she taught me, you know, reading, math, all that stuff. She seemed to enjoy that, I think. She schooled me enough that when I got to the orphanage I wasn’t behind on my classes.”

“That’s illegal. You should have been in public school.”

She nodded, “Yeah, well I guess the school people didn’t know I even existed. We would live in one place for awhile, then hook up the trailer and move somewhere else about every half year or so. It was always around here. There are plenty of woods to hide in. We would take trips sometimes to different places where there were no people, just nature sites, lakes, places like that. She would sit and talk to me. I could sense her mood, but I didn’t understand. She was just always so miserable, and I thought this was normal. Sometimes she just talked in phrases I couldn’t understand. I didn’t know there was any other way. I thought the way we lived was the way all people lived.”

“You mean you never had anyone to play with all that time?”

She looked up at him and nodded.

“God, Beth....”, he said with an aching voice.

She went on, “When I was eight, she dressed me in my best dress and she took me to a house I’d never seen before. I stayed in the back seat and she went up to talk to a man who came out of the house. There was a woman and a small child, maybe two or three, who followed them. I think the man and woman were married and were the child’s parents. The woman and the kid went back inside, and then my mother was arguing with the man for about five minutes before he went back in the house, and she came back to the car. I asked her who the man was. She wouldn’t tell me. She said it was a mistake, a rounding error. Then she drove away. We never got home because she had the accident that killed her.”

Benny’s eyes went wide, “You were in the car when she died?”

She nodded, “Yeah, killed her, a piece of the steering wheel went right through her eye. Not a scratch on me. After that, I was sent to Methuen.”

He let out a heavy breath, “Beth, I’m so sorry. I had no idea....”

“I don’t like thinking about it. It’s too painful. I don’t want people to know either. You know now. Jolene knows. I just don’t need to go through reliving that time in my life any more than I have to because it makes me feel so horrible, so.......vulnerable, so naked to the pain. It lets other people have a way to try and control me, to hurt me. My mother, Mrs. Deardorff.........”

She took a moment before continuing.

“Except for Jolene, and Mr. Shaibel, all the girls and teachers were strangers. I never had friends there, and I learned to be alone. I liked being alone. I didn’t mind it because I discovered chess. I didn’t need anyone that close to me in my life, and I really don’t now, you know. I’m still perfectly fine being alone. I’m comfortable with it, just me and chess. That way, nothing in my world can hurt me.”

He stared at her.

“Beth, do you think I’m a threat to you?”

She shook her head again, “No. You’re not like others. I.....You can understand me in a way like nobody else because you know chess like me. Jolene, she’s like my sister. I love her. But she doesn’t understand chess like me.......like you.”

“You’re better.”

“Not by that much.”

“Now, maybe. But the way you’re improving, I don’t know if anybody can keep up with you. You still need a trainer, a second to do what you’re going to do.”

She said, “I know, and this is not your fault. This is my problem. I need to be alone right now.”

He stared at her, “You want me to go? ‘I’ve been here all this time. It’s only a week to the championships!”

Her lips thinned into a line, “Please, Benny, it’s not you. You are not the problem. I just need a little time by myself to......this.....this is something I need to deal with, by myself."

“No, Beth. You don’t have to do this by yourself!”

“Yes, I have to.”, she said, leaning forward and hugging him, “Please. I was scared when I hurt you. I don’t want to do that again.”

“Damn it, Beth, don’t push me away! I’m the one that's scared when you’re alone like this. You’ll just get wasted again.”

“I’m doing better.”, she said, “I promise you, if I start to do that, I will call you. But, please go. Just give me these few days, just until the championships. They’re only a week away. Please.”

He sighed in defeat, “Fine........I’ll call you when I get home.”

“Thank you.”

***

Beth bought enough groceries to last her the week, until she had to go to New York. She continued her routine of study and didn’t even leave the house. Being alone helped settle her down, relieving her anxiety. Benny arranged her plane tickets. She mailed a check to pay for them and he mailed them to her. The day before the tournament started, she got a taxi to the airport then flew out. Benny picked her up in New York and drove her to the apartment.

When they got there, he dragged the luggage in while she brought in the books and the chess set. The place looked the same as it had, except he had a couple more chairs to go with the card table. There was a pile of mail on the floor from the drop in the door. He gathered this up and stacked it away on his desk to go through later. Beth opened the fridge and looked inside.

“We’ll need groceries.”

“I know.” he confirmed, “I’ll go out and get some. Will you cook tonight?”

“Okay. I want to clean up anyway.”

He looked around with a pained look on his face but said nothing. She had remarked one time he lived like a doped out college student she once knew, and she was right. He got his keys and drove to the local mart. Forty five minutes later he came back hauling two bags inside, then went out and got two more. The apartment looked better now, better than he ever kept it. She was such a neatnik, wanting everything in its place.

He put groceries away into the cabinets and the fridge while she starting cooking. He had gotten some pork chops that looked good. She pan fried them with seasoning, then mixed up some mashed potatoes and green beans to go with it, serving it all on the card table, He had water while she had milk. Before he went to get her at the airport, he emptied the place of alcohol. He didn’t want her tempted.

When they finished, Benny took the dishes, cleaned them, and wiped them dry, putting them away afterward. She snuggled down on the bean chair with a couple of pillows after pulling out a copy of _My System_ by Nimzowitsch she found in Benny’s library. He had recommended looking at it. As she read, he was on the bed with the chess board, going over a game and taking the time to record the moves on paper. After a few hours, when it was late, Beth sighed and put her book down. She couldn’t concentrate any longer. She looked into the bedroom at Benny. He was going to let her have the bed while she was here. In the light, there was something enticing about him.

“I think I’ll go to sleep. You about done in there?”

“Mmmm..hmmm....”, he mumbled, completely engrossed.

“What are you doing?”

He didn’t look up for a second, and then realized she had asked a question.

“Oh, uh, that game.”

“What game?”

“The one you smoked me on before we left Lexington. God, that was beautiful. I want to use that sucker on somebody.” 

She stared at him, astounded. Coming around the bed, she sat down beside him, watching him move the pieces for a while, recording them, then trying variations. He looked up at her slightly confused when she gently picked up the chess board so as to not disturb the pieces and took them back to the card table. She walked back and sat down, putting her arms around his neck.

“I really love that you memorized the game.”, she said.

He took hold of her arms, taking them away off his shoulders.

“Wait a minute.”

She looked deflated, “Benny, really, I was so moved you would do that.”

“Do what?”

“You remembered that game.”

“I remember all my games with you.”

She was so shocked she couldn’t speak. Then her eyes watered up and she couldn’t stop a couple of tears coming down her face.

“I can’t believe it.”, she whispered. She tried to reach out for him again, but he backed off.

“What?”, she cried out, “I don’t understand!”

He gazed into her eyes.

“Do you want to kiss me?”

She snapped her head back, looking confused.

“Of course I do.”

“No. I mean really kiss me.”

She couldn’t answer, “I.......what....?”

“I guess we'll talk about this now. Okay, the only time you would kiss me or be affectionate was if we were having sex. You never wanted to be touched any other time. You don't let people approach you, not even a lover. You don't let me just hug you, just to show affection. You tense up like a board if I even try it.

"And when you do kiss me during sex, you act like it's something you have to put up with to keep going. it's.......it's sterile. It's mechanical, without any real feeling I think. During sex, you don’t really let me touch you anywhere, especially your breasts. You don’t touch me either really. You would just lay there. All you want is the intercourse, to get off."

She didn’t get it. Wasn't she doing what he wanted? Didn’t men just want to get to intercourse without the other stuff too?

“What’s wrong with it?”, she asked.

“Beth.....I don’t want to just fuck."

"I don't either!"

"I want to make love to you.”

“So what do I need to do differently?”

He looked at her angrily.

“Don’t just go through the motions, damn it! Have some passion! Or at least fake that! Why are you holding back? You need to go with what you feel is right, to touch me, to _enjoy_ me any way you want as well and let me do the same to you! Do what makes you feel good in any way. If you want to make love, you have to trust that I won't hurt you. You need to completely open up to me. When you learn that, come back to me.”

He got up and shut the door leaving her flustered and frustrated.

About an hour later, Benny was still trying to get some sleep when the bedroom door opened. He looked around but didn’t see her.

“Benny, would you come in here?”

Still annoyed, he went into the bedroom, finding her standing next to the bed. She had her pajamas on.

“Beth, what are you doing?”, he said testily.

“Please, just hear me out, okay.”

He stood waiting.

“I’m trying to understand. When we made love before, was it bad?”

He sighed, exasperated, “It wasn’t bad. It just wasn’t......that good. You were so pissed after that first night.”

“I couldn’t understand why you weren’t thinking about us, about what we just did, especially since it was the first time I............”, she complained, “Uh, I felt....... insignificant to you.”

“Yeah, I got that. But then every time we did it after that, you weren’t even there anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

“You just went through the motions, like I was nothing more than, than a dildo. You turned off to me after that. Were you that mad at me?”

“No.”, she said pensively, “I just thought.......that was the way you wanted it. I mean that was how you did it the first time...."

He ducked his head and slowly shook it.

“Jesus, Beth. No. If we’re going to have sex, I want to love you with everything, with all my feelings and desires. And my feelings for you aren't just about sex. If I want to hug you or give you a kiss, it doesn't automatically mean I want sex. I want to show how much I care for you."

She looked at him wide-eyed.

“I.....I didn't understand. You're saying I don’t let you touch me?”

“Not the way I want.”

“That’s not what I want either.”

“What do you mean?”

“I like....... Benny, I want to be touched, too.”

“Really? Then don't hold back! If you care for me, and I think you do, show me. Let loose with all your feelings and desires. Touch me every way you want.....and trust me."

She looked down, nodding to herself.

“Okay..........So touch me, please.”

She started unbuttoning her pajama top.

"I'm ready."

“Wait, Beth. What do you want to prove now?”

“I want you to touch me the way you want.........the way you think I should be touched. I don't know what it's supposed be like, you know. And I do trust you to......not hurt me. I really do. I want to try."

She slipped her top off then slid down her bottoms and shook them off. She had nothing else on. She put her hands on his shoulders. He didn’t move at first. 

“You know, if it were any other woman, I would be so insulted right now.”, he said, looking more relaxed.

She didn’t answer, looking into his eyes, puzzled.

“But I know you’re being completely sincere and open about this. So maybe you're right."

Slowly, he reached over and caressed her breast. She closed her eyes, catching her breath. He brushed his fingers over the nipple and she jumped back slightly with a gasp.

“Did I hurt you?”, he said, quickly drawing his hand back.

“No.”, she said, “No, it felt good. I just wasn’t expecting it. It’s really sensitive. Do it again.”

He moved in and touched her breast again. This time she stiffened a little more but it was from want and anticipation, not fear. He touched the other breast with his other hand and gently carressed around the nipples. She sucked in a breath and held it, closing her eyes.

"How does that feel?"

She opened her eyes and gazed at him, a hunger starting to awaken in them.

"More......", she whispered.

He started to move his hands over her. She trembled and her breathing quickened. She definitely wasn't holding back now, letting herself go and fully enjoying it as she started to slide her hands over him as well. As he got more adventurous, kissing her skin, softly massaging her breasts, feeling her buttocks, he could see her getting more excited. He reached down between her legs and she gasped. She had never reacted to him in this manner before, but then this was the first time she ever let him do that. She was throwing away all her inhibitions and reservations, willing to trust him fully.

“You’ve never responded to me like this.”, he whispered.

She opened her eyes and looked at him, “I didn’t know I was supposed to, that I could...”

She pulled his head down and kissed him rapturously in a way she never had before. She was a completely different woman, putting every ounce of her soul into it. He put his arms around her and pulled in, returning the kiss just as much, then lowered her to the bed.

***

The next morning, she awoke to sirens again. She didn’t care. She felt wonderful. She had just experienced the best night of her life. It was an exploration of each other that neither had tried before, and she loved it. It didn’t hurt that she had several orgasms. That was a surprise. She never had more than one before with him because they would stop after that, and they weren't anywhere near as strong and soul shattering as the ones she had last night. It also might have been when he entered from behind, which was also new to her. It didn’t matter. He had spent time paying full attention to her, caressing her frequently, his hands moving gently over her body where she said it felt good. She didn’t realize how sensitive her breasts really were. His hands roamed her body in many ways, especially between her legs. When Cleo tried that, it didn't feel good to her, but Benny's touch was erotically compelling, helping to increase the tension until she was ready to burst. Then he entered her and she exploded, after which he cuddled with her, bringing her down gently with attention. She thought she had understood how it was supposed to feel. She really had no idea until now.

She got up and put a robe on. Benny was already in the kitchen making eggs and hash browns. She went up to him smiling, then kissed him very sensuously.

“You’re in a mood today.”, he said grinning.

“It’s your fault if I am.”, she replied.

“Well, I’ve never had to have such a detailed discussion about sex before we did it.”, he said with a smile. He served breakfast. As they ate, they just smirked at each other.

“So, we really made love last night? It was what you wanted?”, she asked.

His lips turned up slightly at the corners, “I think we succeeded. You really surprised me. What changed? How did that happen?”

She thought about it, “I........I did what you said. I trusted you. But I didn’t know how either. You helped with that, though when I was in Paris I did get sort of get an idea of what it should be.”

“An idea?”, he asked, glaring, “What do you mean?”

She became defensive, “Well.......I spent the night before the Borgov game with Cleo.”

He stared, shocked, “Beth! What the hell?.....”

“You were right. I got wasted the night before with her, didn’t know what I was doing. I was just....trying stuff. I was pretty hung over when I played him.”

“Shit!”, he said, “No wonder you lost.”

“She showed me how to do things to her, which she enjoyed, I think.”

“So you like to go to bed with women?”

“Really, no. I didn’t like it much at all. I like men much better. So I’m not doing that again. But I just wanted to let you do those sorts of things to me, except the kissing. I did that on my own. You were much better than she was."

He had to laugh.

“I’m glad. But Beth, you are so concrete.”

“Alma said that to me once also. What do you mean by that?”

He just kept laughing and didn’t tell her, just getting up and giving her a kiss before he started clearing the card table and washing the dishes.

After they got cleaned up and dressed, he told her they would be going out. The dishes had been washed, dried, and put away. He got dressed first and then she followed with a stylish midi and blouse with Mary Janes on her feet. She fixed her hair and face and they drove into Manhattan, headed for the East Side. She thought they were going to where the Championships were being held.

“Aren’t we going to the Hudson?”

“Later. I’ve got somewhere else to go.”

“Where are we going?”

“To see someone. Over on east 89th.”

“Now?”

“Yeah, I called this morning. He said I could come on over.”

“Who is it?”

“It’s a surprise.”

She shrugged and looked out the window, gazing at the store fronts they passed.

When they got to their destination, he parked a couple of blocks away. They walked down and Benny turned into a building. She looked up and saw that it was some sort of clinic.

“Where are we going?”, she asked once more.

“This building.”, he pointed out.

“Here?”

“Yeah, This is his clinic.”

“He’s a doctor?”

“Not a medical doctor. A psychologist.”

“You mean he treats crazy people?”

“Oh hell, Beth. His patients are not crazy. He helps them by talking things out in a certain way. He used to play chess, and still likes to play when he can. Do you remember when I told you about those psychological studies on chess players?”

“Yes?”

“Well he’s done a lot of those. I was often a test subject for him. That’s how I know some of the work.”

“He plays chess?”

“Yeah, he was a serious grandmaster. He could have been world champion.”

She knew every chess champion and who their main contenders were for the entire century, and couldn’t figure out who he was talking about, saying, “A grandmaster? How do you know him?”

“He helped me some time ago with something.”, he said hesitantly.

She said nothing more, not sure of what more to ask.

He went up to the reception window and talked to the woman that was there. She could hear him saying his name and Beth’s name, and that they were there to see the doctor, but didn’t quite catch the name. The receptionist smiled and went away. She soon came back and showed them through a side door. They were taken back to an office of moderate size. There was rich wood paneling, an ornate ceiling, very comfortable chairs, two of them with a gorgeous chess set on an expensive looking chessboard table between them. The walls were lined with shelves filled with books, most of them about things with medical looking terms, but many chess books also, a lot of them in Benny’s collection. The wall behind the desk had several diplomas and other documents mounted on it.

They were seated and were told the doctor would be along. The receptionist offered them some tea, but they declined. After a time, a smallish middle aged man with a slightly large nose and very friendly eyes came into the room, smiling. His hair was starting to gray some and looked a little thin.

“Benny!”, he exclaimed, “How are you doing, my boy?”

He hugged Benny gently, laughing.

“Doing well, Ray.”

“How’s your game? You’re still an international master, right? When are you going to get to the next level?”

“I’m working on it.”

“What do you mean ‘working on it’? You still just hustling games and bouncing around living off your winnings?”

“Hey, it works! There have been a few hiccups along the way, I know, but I’m over 2300 now.”

Dr. Feinstein’s brow furrowed with concern, “You should get serious about your playing, you know. So, no problems popping up? Anything you want to talk about?”

“No, really. I’m good. Ray, I want you to meet Beth.”

He looked at Beth with wide open eyes that kept getting larger as he looked at her.

“ _The great Beth Harmon_!” he said jovially, “I can’t tell you what a pleasure it is to meet you finally. I’ve heard so much about you, and the game you played against Borgov was a masterpiece!”

She started getting a little red faced as he shook her hand.

“It’s......it’s really nice to meet you.”

Benny said, “Beth, this is Grandmaster Raymond Feinstein.”

Her eyes were shocked wide open, “Raymond Feinstein? You mean....?”

“Yeah......him.”

“ _You know Raymond Feinstein_?”

Dr. Feinstein and Benny both laughed.

“We’ve been friends for years, Beth.”, he said.

“Uh, sir. This is an honor to meet you. I’ve read all, uh, well, most of your books.”

Dr. Feinstein chuckled, “Thank you, my dear. But I’m afraid you’ve been lured here under false pretenses.”

“Oh?”

“I want to hear all about Moscow sometime. But first, would you honor me with a game?”

Blushing, she smiled as she understood, “Uh.........okay, sure.”

“I’m not as proficient as I used to be.”, Dr. Feinstein said, “But I’ll try to keep up.”

“Don’t believe him.”, Benny said, “He’s as sharp as he always was.”

He took two pawns and handled them behind his back, then presented both fists to her. She picked White. They sat down to the chess board and Beth moved her King pawn up. He met it with his and they started to develop their pieces. Soon they had played out to a Giuoco Piano position. Beth paused and studied the set up, then pushed her Queen knight pawn up, attacking the bishop.

“Evans Gambit.”, Dr. Feinstein muttered half to himself with a grin, “Okay, I’ll bite.”

He captured the pawn with his bishop. It was the best move after all. She pushed up the queen bishop pawn and forced the bishop to retreat. He went to QR4. This was the Lasker defense. Beth thought he would have done better to play the bishop to K2. She pushed her queen pawn up offering it to him as well. Dr. Feinstein took it with his King pawn. She did not recapture with the queen bishop pawn, but instead castled. Dr. Feinstein went into a good think about this before he decided to go ahead and accept yet another pawn, putting her three pawns down. She moved the queen to QN3, attacking Black’s king bishop pawn, which he defended with the queen to K2. Then she took his pawn on QB3 with her knight. This knight move threatened to extend by going to Q5, attacking his queen. He defended with his knight to KB3.

She attacked anyway. The knight went to Q5 and he captured it with his knight. She recaptured with her king pawn, attacking his remaining knight. He moved the knight to his K4. She took the knight with her remaining one, and then he recaptured it with his queen. She saw he was putting himself into some danger. He had not yet castled, and he had allowed her to develop her pieces much faster, all for a two pawn advantage, which of course is what gambits are all about. She moved the queen bishop to QN2. This attacked his queen, and the king knight pawn behind her. He thought quite a while on this move. He moved the queen to KN4, out of the way, but still protecting the pawn. Then she pushed her king rook pawn to KR4, directly attacking the queen again, but it was also a sacrifice.

He could see that if he took the pawn, she would take his knight pawn with his bishop attacking the rook. But then he could just move the rook to KN1 attacking the bishop, and once it moved, he had the rook on an open file aimed directly at her king. In two moves he could mate her if she didn’t protect the king properly, and he could win advantage even if she did. Once he moved the queen pawn up he could get the bishop into the play for a powerful king side attack. He took the pawn. As expected, she took the knight pawn attacking the rook, which he moved to KN1 now attacking the bishop. She moved the king rook to K1, checking the king. This was a delaying move in his mind. He went to Q1, safely tucked behind the queen pawn. He looked to getting his queen and rook down to attack her king.

That’s when she made the final move. Queen to KN3. Seventeen moves in total was all it took. He looked down in some shock. Now he saw what she had done. Her queen directly attacked his queen, so he must capture hers, move it, or lose it. The loss would be checkmate. If he did move the queen where it did not cover KB3, the bishop would go there and it was again checkmate. If he captured the bishop with his rook, her capture of the queen was checkmate. If he moved the queen to cover the KB3 square, she would check on KB3 with the bishop, which he then had to take with the queen. Then she would capture his rook with her queen, again checkmate. If he moved his rook to K1, she would capture his queen, he had to interpose the rook on K2, and then she would take it with the queen, and again checkmate. With every move he could make, it was checkmate in one, two at the most.

“Oh, my....”, he said softly.

He stared at the board for a moment, then slowly looked up at her.

“My dear. It is true. You are really incredible.”, he said with some awe.

They stood up and he shook her hand, “I’ve enjoyed this tremendously. I hope we can play again.”

“Thank you.”, she said timidly.

“Wonderful.”, he replied smiling, “How else can I help you?”

Beth was puzzled and looked at Benny.

He looked down a minute, looking embarrassed, “Uh......Ray. Could I talk to her alone?”

He peered over his glasses, “I can do nothing without her approval, you know.”

“I know. Just let me talk to her.”

He nodded, “Okay, Benny. I’ll be outside if you need me.”

After he left, she gawked at him, “What’s going on??”

“Would you do me a favor?”, he asked nervously.

“What?”

“I would like you to.....just talk to him.”

“Talk to him? You want me to be in his chess studies?”

“No, not that. He’s a psychologist. I think he can help.”

Her face dawned with understanding, and she became angry. She gathered her purse and started walking to the door.

“Damn you, Benny! I shouldn’t have told you anything! You should have asked me first!”

He grabbed her arm, “Please, Beth. Hear me out. He’s helped me out too.”

She stared at him, surprised, “What do you mean?”

“He’s helped me......a lot. I was much more of a mess when I was younger. Kind of like what you’re going through now.”

“ _What?―_ ”

“It was... ...speed, cocaine.......some other stuff.”

She stared at him. He had gone through the same thing she had? And he didn’t tell her? But then she realized she couldn’t blame him either, could she? She hadn’t told him about her own history, not until recently. She understood now. He was reciprocating, telling her his secrets.

“Benny, why him?”, she spat out.

“Because he’s a grandmaster. He knows the chess world. He lived it, like we do. He truly understands what people like you and me, what elite chess players go through. Beth, I trust you, but......I’m scared for you too.”

She was still angry, breathing hard, but couldn’t stay mad, just really annoyed. She had no idea this was what he was trying to do, though she probably should have suspected. This was too much. God, she could barely tell him. Now he wanted her to tell someone she just met?

She shook her head, “I can’t, Benny......I just can’t.”

“Beth, please. You’ve been through some pretty traumatic stuff. I think he could help”

This only made her madder, “Benny....... _No!_ ”

He looked defeated and just nodded in surrender.

She went to the door and opened it, walking out. Benny followed silently. Dr. Feinstein was in the corridor and he looked up as she approached.

“Dr. Feinstein.”, she said, looking a bit contrite, “It really is an honor to meet you, and I thank you for the game and the offer, but I can’t.”

He nodded, “I understand, my dear. But if you ever do want to talk, you’re welcome any time.”

“Really, I enjoyed the game. I would like to do it again.”

“Certainly. Just call and come on in.”, he said with that big smile of his.

***

As he drove back to the apartment, she was still pissed. But she did not want to be angry at him.

“So........cocaine, huh?”, she said.

He looked at her a moment before turning his eyes back to the street.

“Speed mostly, but yeah. A lot of weed, too. When I was seventeen. It damn near killed me. God, I could stay up three days straight on that stuff playing and just blow everyone away. I took on the whole Manhattan club in a simultaneous and beat them all like a drum. I could see the games so clearly I could have beaten Jesus himself. But I paid the cost. I crashed hard, and after a spell in Bellevue, I was referred to him since I was a chess player. He’ll treat any of us that asks it of him, free of charge.”

She listened quietly, absorbing it all in.

“So with you it was a stimulant. With me it was the tranquilizers.”

“Strange combination, isn’t it?”, he laughed, “He saw me as a patient for several years, hashed things out. It straightened me up pretty good. We’ve been friends ever since.”

"I don't remember that in the news. Wouldn't the press have made that public?"

"If they knew, yes. But Ray did a good job keeping it all confidential and off the record."

“You still drink, though.”

“You ever seen me drunk? Nah, it’s the uppers that get me in trouble, not alcohol. I don’t crave it like speed.”

‘Like I do sometimes.’, she thought. But it was true. She had never seen him drunk. A little buzzed maybe, but never drunk.

“Look, I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but I.......I can’t talk about it with him. I could barely talk to you.”

He nodded, “I’m sorry if I upset you.”

“It’s fine. Thank you for trying to help. But no more, please. I’ll decide who to tell, and when.”

“Okay.”

“It’s easier when I talk to you.”

“And Jolene, right?”

“Yes.”, she said, nodding.

“I’d like to meet her sometime.”, he said.

“She might not like you.”

“I’ll charm her ass off.”

She had to smile at that.

“I have to see some people here about making some money.”, he continued.

“What? More poker games?”

“No....”, he said puckishly, “ _Chess Review_ is offering me a job as a regular contributor. It’ll help pay the bills. I don’t think I’m going to find too many card games in Lexington. So I got to go see them.”

“How did that happen?”

“ _Chess Review_ and _Chess Life_ are merging into one magazine. They’re calling it _Chess Life and Review_. They need more contributors, I guess.”

“That’s an imaginative title.”, she joked, “Do you really want to do that?”

“Hey, it’s money.”

“Not so exciting.”

“But more consistent.”

***

They stayed in the apartment and drove to the Hudson Hotel each morning where the tournament was being held. That was the home of the Manhattan Chess Club, probably the toughest club on the Eastern Seaboard.

In the tournament, it was Deja Vu, almost. At least the venue was better. They also had the boards manned with decent wood pieces. Both of them breezed through the tournament to become the top two contenders, playing the championship game again. The only difference was that Weiss had actually forced a draw on Benny in round two, which left him half a game behind Beth’s perfect score. Weiss was beside himself with glee while Benny had that familiar scowl on his face for the whole afternoon. But he noticed she was off her game too. It wasn’t enough to keep her from winning, though.

They had spent their nights loving like they never had before, hardly able to keep their hands off each other. Beth was surprised how much she had not understood before, and how much she wanted him now. Benny was just as entranced with her, but did notice that her game continued to be off during the days. She did too.

At the final game, their names were announced and they walked onto the stage to scattered applause, shook hands and then sat down, neither smiling. Beth had drawn the white pieces. She delayed playing the first move for a good two minutes, then played P-K4 anyway. Benny responded with P-K4. Both king knights came out, and then she surprised him with a Petrov's Defense. He looked at that third move of hers for a time, capturing his king pawn like that. He didn’t remember her ever trying this line. She continued with the standard development. His queen pawn drove the knight back and he captured her king pawn with his knight. Her queen knight came out and he took it as well, White recapturing the knight with the queen pawn. Then they went into a long phase of development of their pieces. He castled king side. She castled queen side. He attacked the queen rook pawn with his bishop. Normally one would move the king to QN1 to counter that, but she moved the pawn to QR3 instead. He put his bishop on QB3, eyeing her rook, but she countered with her bishop on KN2. She tried to avoid the exchanges as she could see he was trying to advance the fight into the endgame, where they would be on more of an equal footing, much more equal. She tried to avoid it, but he succeeded by forcing the exchange of the dark square bishops, and then the queens as well. She could have avoided that, but there was no good square for her to put the queen, so it just made better sense to go ahead and get the queens off the board. Both players were intensely studying the game, not even looking at each other. Beth was trying to break through with a combination attack that would give her the advantage, but he was able to hold her off. The battle inflicted significant attrition to both sides.

Four hours later, they reached forty moves each. The clocks were set for two more hours to play twenty more moves. Neither wanted adjournment and kept going, playing on into the night. The audience started to fritter away and soon only a few people were left watching the ordeal. They were down to a knight, a bishop, and five pawns each. He got his King more active than she did, moving it down to the fifth rank. She checked his king back to the fourth rank. The pawns on the king side were exchanged, leaving only queen side pawns. Then he forced an exchange of his bishop for her knight. That left her bishop against his knight, which in the endgame would normally be more powerful because of its longer reach, and she went through vigorous maneuvering trying to get advantage, but neither made headway until the fifty sixth move, when Benny’s knight finally, after a long trip around the board, went in from another angle to get the pawn. This left her a pawn down. They maneuvered for three more moves and were both close to time limits again. On the fifty ninth move, the white bishop was at KB7. The black knight was at QR5. The black king was at K4 with the white king at Q2. His four pawns were at QR3, QN4, QB5, and Q4. Beth had pawns doubled on QB2 and QB3, with only the QR3 pawn to help out. Unlike the black pawns who were supporting each other well, white’s pawns were in disarray. It was the sixtieth move and Benny only had eight minutes left. He was strongly considering pushing the queen pawn to Q5, forcing an exchange that would also push the white king back, a possible wining strategy, but it was complicated. He didn’t want to play it without completely thinking it through, and there wasn’t time. He played safe and played the knight to QB4. She moved the king to QB1 and he moved the knight to K3. Time control was now reached.

They had been at it for six hours.

He looked at her, “Fifteen minute break okay with you?”

She looked back and nodded, clearly tired but wanting to finish this.

They went to opposite sides of the stage and didn’t talk, both deeply thinking their position. When they came back, the clocks were set with another two hours and twenty moves each. They maneuvered around the board with the pieces still trying to gain advantage. Her king was now on QN2. His king was on K6. The black knight was on KB5. Beth had tried to sneak behind his pawns with her bishop to find a way to gobble them up. The pawns still hadn’t been moved. Beth was tired as she considered the position and moved her bishop to QN7 to gobble up the first pawn.

She suddenly saw it was a mistake, but it was too late. She showed no outward sign of her fear. Benny only had to advance his king to Q7 and that would win the game. He scoured the position for a good five minutes, then moved his rook pawn up to prevent its capture. Inwardly, she relaxed and moved to prevent the Q7 move. They went on for about ten more moves. By that time, they had gone seven hours and nine minutes. They looked at each other and she said, “Draw?”

He nodded, and they shook hands on it. There was tepid applause from the remaining spectators, and they both sighed in relief. She won the tournament by half a game. He had second prize. Not a bad take home payday.

That night they lay in bed, Benny’s arms around her from behind. They were too tired for sex and just wanted to sleep. Just as they were getting comfortable, he suddenly raised up on one arm and stared out across the room...

“ _Goddamn it!_ ”, he said quietly, “I could have won! I should have played the King to Q7!”

She just lay there, not moving. He looked at her.

“You knew, didn’t you?”

She bit her lip and turned over to face him.

“Yeah. I screwed up. I should have never moved the bishop to capture that back pawn. I should have moved the king back to QB1.”

He shook his head, still castigating himself.

“We both missed it.”, she said, “We can’t do that with the Russians.”

She settled back down in his arms.

“I know.”, he said.

She looked back at him with a hard expression on her face.

“Tomorrow, we’ve got to talk.”

***

“What did you think of our play during the tournament?”

He stared at her with a frown. It was a fair question.

“Good enough to win.”

“Yes, but.....?”

“But overall, it sucked.”

“The Europeans, not even mentioning the Russians, would eat us alive.”

“I know.”, he said in a soft voice, “I think we can work through it though. We had no problem when we trained for Moscow. Why should it be a problem now?”

“No, Benny. I......I’m finding I can’t think with you around. I feel so, I don’t know, so drawn to you. The last four days have been....God, wonderful, but it’s affecting my game. I’m having trouble thinking.”

“All the more reason for me to stay with you.” he argued, “How long are we going to do this, Beth? What is it going to take to let me stay with you? Do you want to stay with me?”

She sighed, and spoke in a small voice, “I do! But I can’t. Not if I can’t play chess.”

‘Beth...’

“I have to be able to concentrate on my chess now!”, she said firmly.

He just gazed at her for several seconds, “You’re saying you need to be on your own to do that?”

“And you need the same for your game.”, she said pointedly, “At least for now.”

He shook his head, “No, I can do fine with you around. In fact it helps me. I think it can help you, too.”

“Benny, please.”, she said, getting agitated, “As strange as this may sound, it hurts me to be away from you. But I have to. Please, it’s just too much, too.....”

She was so anxious. He saw she was about to lose control.

“Okay, okay.”, he said to calm her down, “If this is what you need to be able to give full attention to the game.”

“I do.”, she whispered softly.

“Will you want me to come back sometime?”

“I........I want that. I would like that.”

He looked frustrated, “Damnit!......Okay, go back home. You do your best work there anyway.”

“I know.”, she said again in a sadder tone.

Later that day, he helped her pack and then drove her to the airport. He unloaded her bags and came up to her, embracing her in a close hug.

“Don’t drink!”, he warned her, “and don’t drug out. If there’s ever a problem, call me. Don’t let things get that far. I will call every day if I can. You can call me anytime you need me. I still think you’re better with me there with you, so if you ever need me to come, I will. But if I suspect you’re drinking or taking the pills again, I’m coming whether you want me to or not.”

Her head on his shoulder, she hugged him tighter, murmuring, “I know...”

“I will miss you.”

“Me too.”

She meant it. He turned to go when she caught his arm. Then she pulled him back and kissed him, a long slow sensual kiss.

“I don’t understand you sometimes....”

“I know. I don’t understand me either.”, she said, “I really don’t want to hurt you. It’s just.....”

She trailed off then said, “Take care of yourself.”

“You do the same. Remember, I’m only a phone call away.”

“I will.”

He walked around to the driver’s side and got in. As he drove away, she stood there and watched him until he was out of sight, hoping she wasn’t making a mistake. She held herself together as she gathered her bags and went into the terminal. Still, two tears managed to sneak out onto her cheeks.


	4. Chapter 4

"Hello...”

“Jolene?”

“Hi, honey! You back from that trip of yours?”

“Uh, Yeah. Benny.... .....uh, he put me on a plane to come back home.”

Jolene stiffened. She did not sound right.

“What’s the matter?”

“I’m... .....at Toby’s.

“Are you drunk, Beth?”

There was a pause, “I just need to talk. I need....”

“How much have you had to drink?”

“Enough.....Too much......Jolene........please come talk to me.”

“Stay right there. I’m coming.”

Two hours later Jolene strode into the restaurant, quickly finding the table at the front where Beth usually liked to sit. A telephone had been set up for her, the receiver still off the hook. She was already into her third bottle of wine. There were three empty martini tumblers off to one side. Jolene motioned to the waiter and signaled him to take the wine and the telephone away. He moved quickly to do so, glad to have an excuse to do it.

“Hi, Beth....”, she said softly.

Beth didn’t look at her. Her eyes stayed downcast and she just leaned into Jolene’s shoulder and nearly passed out.

Jolene held on to her, comforting her as much as she could. In the meantime she signaled the waiter again, motioning for the bill. He produced it and she looked at the total, then dug some bills out of her purse and gave them to him, waving him off to keep the change. Then she got up with Beth in her arms and slowly guided her out of the restaurant.

She got her back home and lowered her down on the couch sitting close beside her, holding her hands. Beth was just numb, staying quiet with her eyes closed. Jolene went into the kitchen and started some coffee, then came back.

“Did you take any pills?”

“Three of them, I think. Please don't tell Benny.”

Jolene huffed in irritation.

“What’s the matter, Beth?”, she asked softly.

Beth shook her head for a moment, “I.....Why do I feel so bad?

“Because you took those damn pills and drank all that alcohol!”

“No!”, she moaned out, “Why do I feel bad about Benny?”

“What do you mean?”

“I left him. I pushed him away. I couldn’t concentrate on my chess.”

“He’s just another man, honey.”

“Yeah, but.......I could connect with him. I think I can trust him, like you. He’s a chess player, like me, and he can see the game like I do. We could connect that way, like nobody else.”

“So what? Are you in love with him or something?”

“What? No! I mean, yeah, he means a lot to me. But we’re chess players! We don’t do relationships. We’re just really good friends.”

“Never seen good friends fuck as much as you two seem to be doing.”

She moaned again, “Shit, Jolene. I don’t need you to criticize my sex life!”

“You could find a good woman instead.”

She shook her head, “Tried that once. It was .....well.......but, nah.”

“So why are you getting wasted? Why is it bothering you so much?”

She looked up, her face scrunched in confusion.

“I........I have to be alone to concentrate, to study correctly, to learn the games of my opponents.......But I like him being around. I can be comfortable with him around, mostly. I want........I want...”

“You want him with you? Beth, you don’t like anyone near you. You barely tolerate me!”

She had to laugh at that, “I am so screwed up. I don’t know what he sees in me.”

Jolene tsked at her, “You turned out just fine. Ain’t you looked in the mirror?”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“Dammit, Beth. You are an attractive woman. You sure dress up pretty enough.”

She didn’t answer right away, just seeming to be thinking, then, “Well........I suppose the clothes help.”

Jolene shook her head in exasperation.

“God...... Let’s get you to bed.”

She got her up the stairs and then helped her out of her clothes and into pajamas, then put her under the covers. She was asleep in no time.

The next morning, Jolene made a fresh pot of coffee. She looked in the fridge and found some eggs, scrambling them up as Beth came trudging down the stairs into the kitchen. She got a mug, filled it, and sat down heavily at the table. She had the coffee half drunk when Jolene scooped the eggs onto a plate with some fresh toast and butter and put it in front of her. Beth made a face.

“Eat it.”, said Jolene, “You look like shit. You made me come all the way out here to rescue your sorry ass, _again!_ , So do it. I done told you. I ain’t your guardian angel.”

Beth grudgingly took the silverware and began to eat.

“How you feeling?”

“Like shit.”

“I don’t doubt it.”, Jolene answered nonchalantly, “So why is this one man a problem?”

“Dammit, Jolene.....” she muttered in exasperation, dropping her face onto her arm on the table.

When she looked back up, she scrunched up her face at her, “It’s not him! It’s just.....Okay! We respect each other. We’re collaborators. He knows exactly what I’m going through in chess. He’s the only one I know who can see the moves like I do. The sex was.......well, it’s nice to have too. Actually, it was damn good!"

Jolene had to laugh, teasing her, " Uh-huhhhhh!"

"Yeah, it got so much better when I was in New York. It also screwed me up so much I couldn’t think straight. It’s like when he’s around, my game gets compromised."

“So he respects you? Sounds like Aretha Franklin’s kind of ‘respect’ if you ask me. Did he kick you out?”

Beth scowled, “No........It was me who chose to leave.”

“And he wanted you to stay?”

“Yes. But my playing was suffering.”

“Your playing suffered? Beth, you push him away, but you want him with you too. You need to make up your mind, girl.”

She made a face, “I don’t know how to explain it! It’s just......complicated.”

“Like your mother was complicated?

She just sat there chewing her eggs, thinking, eying her with irritation.

“You want to tell me about those pills and that book over there?”

Beth stopped chewing and looked down a second, surprised by the question.

“You saw that, huh?”

“Kind of hard to miss.”

She ate the rest of her eggs and said, “I got called about the trailer I showed you, you know, the one I lived in with my mother? The county is building a new road through where the trailer is parked. A building inspector called to tell me they had to take it away and junk it. He asked if I wanted to go through it before they had it condemned. At first I didn’t think I wanted anything, but then........well, I felt I needed to take a look. Benny drove me there and I went through it. I found the book and the pills.”

“Why did you take them?”

Beth had an unfocused look as she sat there.

Her voice was strained as she said, “I don't know exactly. I hadn’t thought about any of that in so long. It still hurts to remember it. But when I saw the pills, I realized my mother was taking the same pills we had taken in the orphanage, the same pills Alma was taking. I had no choice, because now I understand what those pills are for........And I’m scared! _Why was she taking them?_ ”

She almost broke down again as Jolene put an hand on her shoulder. Beth just let out a couple of small sobs, then got herself under control again.

“Sorry,”, she said, “It hurts.”

“I see that. You going to be okay?”

“I think so.”, she said quietly, “I will be.”

“So what are you gonna do?”

She took a deep breath and let it out, “For now, not think about it. I just have to get back into my routine. Chess, eight hours a day. Eat, sleep, do it again....”

“And Benny?”

Beth shook her head, “Both he and I need to prepare for the tournaments. I can’t do that with him around. He distracts me too much. But he’ll keep in touch. He’ll call every night.”

Jolene thought this through and replied, “I don’t pretend to know what requirements you need to have to play chess, but it seems to me there are plenty of married chess players out there.”

“Yeah, but are their wives involved in it?”

“So?”

“When they play, and study, and work on their game, they do it alone. Their wives are nowhere near it. There are no distractions. With Benny, it’s both of us. We can’t separate the chess out from what we are feeling for each other. It’s in both of us at the same time. I can’t work the lines out because.......because he gets in my way.”

“But them chess players get together with other chess players and collaborate, don’t they?”

“Yeah, but they’re not fucking them.”

Jolene looked at her with a jaundiced eye.

“So it’s more than sex as far as you are concerned. Why is that a problem, exactly?”

Beth stared at her, annoyed.

“Okay, I do care for him. But chess is what I am, what I need. It’s the same for him.”

“But you should be able to do that together, can’t you?”

She shook her head, “Not now.”

“I think that's bullshit, Beth. But okay, fine......Are you gonna be all right now? You going to go back to drinking and popping pills again?”

Beth smiled, “Right..... sorry.....”

“You should be.”

“I know........I’m sorry to make you come out all this way again, Jolene. Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet. I still have to kick your butt on the racquetball court.”

Beth looked at her in horror, “Not today! God! I feel like.....”

“Best time to do it. I’ll get your gear.”

“Jolene, no! Please! Let me rest a little!”

Jolene relented and didn’t kick her butt until that night. The phone didn’t ring that night, but Benny might have called when she was in the gym.

After Jolene left the next morning, Beth just wanted to get back in her routine. That was what made her most comfortable. Study, eat, sleep. That was it. The only alterations were for her to go to her Russian classes and to work out. But that had worked into the pattern well enough and it was soothing and satisfying to her that everything was in order.

She hated anything else that changed her routine, and this was part of the problem she had with Benny in New York. It wasn’t his fault. Things were getting too unpredictable. It was nine weeks until Palma De Majorca, and she plunged into her world to get ready.

While in New York, she had started getting the subscriptions she bought just before Moscow. They were piled up in front of the door when she had gotten back. The best was _Chess Informant_. It had only been out for a few years, but it was the first periodical that actively collected all of the major games played around the world and listed them in one volume, where before you had to hunt and peck each tournament or country and try to find them from a lot of different sources. There were also the Yugoslav periodicals, _British Chess Magazine_ , the German _Deutch Schachzeitung_ , _Shakhmatzi v. USSR_ , _Éches Europe_ , and the _American Chess Bulletin_. There also was _Chessy,_ a Spanish publishing house with some valuable game records. With this bounty of recorded games, she set to work to find the ways to beat every opponent she would come against.

***

Over the next year, she and Benny played several tournaments. Mostly, they both played in tournaments where there were a significant number of grandmasters, though not the same ones. She didn’t want to have to play him because she was still sensitive about him losing to her and making him depressed. However, there was one major tournament they had to play together, Palma.

At Palma, she and Benny had separate rooms, but he spent all his time with her. It showed. She came in sixth, losing three games in the process. He actually did better at fifth, though he lost three games too. She was so angry after that, she could have spit nails. She was sure it was the sex that was distracting her, and the way she felt for Benny. It was so hard to concentrate when all she could do was think about when they could get back to bed.

Towards the end of the tournament, she thought about trying to abstain, but it was too late anyway, and it was just too hard to avoid doing that while he was there. It annoyed her that she wanted him so much. All the other tournaments she attended were without him there. She either won or came in second, without any losses.

She had her International Masters title by June, rated 2477. Benny made it to grandmaster with a 2562 in September. Beth made sure to not play any more tournaments in which he would also be playing. The US championship was a roll over, and she repeated the win there easily. Benny chose not to play, wanting to not upset either of them. She stayed in the hotel instead of his apartment to avoid the situation where they would be tempted. He kept trying to convince her there had to be a way it could be worked out, but she couldn’t see it. She maintained her distance. It aggravated him, but he patiently accepted it.

She ended up playing Borgov two more times over that year. Once they drew. The other game she lost, in Zagreb. She couldn’t see any mistakes. She went to her room enraged, playing the game over and over in her head, searching for the answer. She finally found it on the tenth move of the game, where she played too timidly. She should have attacked, and then she would have had at least a drawn game.

She sat down to dinner that night in the hotel restaurant still upset about it. She finished eating and was enjoying a little post-meal coffee, going over that game in her mind when she heard her name called from behind. She turned to look and was surprised to see Vasily Borgov standing there, two handlers behind him.

“May I join you, Ms. Harmon?”, he asked.

She was speechless but she nodded, just staring at him as he sat down opposite her. The waiter came to see if he wanted anything, but he waved him off.

“Are you in good health?”

“Y-yes, Mr. Borgov, I am.”

“I hope you are enjoying your stay here.”

“It’s going very well.”

“I am pleased. I was hoping to ask you about Palma. You did not do well there.”

“Yes. I was........distracted.”

His thick eyebrows furrowed for a few moments, but then relaxed as he understood.

“I see. Well, certain sacrifices must be made to do what we do.”

She looked at the handlers a moment, then asked, “Is it all right for me to talk to you?”

He chuckled, “You are not considered threat. But also my countrymen have adopted you as their own. Everyone says you must have some Russian in you. I believe that to be true even if not by blood.”

She was speechless, staring wide-eyed at him.

“T-thank you, Mr. Borgov”, she said in a half whisper.

“Please, call me Vasily, if I may call you Liza.”

“Of course, si.......Vasily.”

“Thank you, Liza. I had thought to give you advice, if I may, about your.....distraction.”

How would he know? Of course. The KGB would gather every bit of information they could get on anyone they felt was important enough, such as major chess opponents. But then, she and Benny didn't exactly hide how they spent their time when they were together. It brought out the color in her face as she thought about it.

He noticed that, “Please, I have no wish to upset or embarrass you. That was not my intent.”

“Uh.....it’s okay. What did you want to say?"

His face became serious as he spoke.

“I have found in past that separating your chess life from rest of your life is difficult, but can be done. I understand that couples as young as you and Mr. Watts can be quite, shall we say, amorous. It can distract and hurt your chess. I had same problem when I was younger as I had just gotten married. Do you plan on marriage?”

She blinked, “Well.....we haven’t talked about it, yet.”

_‘Yet? Jesus!_ ’, she thought, _'Both of us know we could never go through anything like that!’_

“I see. I wanted to suggest finding way to separate your two lives, chess and outside chess. With Svetlana and I, I had to spend my time studying chess without anyone around. It focuses my concentration.”

“I’m the same way.”

“Very good. But you must learn to not think about chess all time. Have place where you can study by yourself, but when you leave it, leave chess there. You must live life outside of chess too."

"My stepmother used to say the same thing to me."

"She is correct. I have watched you, and I believe there is no moment you do not think of chess.”

He was right. Chess was in her mind twenty-four hours a day. That was natural to her. It didn’t occur to her there was any other way. She thought that was required to win. But If Vasily Borgov could be world champion that way, it must work. Maybe for him. She wasn’t sure it would work for her.

He continued, “Being able to concentrate on chess may also require certain other restrictions. I wish to be delicate here, but it may need some adjustment in the......bedroom.”

She had a slightly annoyed look, not because he was irritating her, but because he was right.

“Yes. That has been an.....an obstacle. You aren’t.....watching us or anything, are you?”

  
He smiled hugely, “No. But it is easy to see how devoted to each other you are. You must think me very forward, and I apologize for that. But we are chess players. This is our world, and I truly wish for you to succeed as best you can.”

She blinked, completely surprised.

“Th---thank you. So did you have to....do that with your wife when you’re going to a big tournament?”

He smiled again, nodding, “It was in beginning of our marriage, yes. Since then, we have managed to avoid having to follow such restriction because I was able to separate my two lives. Chess and not chess. You must learn to shut chess out as well at certain times. It can be done.”

Shut chess out? Unthinkable. She mulled it over before she answered, and was surprised he was exactly correct.

“It’s amazing that you have described the problem so accurately.”, she said.

“It is through my experience, that I know.”

“I....I will try to take your advice to heart.”

“You played well today.”

“I still lost.”, she said in irritation.

“But you made no mistakes.”

“I did. At move ten.”

Borgov’s eyebrows lifted slightly, “Very good, Liza. It is variation from tournament played in Russia. I believe it has not been published outside my country.”

“No wonder I never saw it then."

“You played it perfectly otherwise.”, he said as he stood up, “I look forward to seeing you again. Good evening.”

“Uh, good evening, and thank you again."

With that, he turned and left the room. Beth stared at him as he left, wondering what she had that would interest the world champion enough to even talk to her at all, not to mention discussing intimate matters.

 _‘We’re chess players. We’re all prima donnas.’_ , she remembered Harry saying. Maybe that was it...... maybe not.

***

She had planned to go to the Moscow invitational again, but at the last minute there was a flare up of hostilities between America and Russia, and the Russians cancelled all travel by Americans to the country. It was smoothed over eventually, but not until after the tournament. She heard Borgov won it with no problem. In January 1971, her rating increased to 2582. She had made it to grandmaster level. Now she wanted to lay low and concentrate on Palma this year. She had to win it.

After she flew home, she set up a routine to start looking over the grandmaster games for each one of the GM’s going to Palma, including all the Russians. Borgov, Shapkin, and Laev, for sure, as soon as she found out which ones were going. She was not sure of Luchenko. He was retired from competitive chess, and she knew he wouldn’t try for the Candidates Tournament, though he might go to Palma anyway.

Just as she always had, she lined up the periodicals and systematically started going through them front to back, as she had done with _Modern Chess Openings_ all those years ago. Start at the beginning and don’t stop until the end. Benny eventually was able to give her the list and she looked up the names of the grandmasters and IM’s going. She went to Morris’, sending off for a copy of their most recent games if she didn’t already have them. She still had to deal with that irritating woman who knew nothing about chess, so it took a while for her to get the order right.

There were the other Russians with whom she had to be careful as well. They were not quite Borgov’s or Luchenko’s caliber, except possibly for Laev. But they were still tougher than anybody else in the world. Laev was their up and coming star, still in his twenties.

Benny continued to call almost every night. They discussed her progress and what needed to be done next. She would go over variations and he had some other lines ready to play. Sometimes she wondered how he knew, but he did see things before she did every now and then, and it was valuable. His way of thinking was different than hers, so a fresh set of eyes like that was helpful. It was good, superior in certain ways. It was what enabled him to win, too.

He continued to play minor tournaments with big purses while she concentrated on Palma. It built up his cash reserve.

She would often take breaks and go walking around the neighborhood and in the parks. Sometimes people recognized her and politely waved, but never bothered her. Jolene would come down and play racquetball and handball with her on some weekends. It was good to have her around to talk.

They had just finished several games one weekend and headed back home a little later than usual. When they walked in the door, the phone was ringing. Beth hurried to catch it and it was Benny.

“Hello...”, she said.

“Hey. How’s it going?”

“Fine. I finished some racquetball with Jolene. We just got home and we’re about to have some dinner.”

“Good. Did you finish the Yugoslav magazines?”

“Yeah, I’m doing the Russians now.”

“Okay. You might as well not bother with the American magazine. They’re just repeats of games already in the others, and the analyses just aren’t that good.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“I got a couple of books I’m sending you. I think you’ll like them.”

“Sure. Thanks.”

“So, are you doing all right being by yourself?”

He didn’t ask that question often. She thought it was when he got kind of introspective for some reason.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“No booze or pills?”

She became irritated, “No, Benny. I’m not doing that. You don’t have to ask that all the time.”

“Hey, I don’t ask that often. And you know that I understand something about what you went through. You know I damn near died..."

"I know, I know...."

"So yeah, I’m going to ask sometimes.”

She fumed a little, but then calmed down. If anybody had a right to ask, it was really Jolene.......but maybe him too.

“I’m fine, Benny.”, she said calmly, “I’m not taking anything.”

“Can you come to New York?”

“I’ve got to get ready for Palma.”

“Yeah, okay.”

He sounded disappointed. 

“Gotta go. Call you later.”

“Yeah. Bye.”

“Bye.”

She hung up the phone as Jolene came out of the kitchen.

“Benny?”

She smiled, “Yeah.”

“Hmmmm.”, she said, “You already sound like some old married couple.”

Beth rolled her eyes at her, replying heavily, “Jolene.......We just aren’t that way. We have a connection with chess. That’s all.”

"And you don't love him?"

Beth sighed in exasperation, "Jolene, I'm not even sure I know what love is in the first place!"

“Well, you know, flower power and all that. Sex, drugs, and rock and roll.”

“Come on. It’s not a big deal anyway.”

“I don’t know, girl. The way you talk, it sounds like you two are like dogs in heat whenever you do get together. You might as well be married. Is that why you’re apart?”

Feeling embarrassed, Beth replied, “Jolene, don’t! Okay?”

“Well, if not him, was there anybody else you were interested in?”

Beth became quiet, “Well.....there was one. His name is Townes.”

“Who’s he?”

“He was one the chess players I beat for the Kentucky state title. He’s.....gorgeous! He became an associate editor for the Lexington paper. He might have made it to editor by now.”

“So what happened with him?”

“He isn’t attracted to someone like me.”

“Like you? He’s not interested in you?”

“He’s not attracted.....to girls.”

Jolene’s eyes opened up some, “I see.......He plays for the other team.”

Beth’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “What team are you talking about?”

Jolene chuckled, “It means he gay.”

“Oh.......”

“You do know what gay mean, right?”

“Yes, I know. But he’s still a really good friend. We have lunch every so often to catch up.”

“Good for him. Not so much you.”

“Jolene! You are terrible!”

“I’m just saying....”

Beth tossed one of the couch pillows at her, laughing.

***

Jolene left on Sunday to go back to Louisville, which was a good two hours away plus some. Beth went back on her study schedule. When Benny called, they discussed chess and little else. Over the months, with Benny’s tutoring and suggestions, she built up in her mind a massive repertoire of chess games to which she could refer in her playing. Coupled with her intuitive sense, she steadily made more progress. The pill vial and the black book lay on the coffee table untouched. She would look at them every now and then, and would get thoughtful. But it troubled her when she did, so she put it out of her mind as much as she could. She didn’t know what to do about them.

There was a tournament in Atlanta one week, and she decided on a whim to go down and play it. One of the reasons was because Jolene was going to finish her masters in May, and this was where she had a job waiting for her. Her plan then was to go to law school there while working. Beth wanted to see the city and get an idea of what it was like if she was going to visit. First prize was a decent enough amount of money to make it worth while. When _Chess Review_ found out she was there, they wanted her for an interview, which she gave with some trepidation as usual, but they were quick and to the point, and more importantly didn’t ask any dumb questions. She agreed to pose for photographs with a chess board and then they left her alone. There were three rated Grandmasters at the tournament, one from Argentina, one from Yugoslavia, and the other from Poland. She still took home first place with an undefeated record and only two draws. It was reported in the news, of course, and she halfway wished they didn’t. She was always having to look over her shoulder when she was out of the house in case she got ambushed by some reporter.

It was five more weeks to Palma de Majorca. She had entered the Belgrade tournament to get a little more experience against Russian grandmasters, the one major tournament she felt she needed before Palma. There was some interest in the news when it was learned she would be there, though thankfully not much. She didn’t get bothered by any reporters, although Townes was nice enough to put a blurb on her in the paper. The tournament was a team competition, the USSR against the world. They were heavily in attendance. Even young Georgi Girov, now a strapping eighteen years old, had been brought along. This time Benny would be there too. It was a four round event, which was okay since they would not play each other. She was matched against three of the lesser known grandmasters, but also Vasily Borgov. He was first board for the Russians. She wondered if someone had arranged for that intentionally. Benny thought so.

She had literally been petrified the five times she had already played him. Now she was not so afraid. But it still was going to be murderous and it made her uneasy. Her record with him was one win, one draw, three losses. Could she still win?

She ate her meals with Benny each day they were there, and they would stay together when not playing, analyzing the other games. But they slept in separate rooms, as she began taking Borgov’s advice to heart. When she explained that to Benny, he wasn't happy about it, still suspicious as to why Borgov would give her advice like that, but he went along with it.

She would try to have two lives, one chess, the other not chess. She had never quite thought of it this way, but it seemed to be workable. She had little trouble with the other three grandmasters, winning all of them. But her last game was against Borgov.

She ran into Georgi later in the day after the third game, remembering when they first met in Mexico City when she saw him. She actually had found him a little annoying at first back then, and didn't exactly treat him all that well either because of it. But he was only thirteen. She should have been more tolerant herself. But having just turned seventeen, she wasn't that mature either. She didn't want to do that to him again. He approached her in his reserved manner.

"Good afternoon, Ms. Harmon. It is good to see you again. I am sorry we did not get chance to play this time."

She looked at him, noting the changes. He was now taller than her.

"Me, too. My, Georgi, you have really grown up. You look very handsome."

He smiled, blushing slightly, "Thank you. Are you playing at Palma this year?"

"Yes. Will you be there too?"

He lost his smile, "No, I will not. Federation feels I must improve more. Perhaps next year."

"I'm sorry. I know how much you really wanted to go for the Candidates Tournament these last two times."

He nodded philosophically, "It is fine. I know I will succeed in time."

"I'm sure you will."

"Are you intending to go for world championship?"

She smiled, "Aren't we all, Georgi? I'll just have to see how well I do."

"There is much discussion among my countrymen about you."

She thought about that momentarily, "I'm sure."

"May I ask you question, Ms. Harmon?"

"Please, call me Beth. What you want to know?"

"I thought much on our game in Mexico City. When you came back after adjournment, you did not have to look at board. You knew exactly all moves. Did you know every way I would respond?"

Beth nodded, "Yes, I worked them out the previous night."

"Could you tell me how many variations you saw?

Beth had to think a moment, "Um........a hundred forty two."

" _Da nu!",_ Giorgi exclaimed, "I..... I have not heard of anyone capable of doing that many, except possibly Borgov."

Beth smirked, "You probably are right. By the way, have you had a chance to go to a drive-in movie?"

He shook his head, "I have not had chance yet. I should be able to go to America soon to play in tournaments there. Then I will try to see one."

"I wish you luck."

"If you are at same tournament, I would be honored for you to come to drive-in movie with me, though I understand you have companion."

Beth smiled wider, pleased he thought that much of her.

"That is true. But I would have been very happy to go with you. However, you do realize that most American teens don't go to drive-in movies just to watch them, right?"

He looked at her strangely, "I....I do not understand."

Beth had to laugh. She held his hands and gave him a sisterly kiss on the cheek.

"Don't worry. You'll figure it out."

***

She arrived early and was waiting as he came into the room and stood in front of the black pieces. He held out his hand and she shook it. His game face was on; cold, almost cruel, unyielding. She opened again with the queen pawn, and he answered with a Slav defense which progressed with the main line and the Steiner variation. This concerned her. He hardly ever played this, and must have prepared it in advance. She played out the expected book moves, trying to see what he was playing for. She had memorized the variations, but then on the twelfth move he played something new. He attacked the center with P-K4, and she had not expected it. The more she looked at it, the more she studied it, she could see where it was going, and she couldn’t do anything about it.

It was brilliant. Had he worked that out himself? This must have been another variation she did not know, a game played in Russia but not published outside the country. All she could do was play it out and hope for a mistake down the line. But this was Borgov. This was what he was the master of, knowing literally every single line. It was why he simply did not make mistakes. She had to resign on the thirty eighth move. She was not surprised. She saw it coming fifteen moves back. She again had played her moves perfectly, and still lost.

That afternoon, she was in the lobby staring out a large window, trying to admire the architecture, and failing to do so as she fumed inwardly. She should have seen it coming before the position got that far. Benny was still playing Luchenko on the second board, so she hadn’t been able to talk to him about it, although more than likely she would have just vent her anger and frustration. She was glad he would still listen.

A voice from behind her said, “Liza...”

She turned to find Vasily Borgov standing there, a slight smile on his face. She thought it so interesting how away from the chess board he could be so soft, so approachable.

“Oh....hello, Vasily. It’s nice to see you.”

“ _How is your Russian coming along?_ ”, he asked in Russian.

Of course, he knew. She had surprised him with it at the Paris news conference. She answered in Russian, though with a little difficulty.

“ _I am not fluent, but I can converse a little. I am continuing to take classes._ ”

He switched back to English.

"That is good to hear. It is not something one can learn in just few months.”

“It has been a challenge.”

“Walk with me, please?”

He started walking around the lobby and she timidly stayed at his side. His two KGB agents trailed behind at a reasonable distance.

“You played very well today.”

“And still lost.... _again._ ”, she said heatedly.

He smiled, “Your emotion becomes you. It shows your dedication. I was sure you would not be familiar with this line either. You still didn’t make any mistakes.”

“I still should have seen P-K4.”

“Perhaps. When did you know how it would end?”

“Twenty-third move.”

He nodded, pursing his lips, “Impressive. That’s why I wanted to talk to you. Dmitri asked me to go over your games, and I must say I agree with him. You are indeed a wonder.”

She looked at him, surprised, “Uh.......thank you.”

“You have made FIDE grandmaster now.”

“I had to.”

“Of course.”

He stopped, turning to face her.

“I wanted to speak to you because I could see it in your playing today. I would encourage you to not be so, how should I say it......pessimistic. Do not be in hurry.”

She felt warm, comforted by his concern. He seemed to really care for her. 

She nodded and said, “Thank you. You’ve been so kind to me.”

“Normally, I am not seen that way.”

“True. I understand why, of course. But if I may ask, why is it different with me?”

“Because I agree with Dmitri. I think you are best chess player I have ever played in my life too. I’ve never seen intuitive player like you.”

She stared wide-eyed, shocked.

“Th----thank you.”, she whispered.

He laughed softly at her discomforture.

“Do not let it go to your head. I am not saying it is enough to get you to world championship. Do you plan on going for world championship, Liza?"

She stopped and looked at him, "Yes, Vasily. That is my intention."

He smiled, "Good. But you will have to earn it."

"I planning on it."

"You still have much to learn."

Regaining her calm, she replied, “I know. I am still all attack, aren’t I? Vulnerable to reprisals that take advantage by coming in behind me. I still get angry and then get careless and make mistakes, looking for the spectacular sacrifices that aren't going to be there. You were right about all that. And also about that rumor.....”

“It was only a rumor.”, he said, interrupting her, “I did suspect something when I saw you rushing in like you did in Paris. You had bad night, I am sure. I knew it especially when you resigned. But please, I make no aspersions to your character.”

She nodded, smiling, “That’s very generous of you. But it’s true. I really screwed it up. It was my mistake. I have learned from that and I am better now.”

“You are still young, and you are better now than you were then or in Mexico City. You were how old there?"

"I had just turned seventeen."

He laughed, " You were rather upset. You threw king down like child."

She looked askance at him, "Uh, yeah. I guess that was a little childish."

"Do not be embarrassed. You were still child then. But you are not now. Also, you have coach who has taught you much. That is good.”

They continued to walk around the lobby.

“Yes, Benny’s been real good for me.”

“He is accomplished player himself, yes? Strong grandmaster.”

“Yes.”

“But you are not together? So I heard.”

“Well, we are sort of together. It’s just......... It's too distracting for him to be with me. We sleep in separate rooms here. At home we don't live in the same city, but we talk a lot over the phone.”

“I understand. You remember what I said?”

“I do......I just haven’t figured out how to do it, yet. Benny does really help me. His focus now is on my playing, getting me ready.”

“As good second should do. I want you to know that I welcome your competition. Both Dmitri and I think you could be best of us, if you work for it correctly.”

He switched to Russian, “ _After all, this is chess._ ”

She replied in Russian too, “ _Yes. This is chess. Thank you so much._ ”

He smiled and bowed slightly to her before walking off with his handlers. She stood there staring, still wondering why the world champion would even deign to talk to her. She remembered him at the dinner for the contestants at the Moscow invitational the previous year. He was very open with the other players and their wives, so he was very social within his own group. With foreigners he was known to be cold and reserved. He was always polite and civil, of course, but exhibited nothing further than that, until now. The only way most people knew him was as a competitor over the board, the cold emotionless warrior. But he approached her at Zagreb, and again here in Belgrade. She could hardly believe it. When Benny finished his game with Luchenko, she had to tell him. He couldn’t believe it either.

In the end, the tournament was fairly successful. Borgov won with three and half points. She was second with three points. There was a large group at two and half, including Benny. As expected, the USSR took the team competition handily. When they left Belgrade, her plane left first, so Benny met her in the lobby just as she was leaving.

He embraced her and she kissed him gently.

“So are you going to continue to take Borgov’s advice? Find a way to let me be with you?”

“I will think about it. I promise.”

He said he would call her when he got home. She kissed him again before she left. People didn’t understand their relationship. It was for chess. That was their primary interest, and this was the way it had to be done. The sex was......... God, it was good!.......but.......

She got back into her strict routine of study when she got back home. Her constant method of arrangement of the games in her mind got better as she worked, and she was more confident she could actually win. It was a rhythm that became so comfortable to her, ultimately soothing in its predictability. Sometimes she would get groceries that would last her a week, and she would get so engrossed she wouldn’t step out of the house all that time, except for her Russian classes. Three weeks to go to Palma, she was reading the newspaper while taking a break and was perusing an article about doctors and medical records or something. There was some scandal about it in a hospital down south.

It got her thinking. Her mother had the same pills she had been hooked on. There should be medical records to go with that somewhere. She put the paper down and looked at the vial. There was a small piece of paper inside it. She opened the vial up and gently pulled it out. She had to be careful because the pills were so old they had started to fall apart. The pharmacy’s name was on the paper. Looking in the phone book, she found the number, called them up, and asked if they had any records on the prescription. The pharmacy at first refused her request. When Beth explained she was the patient’s daughter, they relented. But it was so far back, twelve years or more. They didn’t keep records for more than ten. Luckily, they were able to pull up an old receipt that was stuck in the next folder which they found by luck, but it was for a medicine called lithium.

“What is that?”, asked Beth.

“It’s a medicine sometimes used for certain neuropsychiatric conditions.”

She wondered about this. Did her mother have such a condition? And why didn’t they know about the green pills?....

“Was there a doctor’s name on it? He might be able to tell me more.”

They found it and told her who it was. She looked up his number too, part of a group practice, but when she called she found out that the doctor had retired.

“What about the medical records on his patients?”, she asked.

“You can ask the doctor who bought his practice when he retired.”, said the receptionist over the phone.

She got the name and found the new doctor’s office, but was told that records were confidential and could not be given out. Beth explained that she was the patient’s daughter. But the office manager said that unless the patient herself signed off on a release of information form, there was nothing she could do. Beth hung up the phone, frustrated at having hit a dead end, again.

Since she couldn’t think of anything more to do, she let it go. She dove back into her studying. Once he found out what it was, Benny sent her the list of the grandmasters they knew were going to be there. As expected, the Russians were in full force, except for Borgov. He didn’t need to play since he was champion. She wondered about that as she looked over the rest of the list. Yes, Duhamel, Hellstrom, and Flento was there too, with several more of their countrymen. She qualified simply by being the US champion, along with the second and third place finishers. She gathered the games of these players together and started to review them. Over the next few days, Benny went over them in detail with her over the phone. Beth had the charges reversed on the longer talks as she could afford it now.

She hated to admit it, but it really was better without Benny there. She missed the sex, but put it out of mind. This was simply the way she had to do it. One evening they were wrapping up a conversation about how to handle Laev, who they had found out was definitely attending. Benny also found out Luchenko would be there as a coach for the team.

“Laev will hammer you if he can.”, he said.

“I know his favorite openings, and the different lines.’, she said, “Probably better than him now.”

“I’m sure you do. I’ll have to discuss that with Ray next time I see him. He’s been following you with great interest, you know, especially when I told him about our grouping method of seeing the board in our minds.”

“To who?”

“Ray. Raymond Feinstein. He wants to keep up with your progress.”

She had completely forgotten, “Oh, yes. I remember. How’s he doing?”

“He’s great. Still would like another game from you though.”, he said with a chuckle.

“I will, just not right now.”, she replied, smiling to herself, “At least not for the foreseeable future.”

“Whenever you can.”, he said, “Okay, I’ll talk to you tomorrow then?”

“Sure. See you then.”

She hung up the phone, still smiling. Things were good. She was on track for Palma. She had no doubt she would win. She and Benny seemed to on a stable footing with each other too, even if he was still frustrated at not being with her. She wasn’t getting drugged out or drunk, and had no desire to do so. She still had the urge, but it was not huge and overriding. Looking at the coffee table at her mother’s things there, the thought came that there had to be somebody who might be able to help her with her mother’s medical records.

The next morning, she put in a call to New York and made an appointment. She reserved the plane ticket and packed a small bag. Calling the Hudson Hotel, the same hotel the championship tournament was held, she reserved a room. She didn’t tell Benny she was coming, feeling that seeing him in person was dangerous right now. The next day she made the plane trip and landed in New York. She took a taxi to the hotel and got to her room. When she unpacked her luggage, she dressed in a smart outfit she often wore to her tournaments and took another taxi over to the East Side. Walking into the clinic, she approached the receptionist and told her she had an appointment. She was shown to the office soon afterward.

She didn’t have to wait long. Five minutes later, the smallish middle aged man walked in with a ready smile, his hand out. Beth stood up and shook it, smiling in return.

“Beth!", Dr. Feinstein exclaimed, "How wonderful to see you again!"


	5. Chapter 5

“What can I do for you, Beth?”

Now that she was here, she started thinking this was not such a good idea. She had not taken into account that she might have to discuss some things from her past, at least a little, something she really wanted to avoid, and she had not considered it until she was actually here in his office. But she was determined to get those medical records, even if she had to talk about her past. She couldn't tell Dr. McAndrews, who was the only other person she thought could help her with this. She barely could tell Benny. But Dr. Feinstein was a chess player, a former Grandmaster. He was part of the world she lived in. That meant he could understand. If there was anybody qualified to know her situation, it was him. Benny trusted him completely, and she felt she could take a chance with him.

“I’ll need to explain this a bit.”, she started timidly, “I’ve.....uh, you might know I was orphaned at the age of eight. My mother was killed in a car crash in Lexington, Kentucky, and since my father was also gone, they sent me to an institution called the Methuen Home which is a Christian home for orphaned girls.”

“Your father? Just gone?”, he asked.

“He died too. That's what my mother told me. I once overheard Mrs. Deardorff, the director at Methuen, say she didn't know who he was or if he lived. I don’t remember him much at all. I stayed at the orphanage until I was adopted by a couple called the Wheatleys five years later. I was thirteen years old then. It was early that year, 1963. Mr Wheatley wasn’t around, always traveling on the road as a salesman, and he deserted us about six months later. He never liked me much anyway. He only went through the adoption to try and keep his wife from bothering him, basically to shut her up. After that, it was just my adoptive mother and me, until she died about three and a half years after that, from hepatitis, or so the autopsy showed."

"Hepatitis?"

"It was called acute alcoholic hepatitis, complicated by what they called ben-zo-..... Uh, anxiety medicine intoxication."

"So your adoptive mother was mixing anxiety medications with alcohol. She was prescribed these medications?"

"Yes."

"I see. Go on."

I had just turned seventeen. Since I was so close to my next birthday, had money in the bank and no relations to claim me, I just pretended I was eighteen and was able to keep going to tournaments until I actually became a legal adult. Then I was independent. I was able to support myself.”

Dr. Feinstein frowned, “After the husband left, why didn’t they send you back to the home?

“Alma Wheatley, my adoptive mother, lied to them. When the state workers came by to check up on me, she kept apologizing to them that he wasn’t there, telling them that her husband was always out on the road, which was true enough, earning the money to keep us in the house. It was convenient for both of us. She didn't want me to leave, and I didn’t want to go back to the orphanage.”

“How did you live then?”

“I started playing chess tournaments and made money that way, for both of us.”

"How did you do that as a child?"

"Alma chaperoned me to all the tournaments as I was growing up, until she died."

“Where did you live after she died?”

“I stayed in the same house. When she died, I had to find Mr. Wheatley to find out how to bury her, and he told me I could have the house as long as I made the payments. But then he came back a couple of years later and demanded I leave so he could sell it. I just paid him for his equity and he left.”

“I see. Go on.”

“I don’t like to dwell on my past before the orphanage. It......hurts. But two weeks ago, something happened that forced me to think about it. I was called about the old trailer home my mother and I used to live in before she died. It’s been abandoned now for about ten years, and the highway department wanted it gone as they were putting a road through where it was. They called and wanted to know if there was anything I wanted to get from it before they bulldozed and hauled the thing away. At first I didn’t think there would be anything. But I changed my mind and went. I found two things.”

“Why did you change your mind?”

She paused, blinking, “I..........don’t know. It just felt.......right.”

“I see. Go on.”

She reached into her purse, a larger one than she usually carried, and pulled out the black book and handed it to him.

“I barely remember this. I was about four and I was in the bedroom looking at it. Mother was out back burning a lot of things in this big oil drum. I remember putting the book back under the bed. I don’t remember why. The other thing I found was this.”

She pulled out the pill vial and handed it to him.

He looked at the bottle with curiosity and rubbed his chin in thought.

“I know this medicine.”, she said, “It’s a tranquilizer called Librium. The other name I can’t pronounce, but it is C-H-L-O―”

“Chlordiazepoxide. Yes I know it. Very addictive.”

“Yeah, that’s it.”

“Why was your mother on these pills? Did she have an anxiety problem?”

She shrugged, “I don’t know. That’s what I want to find out. I was hoping you could help me get her medical records.”

Dr. Feinstein sat down behind his desk and looked at the book and the pill bottle.

“Don’t you have a doctor back home who could request these records for you? You could have done this all by yourself too. You didn’t have to come all the way to New York.”

She ducked her head, looking embarrassed.

“I.......I don’t know how to do that, and I don’t trust my doctor that much. I mean he’s okay for the general stuff, but......well, Benny said you would understand better since you’re a Grandmaster.”

He paused a second, nodding.

“Thank you, Beth. I appreciate the trust, and I want to help you if I can. I am in a unique position, being both a chess player and a psychologist. I’m not a medical doctor, but I think I might be able to do something. I do need to know more. Why are you so interested as to why she was on these pills?”

“I wanted to know if she had some sort of condition that was, you know, genetic.”

“You’re worried you might have the same condition, then?”

“I don’t know.......maybe, yes.”

He gazed at her and she could see him thinking behind those eyes, which had now turned very discerning.

“Have you been taking this medicine for a condition?

Beth was startled, replying, “Oh.....no. I don’t take them.”

He paused a second then asked, “Did you ever take them?”

She froze in fear. She didn’t want to go this far. It hurt.

She could see his mind working in his eyes.

"Your adoptive mother was taking these pills too, wasn't she?"

She blinked in surprise, her voice caught in her throat.

He saw her hesitate, “Beth, I am not judging you. I only want to understand. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. But I’m trying to understand why you want your mother’s medical records. If I am to go through official channels on this, it’ll help to know.”

Beth’s throat constricted, but she wanted those medical records. Benny had sworn by him, had recommended him, and he knew chess like only a very few, like her, knew it. They were all part of that very elite club...

“I........used to take them.”

“For a diagnosed condition?”

She fretted, “Uh.........not really.”

He nodded knowingly, “So it was.........recreational?”

“I just took them when I got too, you know, upset, or I couldn’t sleep.”

“But there’s no doctor who is prescribing them?”

Beth shook her head, “I have some contacts in Mexico that send them to me.”

“So, you’re worried that she had an addiction that was passed on to you?”

She pressed her lips into a line, nodding slightly.

“Did you use anything else?”

She swallowed reflexively, “I used to drink heavily too, and smoke.”

"When you say heavily, do you mean steadily or just at certain times?"

"Uh, well no, not steadily. Only if something really stressed me out, usually."

"And the smoking? Marijuana?”

“Yeah, but I’m not all that into it. I haven’t used it in quite a while. I didn’t really care for it that much. I've quit cigarettes too."

“That's good. So would you say you’re an alcoholic?”

She ducked her head again, looking around the room, avoiding his eyes.

“i guess so.”, she said quietly.

"You were using the same things, alcohol and Librium, like your adoptive mother, like your birth mother."

"Only my birth mother didn't drink."

"But it still scares you..."

"Yes.", she whispered fearfully. She really did not want to go this deep into her history.

“I see. You seem to be doing well now. You've stopped drinking for how long now?”

“Uh, more than a year, since the US championships in '70..... Benny helped me quit."

He nodded, “That’s good. Can you tell me when you first started taking the pills?”

“When they first sent me to Methuen, they forced all the girls there to take them. I didn’t like it at first, but eventually I came to need them.”

A look of disgust came over his face as he glanced away. He nodded.

“I’ve heard of some institutions doing things like that. A reprehensible practice. How long did it go on? Was it ever reported?”

“It went on about two years after I got there. Then the state passed a new law prohibiting those pills being used like that. Afterward, it became really hard to get them. My friend Jolene was always able to come up with a few. She said I was going through withdrawal. But eventually she ran out too, and they were no longer available. I was at the orphanage for three more years after that, until the adoption."

“So you got off the pills, then.”

“Yes. I stayed off them for those last three years. But I still wanted them. When I was adopted, that's when I found out Alma, my adoptive mother, was taking them too, so I took a few of them from her from time to time. She never caught on.”

He thought about that for a while.

‘Isn’t that enough?”, she asked, “Can you get the records?”

“Not quite”, he answered, “Just a little more, please. I’m sure you’re not on the pills now. And you’ve stopped drinking. When did you quit the pills that time?”

“That time, shortly before Moscow in '68. Jolene helped me stop."

“Yes, who’s Jolene?”

“I grew up with her in the orphanage. She’s four years older and she looked after me. We’re like sisters now. She lives in Louisville and works as a paralegal.”

“And after you stopped, were you able to play without being under the influence?”

“It was the pills that let me see the board.”

“The board?”

Beth took a deep breath. Jolene and Benny were the only ones who knew this too. 

“Ever since I was a little girl and first learned how to play chess, I could always see the chess board on the ceiling of any room I was in. I would lay awake in bed at night and just play the games. I would save up the pills and only take them at night because they made me relax, you know. I came to need them to be able to do it.”

“I see. Which games did you play?”

“The ones in the books I had. I didn’t have a chess set, so I memorized them.”

He stared at her.

“Really? How old were you when you started?”

“Eight, when I first came to Methuen. I did that for five years.”

“Without a chess board?”

“Yes. Then I was adopted and was able to get a board, and I got into tournaments. When I won, I would come home and get in bed and replay the games in my head, on the ceiling. That was where I could find any weaknesses in my game, find the best solutions to problems, no matter where I happened to be playing. I could move the pieces in my mind. I could see how to play to win, and it always worked. I would win the tournaments doing that. But I could only do it when my mind was, you know, a little fuzzy and relaxed. I had to take the pills for that. Later the booze also helped.”

“So that’s why you kept taking them. But what about Paris? You were completely off in your game with Borgov.”

‘ _How did he know that?_ ’, she thought, ' _Ohhhh, yeah. The newspapers...'_

“That was a mistake. I screwed up there. I took too many pills and drank too much the night before. I didn’t get much sleep and was really hung over. But it was Moscow where I was able to do it the first time without the pills or the booze. I was able to do it once more after that, but now I can’t.”

“Only once more?”

“Uh...........yes.” He saw she didn’t want to get into that.

“How were you able to do it that time?”

Beth’s face got red, and she was tongue tied.

Noting this, Dr. Feinstein said, “Beth, I’m not treating you as a patient, unless you want me to. If you don’t want to tell me because you’re embarrassed, I understand.”

She swallowed, but for some reason she felt she could trust him.

“Uh.........it was.........well, Benny and I just had, uh, really good sex.”, she said very quietly.

He looked at her and nodded to himself. He went on. 

“I read about the tournament in Atlanta. Impressive. Have you been able to stay clean all this time, since '68?”

“Not quite. I relapsed one night.....with alcohol and the pills. Jolene came and pulled me together again.”

“What happened?”

“Benny and I sort of separated.”

“How come?”

“I can’t focus on chess while we’re together. It was distracting my concentration on the game. So I went home. He stayed here. That was more than a year ago."

“I see. Beth, you don’t have to answer this, but what is the nature of your relationship with Benny?”

She reddened even more, and felt she had said too much already. But she might as well finish it.

She replied, “We.....uh, we’re really just close collaborators. We work together on chess. We also.......have sex together sometimes.”

“I understand. Please know, I’m very fond of Benny. I don’t judge your relationship with him. That’s your business. I ask because of his interest in you. I understand the single-mindedness of a top level chess player only too well. Benny is the same way. He doesn’t let anybody distract him from chess, either........until you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Benny’s entire life, as I think is true for you too, is chess. Nothing but chess. He allows nothing to get in the way of that, including women. Oh, he’s seen women, takes them to bed, but it’s purely physical. Eventually they tire of him and leave. Most of the time, he doesn’t even take notice.”

She ducked her head, still uncomfortable as to where this was going.

“But you’re different, and it’s because you’re like him. Your goal is chess mastery, like him. He can relate to that.”

“Yes, but our relationship is just as friends more or less, Dr. Feinstein. I mean, yeah, we care for each other. But that’s it. The sex is just convenient and nice.”

“I assume you are protected?”

“I have an IUD’”

“Good. Please continue.”

“Well, our chess goals coincide. It’s nice that he understands how much chess means to me, like no one else.”

“I do, too.”, Dr, Feinstein replied, “Believe me, I do too. I do understand the obsession, the sacrifice of everything else to that passion, even personal relationships. That’s the main reason I quit.”

Beth didn’t answer, just nodding that she understood.

“But there’s also one other aspect that probably has more bearing on you two.”

“Yes?”

“You’re better than him. I’m not sure he would be this interested in you if you weren’t.”

She stared at him, confused, “I don’t know what you mean.”

“For now, let’s come back to that another time, okay?” 

Dr. Feinstein looked down at the book.

“It appears your mother had a doctorate in Mathematics, and was on the faculty at Cornell University.”

“What?”, asked Beth, “Where does it say that?”

He held the book up, “On the inside page. And this is the sort of publication that would have been made by a faculty member. That means she could be called ‘doctor’ Harmon, like I am called ‘doctor’ Feinstein. She apparently taught there. Not like medical doctors, of course, but still it is a title well earned.”

Beth was surprised. She knew what a Ph.D was, but.....her mother was a teacher? At a university? In all the time she had been with her, she never remembered her ever working anywhere. Was it before she was old enough to remember anything? She knew the book was about mathematics, but that was all. She didn’t understand what was written inside.

“Where is Cornell?”

“In New York. A town called Ithica.”

“Okay. So could she have medical records there? Can I get them?”

“Possibly. We need to get a copy of your mother’s death certificate, Then we can get release of information papers signed showing you are her daughter, and that you are entitled to those records. When did your mother die?”

“Twelve years ago.”

“It’s a stretch but the records may still be available.”

“I already found some in Lexington. There is a doctor there who has them, but I need authorization.”

Beth reached in her purse and pulled out the papers she had.

“Here’s my birth certificate.”

Dr. Feinstein looked at it.

“Your father’s name was Paul?”

She nodded, “It says that. Like I said, I hardly remember him. Just a couple of images.”

“Okay. We’ll have some forms for you to sign so we can get copies of all this from the proper authorities. I’ll see what I can do.”

Beth sighed in relief, “Thank you, Dr. Feinstein.”

“Ray. Call me Ray.”

She smiled, “Thank you, Ray.

He smiled back, “I know this was hard for you, Beth. I am honored that you will trust me this far, and I would like to continue helping you. But I sense you’ve never told anyone about this. Would you like to come back and talk more? It might be helpful if we find any important information in those records.”

Beth considered it. She was not so intimidated by him now.

“Let me think about it.”

He nodded knowingly again.

“Okay. Does Benny know you’re here?”

She didn’t answer, just shaking her head.

He frowned some, “Really, are things all right between you two now?”

Her eyes went unfocused as she thought on it, saying, “I don’t know. I just had to be by myself. He didn’t want me to go, but he’s been really good about letting me. It’s.......I couldn’t get anything done with him there. It’s because of the chess, not that we didn’t want to be together. Being alone lets me concentrate on the chess, because it's hard not to think about him when he's near me. ”

“Are you sure that’s the reason? People who are as intimate as you two have been and care for each other that much don’t usually make such snap decisions.”

She thought about this. Was it the chess? Or was she just frightened?

“I needed to be able to study my chess.”

“But Is that all?”

She couldn’t answer, looking anxious.

“I was too scared. I’ve met so many people in my life over the last year, gone to places I’ve never been to before. With Benny, I’ve never been this close to a man like this. It’s....it’s actually exciting, but it's also....."

“It’s just really frightening to you.”

She sucked in both lips and bit down softly, trying to keep from crying.

“Do you believe Benny would hurt you?”

“A little. I’m more scared I’ll hurt him, make him leave again."

She couldn’t stop the tears from coming now.

Dr. Feinstein came around from behind the desk and sat on the front of it, gently taking her hands

“Damnit!”, she blurted out, “I hate this. I am not some crybaby who can’t take care of herself.”

“Dear, of course not. You have proven that. But it’s okay to cry when thinking of things that make you sad, or depressed, or scare you.”

She took her hands back and wrapped her arms around herself, mentally willing herself to get under control.

“It’s okay, Beth. Do you feel comfortable talking about it with me?”

She looked up at him then away, thinking about it.

“I feel okay. Actually it’s just...........nice to tell someone about it.”

“You can come back and talk to me all you want.”

“Thank you.”, she replied.

“Let me go to another topic then. I want to ask you some questions about your chess playing, if I may.”

She nodded.

“Your ability to play chess in the beginning without a board is amazing. How did that come about?”

Beth explained how Mr. Shaibel taught her using his chess board, how he gave her the first chess book she ever read, and how she defeated the Duncan High School chess club in a simultaneous.

“So how do you memorize the positions?”

“I see pieces arrange in a certain way that can be grouped together. Benny told me he does the same thing. I know those groups will do certain things, what squares are vulnerable or strong. I also memorize the pawn structures. Doing it this way makes it easier to memorize the positions.”

“Benny told me you did that. And he told me how many pieces you an put into a group. Is that correct?”

“Yes, usually eight to ten, but it’s not unusual for me to have as many as fifteen. I think I average twelve, maybe.”

“And how many groups per position?”

“One can be enough, along with the pawn structure if the number of pieces has declined enough. But otherwise, usually two, once in a while I may need to do three.”

“Beth, you do the same thing almost all top level chess players do to play the game. Are you aware that the most pieces they can put in a group and keep memorized is eight? And that they usually would need three to five groups per game to represent the entire position, although they usually only use one per game?”

“Benny told me that. I don’t know why that is.”

“And they don’t put every piece into a group, but you do.”

“That’s what I usually do.”

Dr. Feinstein smiled and shook his head, “Wonderful. In the future, I hope you will let me test you in your chess playing. It would help me greatly in my study of chess psychology.”

“Sure. I think I would like that.”

Still smiling, he said, “Beth, do you know about the history of chess?”

“Well, I’ve studied back to the games of Paul Morphy....”

“No, I mean how it originated.”

“No.”

“Chess was invented about the sixth century in India. It soon spread to Persia, and then to the Arabs. By the ninth century it had spread to Europe. By the thirteenth century, it was the dominant game there. The rules changed somewhat over the centuries. In medieval times, there was no queen. The piece was called the Vizier, and it only could move one square diagonally.”

“How did it change?”

“At the end of the fifteenth century, there was a time when women were gaining more importance in politics. Around that time, the Vizier was converted into the Queen and became the most powerful piece. It was a reflection of the history of the time. Somehow, I think you might do the same thing now.”

She ducked her head, feeling slightly embarrassed, saying nothing.

“Are you good at math.”

“Yes. I was always at the top of my class in school.” 

“Hmmm. Can I try a couple of things with you?

“Uh....sure.”

“What’s 67 times 283?

Beth just blinked as the numbers appeared in her head.

“18,961.”

“And 542 times 956?”

Again the numbers appeared in her head.

“518,152.”

She had answered immediately.

“Okay. If I have eighteen oranges and I take away three, and keep taking away three more, how many times would I have to take oranges away until I’m left with only six?”

Beth went blank. She had to think about this. It took her a few seconds as she counted it out on her fingers.

“Uh, four.”

“When you eat a meal. How do you like to eat it?”

Beth thought this was a strange question.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Is there a consistent way you approach the meal?”

“Well, no. But when I was kid, I always ate the things on my plate one at a time. I still do, mostly.”

“You mean you would eat the entire serving of one food before going to the next?”

She nodded yes.

"Do you get upset if your routine gets interrupted or changed during the day."

"Yes!", she answered firmly, "It's..........really annoying."

"I see."

“Yes. Uh, Ray, are you treating me like a patient now?”

“Do you want me to?”

“I don’t know. It’s just these questions are....weird.”

Dr. Feinstein smiled, “I apologize, Beth. It’s old habit. I’m a curious individual by nature. Okay, let me get my office manager and we’ll get those forms signed. I don’t have the time right now to talk with you further, but let’s see if we can get a game in next time, okay?”

She nodded agreement, smiling back. He handed the book and pill bottle back to her and then went to retrieve his office manager. He waved goodbye as he had another appointment to make. The office manager had her sign the forms and then she left. She did some shopping, grabbed a couple of outfits, and then went back to the hotel.

***

She flew back the next day and immersed herself again in her routine, still feeling a little insecure about talking to Dr. Feinstein the way she did, but it achieved her goal toward getting the medical records. Two weeks later a Special Delivery by the US Mail was delivered to her door. She signed for it and opened the package up. In it were the copies of the birth certificate she had and the death certificate. Included were the forms for release of information.

The next day she looked up the address of the doctor’s office and went there. She showed them to the office manager, a rather uptight woman with exaggerated cat eye glasses who seemed to think she was far more important than she really was. She looked at Beth’s documents and sniffed at them, but found them in order. She then said the records were in storage and would take a day or two to recover. She could come back then and get them.

Two days later, Beth returned and she was handed a large manila envelope full of papers. It was about two inches thick. All the copies inside looked like photographs. The manager said it was the Xerox electrophotocopying machine they had that did that. It also cost Beth twenty dollars. Beth asked why and the manager replied that the information in the records did belong to her, but not the paper it was copied on. She had to pay for that.

Beth didn't want to fight. She handed her twenty dollars and left.

Back home, She took out the large stack of papers and started looking at them. It turned out to be a morass of undecipherable writing. Every now and then she would see a typewritten letter or other legible record, but that added very little. Usually those were addressing her mother that if she wasn’t willing to follow the doctor’s advice, she would be let go as a patient. The great majority of the records were hand written notes. It was hard to read the wild scribbling, and whoever wrote them used a lot of abbreviations and acronyms of which she had no idea. Every now and then, she could read things like, “unstable mood swings”, and “refused to change her medications.” It didn’t make sense overall. She was going to have to ask Dr. Feinstein to interpret it.

She called his office and asked to have him read the chart and see what he could make of it. His receptionist was sure he would and asked her to send the chart, giving her the mailing address. She took the whole mess down to the library, where they had a machine on which she could make copies. She had to pay for that too, but it was only two cents a page. Then she sent the copies to Dr. Feinstein.

A week later, he called her back.

“Hello, Beth.”

“Hi, Dr. Feinstien. Were you able to understand it?”

“It took some doing. This guy really had bad handwriting, even for a doctor. But what I could tell is your mother was being treated for manic depressive disorder with schizophrenic tendencies. What doesn’t make sense is that the Librium is the wrong medicine to be given to a patient with this condition.”

“Then why did he give it her?”

“As best as I could tell, she refused to take anything else. His notes suggested repeated attempts to get her to quit them and go on the right medications, but she wouldn’t do it. When she wasn’t taking anything, she apparently got quite manic. The Librium seemed to help some, but it really isn’t the right drug. He kept her on the tranquilizer because he thought he could limit how much she took and eventually convince her to take the right medicine, plus he didn’t want her to go to someone else who wouldn’t care and just give her all she wanted.”

“What medicine was she supposed to take?”

“They’re called lithium salts.”

Beth suddenly remembered, “Wait! I found out from the pharmacist she used here that she had a prescription for it.”

“Did she ever get it filled?”

“It was too long ago. The only thing they found was the receipt for the prescription.”

She heard him sigh, “Well, that’s the limit of what I could find. The actual diagnosis was not made in Lexington, though. She already had it and was supposed to be taking the pills when she went to Kentucky. Do you know where that was?”

“I........I don’t know. I don’t remember living anywhere else before Lexington.”

“I see. The records do seem to indicate she was diagnosed in New York.”

Beth’s breath stopped for a moment, “In... ...Ithica?”

“Close. Syracuse.”

“What’s there?”

“SUNY Upstate Medical University. It makes sense. They have top notch medical care up there, and its only half an hour to an hour or so from Ithica.”

“Can we find out what happened?”

“I think so. You’ll have to go in person though with identification and the same documents that got you the medical records there in Kentucky. You could get your own medical records too.”

Beth was startled.

“What......?”

“Look at your birth certificate.”

She pulled it out and looked.

“Okay....”

“See the hospital name that’s listed?”

“Yes. It says Upstate Medical Center.”

“Exactly.”

She was confused, “ I don’t see......”

“Beth, that’s the hospital in Syracuse. It doesn’t have that name any more, but you were born there.These medical records mentioned that."

She was numb. She had not examined at the document that closely. She did now, and saw the addresses given for her parents were in Ithica, New York. She looked at that, wondering why they had two different addresses.

“I.........I never really looked before.”

“Do you still want to obtain those records.”

“Yes. Yes, I do. But I can’t right now. I’ve got Sarajevo coming up.”

“Oh, yes, I almost forgot.”, he replied, “I will follow your games with great interest. When you come back, I want to hear all about them.”

She smiled, “I will, and thank you.”

***

She put this new information out of mind as much as she could. She had to concentrate on the tournament.

For Sarajevo, she thought she had prepared pretty well. Her bank account was still in good shape. She had been offered several endorsement deals for various things, including cigarettes, but she turned them all down. She did not feel comfortable doing any of that at all. And how did they know she had smoked? Somebody must have seen her somewhere.

She felt ready and was now simply going back over the material she had already memorized before, keeping it clear in her head. She would lay in bed at night, staring upward, and the games would come to her easier, every move, every variation, every line, all in her mind. She still couldn’t see the board on the ceiling. But it felt so close.

While she was in New York, she had gone shopping and had bought those two new outfits for the tournament. She felt good and wanted to reward herself. She purchased some new nylons as well, but was thinking of not wearing them any more. That was the trend these days, at least in America. More younger women were going out with bare legs. Alma had taught her how to shave her legs when they first started going to the tournaments. Beth bought a new razor on this trip, especially made for women. Alma had to use her husband’s old one. She thought about the nylons and sighed, thinking the tournament was too conservative a place to go without them for now. She would wear them.

She now had three pieces of luggage along with her matching carry on toiletry case. One bag contained only books, magazines, and the chess set. It was the same chess set she bought at Snyder’s so long ago. The roll up board and solid, well made pieces were all she needed, and she took good care of them.

  
The plane trip on a KLM airliner to Sarajevo was shorter than the one to Moscow. The city was beautiful with near ancient architecture hundreds of years old. The tournament venue was held in a hotel which was one of those structures. An official from the US Embassy met her and escorted her to the hotel, but soon left afterward. She settled in and ate at the hotel restaurant. The food was different, but it was quite good.

The next morning, she found herself in a large banquet room where chess boards were arranged four to each side. Display boards were right behind them. The other fifteen contestants were with her as the tournament director announced the arrangements and rules in the several languages required to be understood by everyone. She was assigned to the sixth board playing the white pieces against a man named Adrianakas, a grandmaster from Greece. He did not speak English. The players went to their assigned boards.

Adrianakas was a middle aged balding man, slightly overweight, dressed in brown suit and tie which didn’t quite fit right. Despite the look he had, Beth was aware of his chess acumen. He was capable of powerful indirect attacks and was a master at the hypermodern style of defense. She was glad she read Nimzowitch’s book on the philosophy of it. His past games had shown excellent counter play to strikes in the center. She thought he would let her take the center like that and then he would flank her.

He studied her with a curious eye. Beth wondered if he was debating whether she was real or not. She was dressed in a subtle subdued red dress with a gold belt, the fabric almost like a rich velvet. The skirt reached to her knees below which she wore her favorite black pumps. He smiled and stretched out his hand, which she shook. They sat down and waited.

The tournament director came by and punched the clock and she opened with the English opening, P-QB4. This was an opening that did not commit her to any particular line of continuation, able to be converted into many other different opening positions depending on what black played. Unsurprisingly, he replied P-KN3. She changed tactics and pushed P-K4, pushing for the center. He fianchettoed the bishop to KN2. She took the center with P-Q4 and continued to dominate it as he played to the sides to flank her. But he was trying to attack on both sides at the same time, and that was not a smart thing to do. On move ten, she had a three pawn front in the center and pushed P-QB5. He captured, and she recaptured. He attacked on the king side, forcing her knight into a corner. The next few moves he tried to attack the king side and Beth had to maneuver to protect her pieces there. He pushed the king pawn to the fourth rank, opening the way for his light square bishop. She moved her queen rook pawn to the fourth rank attacking his pawn on QN4. He moved the pawn to QN5 attacking her knight.

Beth studied the position and she started to see the lines she needed to follow. She looked up at the ceiling, wanting the board to come to her, but it wouldn’t. She was going to have to do this the hard way. She closed her eyes and concentrated.

It took twenty seven minutes of her time, but she worked it out. She moved her queen knight to Q5. Adrianakas stared at the move. It was a knight sacrifice. He thought she would retreat the knight, not offer it in exchange for a pawn. Now the knight was attacking his queen, and if he did not capture it, it could be posted strongly at QN6 where it would be a terrible force to deal with. He studied it for several minutes, trying to figure out what she intended, but could not see anything, or so Beth guessed from the look on his face. He took the knight with his pawn. She recaptured with her pawn. White now had two strong passed pawns, side by side. He saw this coming. He decided the knight had to go. He played P-KB4, trying to counterattack. She pushed the queen pawn to Q6 attacking his queen. He moved the queen to QB3.

Then she made her next sacrifice, the bishop to QN5. It pinned his queen to her king and had to be taken, which he did with the QR pawn. He recaptured with his own queen rook pawn, again attacking the queen. This also opened up the rook file, the rooks attacking each other. Now he had to make a choice. He could capture the pawn with his queen, but then his rook would be hanging. It was either that or face a powerful wall of three passed pawns in the center. He felt the pawns were more of a threat than losing the rook. He took the pawn. She took his rook at QR8 with her own. He attacked back with his queen. She protected it by doubling up her rooks on the queen rook file. He attacked her other bishop with P-KB5, still trying the counter play. She ignored it and played her rook on the back rank to QR7. This was a direct attack on his king, putting a mating net in place. A rook move to K7 would be catastrophic. He had to protect the king by moving his knight to Q2 to block the rook.

The third sacrifice came with the rook on QR8 capturing black’s bishop at QB8. He was forced to recapture with the queen. Then she moved her queen to Q5, getting ready to invade black’s back ranks on either side. There was little he could do to prevent her coming in. He kept trying to get something going on the king side, capturing the bishop on K6 with his pawn, now attacking his other knight. Her queen went to white’s K6, checking the king. The king fled to KB1. She used her remaining rook to capture the knight on Q7. He used the same pawn that captured the bishop to capture her knight at KB2. She had literally just given him a knight and bishop on two moves, and kept ignoring it. Her king was checked and she moved the king to K, locking the pawn down at his K7, not capturing it. He tried to bring his queen over to his K1, offering a trade.

She made the fourth sacrifice. The rook went to KB7 checking the king. He had to recapture using his queen. At this point, she had literally sacrificed every piece she had except her queen. He still had his queen, a rook, a knight, and a bishop. Her queen went to QB8 and checked the king again. The king could not move to a safe square, so he had to block with his queen. Then she moved the queen pawn to Q7, protecting her queen, and attacking his at the same time. It was a brutal counter play. He would lose his queen any way he moved her. Trying to delay the inevitable and protect his queen with his rook, he moved the king to KB2. She captured his queen on K8, promoting her pawn to a second queen, which was promptly recaptured by his king rook. She checked the king again from QN7, and he interposed the rook at K2. She moved the QB pawn to the sixth rank, protecting the queen. Black could capture the queen with the rook, but then he could promote the remaining pawn. He wouldn’t be able to stop her. Having nothing better, he moved the king pawn up to K5 to try to connect it with his pawn on KB7 and push them both forward. She moved her pawn to the seventh rank, threatening to queen it. He pushed the king pawn further to the sixth rank, protecting the other pawn there from being captured. The queen moved to check the king. He moved. She forced him back to KB7. Then she sacrificed her last piece, the queen, by capturing his rook. He took her queen with his king. He still had a Bishop and Knight. But then she queened her last pawn.

Everything had changed. She had a queen against only a knight and bishop. Yes, he had the two connected passed pawns, but her king was more than enough to take care of them. He tried a few more moves in desperation, but it was clearly lost, and he resigned on the forty-eighth move. By this time, several people and a few more of the players had gathered around the board observing it closely. As she shook Adrianakas’ hand, they broke out in applause for one of the most remarkable games they had ever seen. She had sacrificed every single piece she had, and won.

The games were played twice a day, making it an eight day tournament. She had eleven victories, four draws, and no losses to win the tournament. She flew home with yet another trophy for the piano top to hold. Even though she had changed out all the furniture in the house and gotten rid of her mother’s things, essentially making the place her own, she had kept the piano. The first place money was also very good. It was a nice quiet trip back home.

***

“Jeez, Beth. That game was amazing.”, said Benny on the phone, “Every single piece sacrificed. Beautiful.”

“You did pretty well, yourself. Two and a half out of four. Pretty nice.”

He scoffed in disgust, “Luchenko still wiped the board with me, _again_.”

“He’s got 200 points on you.”

“He had 600 on you, and you still won.”

Beth was relaxed in bed, “Well, obviously that rating was underestimated. You should still make 2700 soon.”

“Maybe.”, he replied, “I miss you.”

She didn’t answer immediately, but then....

“I miss you too.”, she said softly.

“What do you have coming up?”

“Uh, Zagreb, Buenos Aires, Sochi are on the schedule. But I don’t need to go. How about you?”

“Skopje, Zagreb, Buenos Aires,, the Rubenstein Memorial.”

“Still avoiding playing me?”

“You know the only thing I have to do to psych you out is get you in bed.”

She laughed, “And you wouldn’t do that, would you?”

“Not to win at chess. When do you think we could see each other?”

She was silent for a time. She wished he didn’t push so much at this. But she also didn’t blame him for it.

She said, “I don’t know. Maybe when I’m world champion.”

Benny scoffed, “Don’t joke with me.”

She didn’t answer.


	6. Chapter 6

After she got home, Beth took a break from chess. Gathering up her birth certificate, her mother’s death certificate, and various copies of release of information forms among other papers, she packed a bag for a short trip and took a plane to Albany. From there she took a Greyhound to Syracuse, then a taxi to a Holiday Inn near the Medical Center. She had reserved a room there over the phone before leaving Lexington. It was almost evening when she got there, and she ate dinner in the restaurant next to the hotel. That night she read Bronstein’s book on the Zurich International Chess Tournament of 1953.

The next morning, she went to the hospital and asked where she could get medical records. She was sent to the basement to a room with a split door, the upper half open. There was a clerk there looking through some papers and Beth could see it was a huge room with free standing shelves packed with heavy cardboard manila folders stuffed with papers. She got the clerk’s attention and told her what she needed. The clerk said she had to get her boss. A short while later, the director of the department, an older gray-haired woman, came up and Beth repeated her request. The director asked for authorization and Beth pulled out all her documents and showed her. The older woman looked at these for a while, and said that they seemed to be in order, but Beth would have to sign the release forms for the hospital itself. She produced the forms and Beth promptly signed them.

She waited for an hour on a chair near the door. The clerk returned, saying they did find the records, but they were over fifteen years old and were stored on microfiche. It was going to take time to retrieve and print them out. It would be best if she came back tomorrow. Beth left and returned to the hotel. She put her bathing suit on and went down to the pool. She did several laps and then dried off and sat in one of the pool chairs, pulling out the book on endgame analysis that Borgov wrote. She liked going over it again and again. She marveled at the man’s perfect deductions and how they worked. Yes, his playing was mechanical, uninspiring, workmanlike, boring. But it also won. It was the perfect representation to show why the Russians were the best players in the world.

A couple of children splashed and played in the pool with their parents watching them. Another man was sitting in a pool chair eying her with some interest. She did not pay him any attention. Later, he casually walked by, probably looking to start up a conversation. He noticed the cover of the Borgov book, then seemed to have a change of heart and walked on. Beth thought he probably wasn’t looking for someone with more intelligence than he had.

The next morning, she returned to the hospital and they had the records ready for her. They were in a nine by ten inch box which was nearly completely filled. Beth was surprised at the sheer volume. As before, she had to pay for the cost of the copies, and even at two cents a page it was a considerable sum.

They snugged a cardboard lid onto the box and then taped it down. It was really heavy, but Beth managed to lug it back to the hotel. She hadn’t been sure how long she was going to have to be in Syracuse, so she hadn’t booked a return flight home. She picked up the phone to do that, then paused. She was thinking that she was close anyway, so why not? She decided to go to New York City and made the arrangements.

Her reservation confirmed, she checked out of the hotel and asked for the bellboy to help with the luggage, especially the box of records. The taxi dropped her off at the airport. Once she purchased the tickets, the check-in clerk asked for her luggage. Beth gave over her bag and then pointed at the box the porter had brought in. The clerk looked at the box and said they really should tape it down more. This was done and then it was taken with her bag to be put on the plane.

In New York City, the taxi took her to Dr. Feinstein’s clinic. She had the taxi driver carry the box in, tipping him well for the task. She talked with the receptionist and told her she had brought the records for Dr. Feinstein to look at. She looked at the box in surprise, saying she wasn’t sure he would agree to it. She went back to check with the office manager. She returned later and said that Dr. Feinstein would look at it later, and that Beth could leave the box with her. The door opened and a male attendant came through and picked up the box and took it inside. Beth thanked the receptionist and left. 

She had to go to the airport, but as she waited for the taxi, she felt the urge to do something else. An idea had been forming in her mind. She kept thinking about what Borgov had told her, about separating a chess life from one that didn’t involve chess. It took her a good ten minutes to work up the courage to do it, but then she had the taxi take her to Benny’s apartment.

His Beetle was parked outside, so he was sure to be in. She noticed it already had a couple of parking tickets on it. He was so bad about that. She took her bag, walked down the stairs, and knocked on the door. A moment later it opened and Benny looked at her in surprise. He was half dressed, having only pajama bottoms on.

“Beth! What are you doing here?” 

“I had some business in town I needed to take care of.”

“Business? What business?”

She became a little irritated, “Benny, I just wanted to visit, okay?”

He looked at her a second then said, “Sorry. It’s great to see you. Did you need my help or something?”

“Do I have to need your help just to see you?”

He blinked at her, surprised and smiling, “No, not at all. Come on in.”

She carried her bag into the apartment. As she suspected, it was a little trashed out, although his sink was clean. There was no smell.

“How long are you here for?”

“Just the night. I fly back out tomorrow.”

“Okay. Did you want to go over something, analyze―”

“No. I don’t want to do chess. Let’s just do something else, okay?”

“No chess?”

“Yes. Remember when I told you I got advice about trying to separate my life in chess from the part of my life that doesn’t have chess?"

He stared at her strangely, “From Borgov?.....Uh, yes. But you have no part of your life that doesn’t involve chess.”

She bit her lip looking indecisive, “I know. I want to try something. That’s why I’m here.”

“Uh, sure. What did you have in mind?”

“Let’s..........let’s have dinner somewhere, take a walk, maybe Central Park, you know. Something like that.”

He nodded with a smile, and then picked up her bag and carried it into the bedroom. She followed and he left and started to clean up near the shower while she changed out of her clothes into something more comfortable for going out. As she did, he was watching her as he cleaned up.

She glared at him, “Stop that.”

Nonplused, he replied, “What? You don’t like me looking at you?

“It’s how you’re looking at me.”

Confused, he frowned, “How am I looking at you?”

“Like a carnivore tracking prey.”

His eyebrows went high and he raised his hands in surrender as he said, “Sorry, I wasn’t aware I was doing that. It didn’t seem to be a problem before.”

“You weren’t looking at me like that before.”

Completely befuddled, he asked, “How was I looking at you before?”

She didn’t answer, just closing the door to the bedroom, but she smiled. He grunted in confusion and went back to cleaning up. She changed into hip hugger jeans and a peasant blouse with a grid pattern on it in bright colors which showed her bosom off well. She had Birkenstocks on her feet. Platforms were becoming the rage, but Beth did not care for them. When she finished, he changed into his ever constant leather trench coat ensemble. It made her think again how he looked like a cowboy, which she still found attractive, but it was getting a little tedious. Maybe he’ll let her shop for him and find new clothes to wear.

He took her to a Greek restaurant that he favored, and they ate gyros and dolmades. She enjoyed it, finding herself able to relax. They took the subway and went to Central Park, taking their time and walking through it, just enjoying the scenery. They didn’t talk much. When they did, it often involved chess, and Beth had decided that they weren’t going to do that.

“How am I going to help you get ready if you won’t talk about it?”, he asked.

“No chess. Not while I’m here. We can get back to it when I’m home in Lexington.”

That turned out just fine for him. It was an enjoyable evening. They went to visit Wexlar and Levertov. They did play chess, but it was different when they played with others around. It was for fun. They were not so bothered this time when she won, or at least they didn't show it. Then they laughed over wine and chatted about most everything.

Benny was impressed. Beth was almost never this social. She hated crowds and being around other people. He thought whatever trauma she had in her childhood made her that way. This time she was making an effort to interact, but there was something curious. She often would not understand inferences, or the punch lines to jokes. She would go along and laugh because everyone else did, but he could see she often didn’t really understand even though she tried. Similarly, she didn’t talk all that much either. When she did, she tended to be literal in her words. He wondered about that. But everyone, including her, had a good time.

When they got back to the apartment, she became tense, uncertain. Benny wasn’t sure how she wanted to sleep.

“You take the bed.”, he said, “I’ll sleep out here.”

She didn’t answer, just looking at him a second.

“Benny, would you come in here?”, he heard her ask.

He got up and walked in the bedroom. 

He frowned slightly, “What is it, Beth?”

She placed her hands on his chest and looked up at him, asking very quietly, “I think I can concentrate at chess well enough at certain times when we’re not together. But at times like this, I am trying to not think about chess. I want you. Please, stay with me.”

“Even if I look at you like a carnivore?”, he said grinning.

She made a face, “I don’t know. It seemed like you were leering at me.”

“Leering at you? Beth, I love looking at you, especially if you’re undressing.” 

She looked annoyed by that, “Well, don’t. Okay?”

He laughed, “Yeah, okay. Are you sure about this?”

She nodded, “I’m sure.”

That first night was like heaven to her. She didn’t know if she had ever felt so good even after Moscow. She lay with her head on his shoulder, snuggling herself to him.

“How are you doing?”, he whispered.

“Wonderful...”, she said dreamily

She opened her eyes, “I want to try something.”

She turned over on her back, staying within his embrace, her head on his shoulder.

She stared at the ceiling for a time and then smiled, her eyes tearing up.

“I can do it.”, she whispered, “I can do it again. And I’m sober.”

She had not taken any pills, not for a long time. He chuckled and lay there holding her, letting her play to her heart’s content.

***

The next morning, they woke up still embraced. He smiled at her, and she rose up to him with a kiss. Then she got out of bed and put on a robe, headed for the shower. When she finished, he showered after her and then they both got dressed.

As before, there was to be no chess. They had to do something else.

“I can get tickets to a couple of the plays. We can go to the museum. Whatever you’d like.”

“That sounds good.”

“Okay. By the way, you said no chess, so why were you playing last night?”

“Because that wasn’t studying for chess. We were just having fun. Was it okay? Even if I beat you all again?”

“It wasn’t so bad, since we have to expect it now. So we can play for fun?”

“Just as long as there is no serious chess, okay?”

He nodded, smiling. Beth thought he seemed so wonderful just then and it made her think.

“Benny, you know we don’t do relationships, right?. Because we’re chess players?”

“Yeah. I think that’s true. We both know what it’s going to take to be on top.”

“Is that what you still want?”

He looked down, thinking it through. While he did, they sat down at the table.

“Beth, you know all I want is chess. I want to live it, breath it, sleep it, play it. It’s all I ever wanted.”

“Yeah.”, she said looking worried, “Should I even have come here then, Benny?”

“Are you wanting something more?”

She didn’t answer, just looking confused, “I don’t know......how......”

He looked into her eyes for a time and then answered her.

“Beth.”, he said, “You’re right. All I ever wanted is chess. To be the best. I know I could be. That was my plan, too, you know. To qualify at the Interzonal Tournament, become a candidate, win the candidate matches, then the world championship. Nothing was going to get in my way, not money, not power, not women, nothing...”

“Was?....”

“Well...........something changed. Chess is so all encompassing, you know. All the great games, the tournaments, prizes, acclaim, the respect of being the best, reveling in the beauty and the mystery of that world of sixty-four squares and the thrill of beating the opponent, just like you do. That’s how it is with all of us, right? There’s no room for anything else.”

“Yeah. Harry once told me we’re all prima donnas”

He smirked, chuckling, “He’s right. But you see, for me the definition changed. I was going to be the ultimate computer for playing chess, me, my brain. Nobody could see the game like I can."

"I think you could, too. You do have a unique way of playing."

He smiled, "Thanks. But, as it turns out, it isn’t me. Someone came along with the perfect computer, someone whose brain outshines even mine. I was so angry at first. But then as I got to know you.....”

His eyes shined as he poured out how he felt.

“It’s you, Beth. You see, to me you.....are chess. All of chess. Everything about chess. You are the very definition of it.

“I saw I couldn’t achieve that dream any more. I’ll never be better than second best. But I don’t really care anymore. What I care about is chess itself; its magnificence, its beauty, its perfection, its mystery, the fact that luck cannot influence it in any way, the complexity of it, the brutality of the conflict, the complete and total war it demands. All of it. And you are that, Beth. You are chess, and all I want now is to see chess served the right way. You need to be able to function, to play at your best. The world has to know what you are capable of, because it would be a crime not to show everyone what chess is all about through you. You are really the only one who can do that.”

She was staring at him, wide-eyed and surprised, her mouth shaped like an ‘o’. He paused a second and looked down uncomfortably, but wanted to finish. He looked up.

“I want to be able to do what I can to make sure you achieve that. That’s all I want. I will be here for you as long as you want or need me."

He paused, looking thoughtful.

"But I know you prefer to be alone. So if you can’t trust me, you need to find someone you can. If you want me to go, you’ll never have to see me again.”

She gasped wide-eyed, her mouth open. All she could think of was her father saying, “ _If I go, I’m not coming back._ ”

‘ _Not like him! No!._....’, she thought.

She shook her head strongly, the strain on her face making her go pale, whispering, “No....no.....you can’t go. I.......”

She looked like she was going to break down, and he was startled, taking her into his arms to comfort her. He just held on until she could get hold of herself. She looked so frightened. It took a while for her to settle down.

"Whoa! Beth! What's the matter?"

She was shaking and did not answer right away...

“Please, you can't leave!", she whispered achingly, "Everyone in my life has either left me, abandoned me, or punished me. I can’t take that chance.”

“ Jolene hasn't abandoned you.”

“I know. We are sisters. She’d never hurt me, but she’s leaving too. I don’t blame her. She’s got to go to Atlanta, go for law school. I know that. I know that if I need her, she’ll come, but Atlanta is so far away and I’ll miss her. Alma drunk herself to death. Mr. Shaibel died and I never took the time to go see him and thank him like I should have. My mother......my mother......”

She couldn’t finish, and closed her eyes in pain.

“You think I would do that?”, he asked.

She looked at him desperately, “I don't want you to go. It scares me.”

He gathered back into her his arms, “You have nothing to worry about. I wish I knew how to prove I won't do that."

"I want to believe it.", she whispered, then she'll kissed him deeply.

***

She decided to stay a few more days. They agreed to continue not talking chess, although when they had time alone with nothing else going on, they would study individually, away from each other. Beth found this worked for her. They spent time in bars listening to music, going to other restaurants, walking in Central Park, visiting the zoo, seeing friends, attending concerts and outdoor plays, and just talking. They found out more about each other that way, even more than when she first stayed with him. He was born in upper New York. His parents divorced early. He started playing chess at the age of six. His mother wasn’t happy about him only playing chess. She wanted him to get a ‘real job’ of some sort, so their relationship was somewhat strained. He didn’t see her often. He was nine years older than Beth. She told him about her time at the orphanage, and what little she could remember before that. The second night, when they finished loving, she lay on her back again, her head on his shoulder, his arm draped over her body, and she saw the board and chessmen again. She smiled as she did, playing through games of Lechenko’s she had memorized. He lay there, his head propped up on a pillow just watching her, smiling himself because she looked so happy.

The fourth day, he got a phone call.

“Hello.”

“Benny, this is Ray.”

Pleasantly surprised, he answered,”Hey, Ray! How are you doing?”

“Doing great. Listen, I’ve been trying to get hold of Beth Harmon, but she isn’t answering her phone in Kentucky. I”m a little worried. Do you know if she’s okay?”

Benny laughed, “Yeah, she's okay, Ray. She’s here with me.”

“With you? I thought you two were, uh, taking some time apart.”

“Yeah, we were.”, he replied, “But she dropped by four days ago just to say hello. She’s still here.”

“That’s wonderful, so are you two back together?”

Beth had been staring at him ever since she heard the conversation was about her.

“Uh.....”, he said, noting her response, “Well, we’re still working on that.”

“I see. Well, I’d like to talk to her.”

“Uh, sure.”, he said, putting down the receiver and looking back at her, “It’s Ray. He wants to talk to you.”

He saw her face light up a little as she got up and came over, picking up the receiver.

“Hi, Ray.”, she said softly.

“Hello, Beth. I’m glad to see you’re back in town. Are you and Benny doing well?

She knew what question Benny had answered, “Uh, well, like he said, we’re working on it.”

He chuckled, “Okay. I wanted to let you know I’ve looked through your mother’s medical records. I’ve found out quite a bit. Since you’re already here in New York, would you like to come and discuss them?”

She almost dropped the receiver in shock, “You looked at them already? Yes! Yes, I’d love to. When?”

“I’m free at nine in the morning. Is that okay?”

“It’s fine, just fine. I’ll see you then. Thank you!”

“Okay. I’ll see you then. Bye.”

“Bye!”

She put the receiver back on its cradle as she stared into space, anticipating what she might learn. But then.....

“Oh, God.....”, she moaned as her legs gave out. Benny was right beside her and caught her in his arms before she could hit the floor.

“Beth! What is it? What happened?”

He guided her to one of the chairs and sat down in another one next to it. He held her there as she had this unresponsive glassy-eyed look on her.”

“Beth!”, he repeated, “What happened?”

She finally heard him, blinking at him, and then swallowed hard.

“Um, Dr. Feinstein has been, uh, looking through some medical records for me.”

“Medical records? What records?”

“My mother’s.....from when she was in New York.”

Benny just stared at her, “So, did you take my advice and start seeing Ray?”

She paused a second, then, “Uh, not exactly. Well, yeah, I did talk with him a little bit, so I am thinking about it. I just asked him to read those records because I can’t make anything out of them. I don’t have the knowledge.”

“Why him?”

She looked at him, “You said I could trust him, since he was like us, a grandmaster.”

He nodded in approval, “That’s good, Beth. I’m glad you did that. Do you need to go see him?”

“Tomorrow at nine. But I’m.... .... I'm scared to death of what he found out.”

“I’ll be with you all the time. I’ll drive you there.”

***

Dr. Feinstein got up from his desk as they entered and warmly welcomed them both. He insisted on a game and Beth didn’t mind. She was a little eager to get to what he had found out, but the game was a good momentary distraction. She played Black and went for the Sicilian with the Najdorf variation. He was still a very strong player. She could see it. But she trapped his king and to get out of it, he had to exchange their remaining pieces just before she was going to queen her pawn. He smiled as he got up.

“Wonderful, Beth. I haven’t kept up with the latest lines being played on the Sicilian. I don’t think I’ve seen that one before.”

“I just played it as I saw it.”

He nodded still grinning, “Intuitively. God, I remember when Capablanca did that. Amazing.”

She started to put the pieces back in place, but he said, “No, leave it. I want to look at it later.”

He walked back around to his chair as Beth and Benny sat down in the two chairs facing him.

“How did you go through that whole box in just four days?”, asked Beth in wonder.

“Once I was able to divide up the records into certain sections, inpatient, outpatient, H&P’s, discharge summaries, procedures, x-rays and so forth, it became fairly easy. So as to what I’ve found....”

He glanced at Benny for a second. He got the hint.

Benny interrupted, “Beth, do you want me to go outside for this?”

She hadn’t even thought about that. She looked at him, unsure, but then, “No. It’s all right. Please stay. You were saying, Ray?”

Ray nodded and continued.

“You were born in the hospital there in November 1949, just before the private university there sold it to the state of New York and it became SUNY Upstate. Your mother’s OB records were pretty thin, It appeared that she had a normal pregnancy and that you were delivered normally without any complications. But it was after that she started having really severe problems.

He hesitated at this point, and Beth started getting anxious.

“There is something you need to know. I have an original copy of your birth certificate.”

He pulled out a sheet of paper from his desk and handed it to her. She looked at it and it was the same birth certificate as she had in her purse. She could not see any difference at first until she looked at her father’s name.

It said Paul Stanfield, not Paul Harmon.

She stared wide-eyed then dug her copy out of her purse, comparing the two. On her copy, the one that her mother had, she looked closely, and saw the faint outlines of a rectangle around the ‘Harmon’ on her father’s name.

“She faked it.”, she whispered, her eyes tearing up, “I can see where she pasted a piece of paper over his last name with ‘Harmon’ on it. So is my name Stanfield?”

“No, Beth. Then your mother’s name would have been Stanfield too. You’re illegitimate.”

She was stunned, breathing shallow. Benny reached over and held her hand, trying to support her as much as he could.

“No! She said she was married! Why....?”

“It looks like she was not married, I’m afraid. As to your copy, illegitimacy was still frowned upon greatly then. It still is, although it’s not quite so bad these days. But if it had been known, it would hurt her in trying to get work. It could even be used to take you away from her. She probably altered the birth certificate to hide that fact. It may be she told you she was married so you didn’t accidentally tell other people she wasn’t. She may simply have believed it herself."

“She kept telling me they were married. She told me that. She told me my father died.”

Dr. Feinstein nodded in sympathy with her, “That may be tied in with her psychiatric problems.”

She looked back at him, “What do you mean?”

“Remember when I told you she was diagnosed with manic-depressive disorder with schizophrenic tendencies? She was diagnosed there. The records indicate that your mother did not start to suffer symptoms until after your birth. She was on the Faculty at Cornell, teaching mathematics when she became pregnant. From what I could discern, she had to resign before she started to show, and so she left teaching. She certainly kept the pregnancy well hidden. I’m sure you can see the university would never have allowed an unmarried pregnant woman to continue in that position. She continued to live in Ithica. I’m not sure how, or by what financial means though. After you were born, she suffered a severe postpartum depression that later developed manic episodes, about six months after the initial diagnosis. The records show she definitely suffered from severe delusions. According to the notes here, she was completely convinced she was married to your father. When she was put on lithium, this seemed to work pretty good to calm her down and minimize the delusions, though not all of them. They were able to keep her condition controlled for about a year until....”

A dark look came to his face, one of anger.

“Until what?”

“I hate when mistakes like this are made. It appears that some near eyed pharmacist, or maybe he was drunk, I don’t know, made a mistake in filling her prescription one time. Instead of ‘lithium’, he gave her ‘librium’."

Beth was stunned speechless. Ray went on.

“By the time the mistake was discovered, she had been on them for two months. When they tried to get the right medicine prescribed for her, she refused. She demanded the librium and wouldn’t take anything else. You know how addictive it is. Remember, I said this medicine is entirely wrong for treating her condition. Her moods started to swing again, so it became difficult to monitor her and get her to comply. They threatened to commit her, but offered another treatment called ECT to avoid it."

“ECT?”

“Electro-convulsive therapy. This is where they shock the patient across the temples for a fraction of a second with a bolt of electricity. It knocks the patient out and causes a short seizure. When they come to, their depressive symptoms are supposed to get better.”

“You mean they electrocuted her?”, she asked with a look of horror on her face.

“Essentially, yes. She got about twenty treatments. To say the least, I’m not a fan of this treatment. I haven’t seen any proof it works, and I think it may actually do harm. But I’m only a psychologist.”

“But why?”

“The main reason is because she attempted suicide twice, once with pills, the other time by slitting her wrists. Both times, she had to be hospitalized. You were put in foster care until she was well enough to get out and come get you. She was started back on the lithium in the hospital, but once she was out, she stopped and went back to taking Librium."

Beth couldn’t move, shocked as she was. She remembered the scars on her mother’s wrists, heavily built up skin in linear lines going up and down the inside of her forearms. Before, she had no idea how she got them.

Dr. Feinstein continued, “She did not improve and continued to demand the librium. Finally, they refused to give her any more. They again threatened to commit her if she didn’t comply. She disappeared shortly after that, and was never seen again.”

Beth was in shock. It was like some fiction novel, something that could not be true. She sat there, breathing hard. Benny was worried about her reaction, kneeling down to the floor near her, holding her hand with both of his. He looked deeply into her eyes.

“Beth.........Beth, are you all right/”

Her mouth was dry, and she licked her lips before swallowing. She looked at him and nodded faintly.

“I’ll be okay. Benny. I’ll be okay”, she whispered, “It’s just.......God.......”

“I’m sorry, Beth.”, Dr. Feinstein said, “I know this is a hard blow, but there was no way for me to break it to you gently.”

“I understand, Ray.”, she said finally, “Thank you. It is better this way. She was still so sick all that time after she went back to Kentucky?”

“I’m afraid so. That was about six years or so before she died?”

She nodded, “Yes. I think so. So she was delusional about being married to my father? Did the psychiatrists know this?”

“They couldn't find him since she gave them her name as his last name. She refused to tell them anything more about him. Apparently, he was never seen at her home, so it's actually unclear if he really lived there. But the records were pretty clear she was not married, and she persisted in the delusion that she was. There were times she admitted she wasn’t, but it never lasted.”

“She never talked to me about him, except he was dead and we were better off. So, it is possible she was wrong about him being dead?”

Dr. Feinstein shrugged, “Quite possible. With schizophrenic tendencies, she could suffer from delusional states and paranoia, and she might have had the delusion that he was dead and believed it. Her paranoia was the most likely reason she kept away from everybody. It’s probably why she was always talking to you the way you described her. She was fearful someone would find her, commit her, and then take you away.”

“When I went to the trailer, the bedroom walls were covered with all sorts of mathematical equations, written in black ink or paint. They made no sense.”

He nodded thoughtfully, “That would support the schizophrenic tendencies, although to be fair I can only speculate as I never met your mother.”

“And my father? Is he really alive?”

He shrugged again, “I don’t know. It’s possible.”

“Is.......is there anything else?”

He shook his head, “I think that’s all there is that I could determine was truly important to tell you. If something else comes up, I'll let you know."

She took one more deep breath and stood, Benny rising with her. Dr. Feinstein came around the desk and reached out. She readily accepted a hug from him.

“I’m sorry, Beth. I wish it was better news.”

“Thank you. You have no idea how much I wanted....needed to know. I had wondered all my life why my mother did the things she did.”

“Are you going to be okay?”

She nodded, “I just need to think about it, figure out what I’m going to do with this knowledge, and..........Benny is with me.”

“Of course, dear.”, he said, “Now, I’m afraid I will have other appointments soon. But you know I’m always here to talk if you want.”

“Sure.”, she said feeling more content, “Thank you, again.”

He just chuckled with a big grin and nodded.

She gathered her purse, and smiled. Then she walked out with Benny right behind her.

As they drove back, She sat in silence mentally digesting everything she had learned.

“How are you doing.”, he asked.

“I’ll be okay, Benny. I’ll be okay.”

“You sure?”

She nodded without speaking as her face tightened into a tense mask of anger, her eyes tearing up again as she tried to keep from crying.

“What are you thinking?”

She didn’t answer immediately.

“I was wondering. If my father is alive,”, she finally said, “ _Why did he leave me in Methuen?_ ”

***

Beth packed up and Benny drove her to the airport. They both felt it was a good visit. It was short. It didn’t involve chess. It was a good break. Yes, they had sex, and it was wonderful. But they weren’t doing chess together either. It worked out really well. Now it was time to get back to work.

He wanted her, begged for her to stay, but she didn’t want to push it. She had to get back to doing chess. He kissed her goodbye and said he’d call after she landed. Once she got home, she unpacked, put up her new clothes, taking care of the nylons she bought. They were not that cheap and easily damaged.

She got back into her routine, sinking herself into her study of games and theory. Alone, she was able to do it. Yes, she missed Benny. She missed Jolene too. Thankfully, they both still called regularly. She still would have lunch with Townes once or twice a month. The boys also came by at times, and they would play skittles or blitz. It gave her a good break from the monotony of her work. She did finally go over all the games from the Moscow Invitational with them. The summer passed uneventfully and the autumn colors came and went. Before she knew it, it was time for her to go to the interzonal tournament at Palma.


	7. Chapter 7

The plane arrived at Son Sant Joan Airport after a thirteen hour trip. All the players would be staying in the venue for the tournament, the King Jaime I hotel. It was an elegant building which was hundreds of years old. She was given a suite of rooms as good as what she had in Moscow, and she unpacked her things and put them away before going downstairs. There was no activity until the next morning so she ate in the hotel restaurant. The food was excellent and she was particularly interested in the seafood dishes. She had picked up a small guide book on the island while she was in New York. She looked through it while she was eating dinner.

There were some interesting places to see. The most attractive was the massive Santa Maria Cathedral, also called La Seu. Another attraction was the Royal Palace of La Almudiana. There were other things which all the contestants would have time to see or do. The tournament was scheduled over a long period of time. Twenty-four contestants. Twenty three matches. A game played every day with a break in the middle. She would be on the island almost a month.

Back upstairs in her room, she got ready for bed. Games started at 10AM, but they had official registration continuing at 8AM for late comers to get everyone situated and the playing schedule publically posted. There always seemed to be some sort of infighting and objections from some players about various things, and those had to be resolved too. A schedule had been printed out and Beth had received hers on check-in to the hotel. She slept well, and she felt good and ready the next morning.

She wore the solid dark green dress with her nylons and simple black pumps with low heels the next morning and looked for her assignment. The matches were played in a large room where twelve chessboards were lined up on separate tables. Each table had the names of each player with their country of origin and flags printed in neat letters on a small placard which was posted on the front of the table. Behind the tables were the display boards on which each referee would post the moves of the players. She was assigned to board twelve. She thought they might do that as she was among the lower rated players in the tournament. Her first game was with the black pieces against a Grandmaster from Mongolia. She was amused the country even had one. His rating was 2545, but she mopped him up in thirty moves with a classic Sicilian Defense, open variation. It surprised her that he didn’t seem to know the opening that well.

That night she took out her books and studied up on her next opponent, the first Russian she would meet, named Andreyev. He was a rated FIDE grandmaster, but was still a notch below Gorbov and Luchenko from what she could see. Benny also warned her he was a rabid communist and had a prejudice against Americans in general, and against American chess players especially. The fact she was female only made it worse. Benny had been careful to do bio’s on all her opponents and warned her to be careful of certain ones, like this guy.

The next day she took a tour of Le Sou before her game. It was interesting and the air and scenery were dazzling. There was a wonderful ambience to the island that made it so attractive, and Beth could understand why Palma was such a coveted vacation spot.

She arrived at the board early and waited. Andreyev came on time with the other players filing into the room with him. They were assigned to board nine. He came up and eyed her without smiling and stiffly held out his hand. She shook it, smiling as she always did, and he sat down. She had the white pieces. The referees started the clocks. She considered her first move, not wishing to seem too predictable, and she played P-QB4, the English opening. The Russian responded with P-K3, then smirked with a very quiet chuckle to himself, but Beth heard it. She looked up momentarily at him, then back at the pieces. ‘ _Okay..._ ’, she thought, ‘ _If that’s the way he wants it.._.”

She played N-QB3. He followed with P-Q4, as she also did, and it transformed into a Queen’s Gambit declined. The game then played out along traditional lines. On the seventh move, he moved the queen bishop to QB3. The standard moves here were either PxP, N-K5, or P-QN3, but she considered the position for about twenty minutes, and castled queen side. His brows lifted slightly and he looked at her a second. This was not one of the standard lines, and she was sacrificing a pawn. She would have no way to advance on the queen side. He could see no down side and took the pawn. She replied with N-KN5. Andreyev saw she was now thinking of a king side attack, and there was a certain amount of risk there like advancing the rook pawn on that side, but it looked manageable. He continued to press his queen side advantage with N-QB3, intending to go to QN5 and harassing her queen. She played P-QR3 to stop that. He looked back at the king side. The threat of her pushing the rook pawn there still needed to be countered, and he pushed P-KN3 for this. She pushed P-KR4 anyway. He considered advancing the king knight to Q5 to take out her queen knight and make his queen side attack easier, but he saw that it had to stay where it was to guard the king rook pawn, otherwise she could sacrifice her knight and then be able to open up the file to her rook. Though possibly playable, it was too risky. He played B-Q3 to exchange the dark square bishops. She moved the king knight pawn up to further protect hers. If Black wanted to exchange, he would do it on her terms. His queen went to K2, connecting his rooks, aiming at the queen rook pawn. She ignored it and pushed P-KR5. He sat up and started to look closer at the position. She was completely ignoring his queen side attack. He couldn’t capture the rook pawn with his pawn as her knight would be sacrificed to bring the queen directly to KR2. The only good way to counter it was attack the center. He pushed P-K4, essentially trapping her bishop. She would be down a piece and that would be the end.

She still ignored it. She captured the knight pawn with her rook pawn. He recaptured with his rook pawn, and the rook file was now open. She then moved the light square bishop to KN2, attacking his undefended knight. It was pinned to his rook and QR1. He took the dark square bishop with his pawn. She took the knight with her other bishop, attacking his rook. He intended to move the rook out of harm’s way, but then he saw what she intended. If he moved the rook, she would recapture the pawn on KB4 with her own, advance it to KB5, and then advance the queen knight to Q5, forking his queen and king knight. That would force his king knight to capture it, and KR2 would no longer have its defender. She would sweep in with her rook directly on his king, and follow with a devastating attack, leading to mate in nine moves.

His breathing became shallow, completely taken by surprise. He scoured the position for thirty minutes before finally deciding he could not save the rook. He took her king knight pawn on KN6. If she took the rook, he would then continue taking the pawn on KB7, a threat she would have to do something about.

She didn’t. She moved her king to QN1. Seeing a chance, he saved the queen rook, moving it to Q1. She advanced the king bishop pawn to KB4. He saw now the reason for the king move. If he captured the now undefended king pawn, her king would not be checked, and he would not get tempo. The next moves saw him repositioning his pieces to stop her attack. He moved B-KB1, then followed by B-QB1, her queen rook to K1 to defend the king pawn, then K-KN2, looking to move his rook back to KR1 and challenge her rook, but then she moved N-Q5. Beth looked up momentarily. He was looking rather distressed, and he was sweating.

He had no choice now. He captured her queen knight with his king knight. The file was undefended now and she attacked with her rook to KR7, checking his king. He retreated to KN1, and she captured the king bishop pawn. It was a sacrifice, which he could capture with his rook, but then her queen would sweep in taking the pawn at KN6, and checking him again. Beth knew there actually was a way he could possibly equalize the position, if he sacrificed his knight on her QB3 and attacking her queen. However, if he played it she was sure she could still come out ahead in the end. But he didn’t see it.

He captured the rook with his own. Her queen captured his pawn on KN6, checking his king. This was followed by his K-KB1, then Q-KR6 check. The rook had to block on KN2. She took his remaining knight with her bishop at Q5. He tried to escape to Q1. Her queen went to KR5 and checked him again. K-Q2 followed, then Q-KR3 check, then her bishop went to K6, again checking. 

Andreyev grew pale. He only had one good move, but it was pushing his king away from protection. Yes, he could sacrifice his queen for the bishop and knight, and he would actually still be be up in material, three pieces for the queen, but his defense was shattered, his king was exposed, his pieces uselessly bottled up on the queen side. Beth thought they would be on a more equal basis and he might be able to draw if he moved the king back, but instead he moved it to his QB3.

She heard him mumbling under his breath very quietly to himself, actually cursing her in Russian, and not knowing she heard him and understood. She looked at him then for some time with a steely eyed glare. He kept studying the board, frowning and not noticing her. She took a breath and looked at the position, and said one word very quietly as if she was just muttering to herself as well. But she meant him to hear it.

Speaking Russian, she said, “ _Thirteen._ ”

He suddenly looked up at her. She stared him back down. He looked back at the board, then back at her. He looked a second time at the board for a minute as his face kept getting redder. Finally, he looked at her again with look of pure hatred he could not conceal and abruptly got up from the table and left, spilling pieces off the board. He finally had seen it, the forced checkmate in thirteen moves. Beth calmly completed her record sheet and gave it to the referee. He said nothing, but did have a smile of satisfaction on his lips and a knowing look as he replaced the pieces on the board. Apparently, he approved. She smiled back and went up to her room.

***

That evening there was a dinner and reception held for the contestants in the main ballroom. She did not feel like attending as she didn’t really know anybody, but she didn’t want to just sit in her room either. The alcohol was a little too enticing. She wore a subdued little black dress and her black pumps, accenting it with marcasite earrings and matching silver necklace bearing a beautiful sapphire, smaller versions of the gems in the earrings. Normally, she didn't wear jewelry, but she could afford it now, and with the dress the jewelry synchronized beautifully with the color of her hair. She made some small talk with a few of the other contestants, nibbled at the our d’oerves, and generally just studied them from a distance. The Russians tended to congregate with each other mostly, but did occasionally reach out and talk to others. She did note Andreyev had not come.

“You look beautiful, my dear.”

Surprised, she turned to find Dmitri Luchenko smiling at her, a man accompanying close by. She figured him to be KGB.

“Sir!”, she exclaimed softly, “I’m so glad...’

“Dmitri.”, he said, interrupting, “Please, call me Dmitri.”

She smiled and held her hand out. He took it and this time he did raise and softly kiss it.

“Of, course, Dmitri.”, she said with pleasure, “I am so glad to see you. I heard you were here as coach.”

He nodded with a broad smile of his own. He kept hold of her hand, tucking it under his arm, and guided her gently around the room, heading for the balcony.

“Let us walk, Liza. How have you been doing?”

“I’ve been doing well. And you?”

“Well enough for my age. I almost wish I could play with the rest of you young people.”

She laughed softly, “You’d still beat us all.”

“Maybe,”, he said with a chuckle of his own, “But not for twenty-three games, and likely not against you. You have gotten even better since we played."

She stopped just as they reached the balcony and faced him.

“Dimitri, it was an honor.”, she said lovingly, “I would love to play you again. I......I would have liked to study with you as a mentor.”

“If I could, I would be honored to be so.”, he replied.

She looked back at the KGB agent for a second, wondering if she should be talking like this. He had her hand under his arm and he gently patted it.

“It's all right. Sergei and I have an understanding. And he is a fan of yours, like many of my countrymen.”

She looked back at the agent again, who simply bowed his head with a smile. Of course, he understood English.

“Thank you, Dmitri.”, she responded, feeling more relaxed. They continued to walk around the balcony.

“You showed up young Andrei rather hard today.”

She tensed a little.

“Don’t worry, my dear.”, he said grinning, “He had it coming. Quite talented, that one, but he’s a fool and a misogynist. He doesn’t believe women can play chess as well as men. I was counting on you showing him the errors of his ways.”

“I’m glad I could be of service.”

“If I understand the rumors, you broke the rules a little, whispering to him.”

“He started it.”

“I know, which is why there was no complaint. I made sure of that. But you said one word..... thirteen?”

She nodded.

He laughed huskily, “So sublime, my dear. It was _magnificent_.”

She smiled and laughed softly with him as they strolled slowly.

“But how about you. Are you staying healthy?”

She paused a second, knowing what he was asking. She didn’t know how he knew, but she wasn’t surprised.

“I am doing well. I don’t require any........medication.”

“Or alcohol?”

She shook her head, “No.”

“Good.”, he remarked, “I apologize for asking, but you are dear to me. Our passion has claimed so many lives in that manner. I do not wish to see yours among them. Many of the players here would welcome that. I certainly do not. Those who get lost in that direction are rarely able to continue to play.”

“I know, Dmitri.” she said soberly, “It’s been a struggle, I admit. Thank you for caring.”

“So is your second working well with you?”

She looked back at him, “You mean Benny?”

“Yes, your Mr. Watts. He is talented player in his own right. He is helping you, yes?”

“He is.”

“He should come and play more. He is nearly as good as you.”

“I’ve been trying to convince him of that, but he feels it is more important to concentrate on my pay for now.”

“Then he may be showing wisdom. A good man. He did not come with you?”

She smiled, “No. I have to concentrate on the tournament. He would.....distract me.”

He nodded, laughing in amusement, “I understand, but I hope you do convince him to keep competing. The two of you make a formidable team for your country. But make no mistake, my dear. You know we are no longer ignorant of your prowess. Andrei just refused to believe it, despite clear evidence of your performance in Moscow. The rest of us are not so dense.”

“I know.”

“We will, of course, do everything we can to defeat you.”

She paused a second before answering, then....

“ _I would expect nothing less, grandfather. This is chess after all._ ”, she said in Russian, using the affectionate form of respect of an elder.

They had stopped at the entry back into the ballroom. He turned and smiled again, holding her hands in his.

“ _Your Russian is getting better. You still need to work on your accent_.”

“ _I know. I’m very grateful_.”

He saw how heartfelt she was. He gently raised her hands and kissed them again.

“ _Dasvidaniya, Liza._ ”

  
He bowed again and then left for the doors, Sergei at his side.

She felt wonderful, glad for the opportunity to speak with him. She wasn’t hungry so she did not attend the dinner afterward. She only ordered a light repast later once she got back up to her room. Then she set to work on her next opponent.

The tournament continued and soon was wearing down the players. She understood better now why they scheduled only one game a day. She kept her focus sharp for the first half of the tournament, able to calculate the best opening each time, and this proved very effective. She often saw Dmitri on the ballroom floor during playing hours, and they smiled to each other, but did not talk. She did note that he was following her games with interest, but then probably so were all of the Soviets. 

She drew games against the number two and number three Russians who assisted Borgov in Mexico City, Lebedev and Federov, as well as Laev, one of the Danish grandmasters, and surprisingly Duhamel. She kicked herself mentally as she should have won that one, but she had not gotten much rest the night before and was too tired, so she missed the winning combination that would have secured the win. But she had no losses. She did note that the Russian players toward the end of the tournament seemed to be less tired, but then also noted that many of them would play to very short draws when they played each other, essentially avoiding losses and conserving their strength for the matches they played against other countries. It was grueling for her too, and she wished Benny had come after all. She continued to have problems sleeping, waking up exhausted. The evening after the thirteenth game, she kept staring at her makeup case, and this time she went to it and pulled out the bottle. She only needed one, just one. Then after the tournament she would stop. She swallowed the pill. By the end of the tournament, she was still only taking one, but also had worked up to draining one good sized glass of red wine with it. Normally, once she had one drink, she couldn’t stop. It was hard, but she managed to stop at just the one glass. She lay down and started seeing the board on the ceiling, which made things so much easier. She won every single adjourned game she had.

At the end, she had sixteen wins and seven draws, enough to take first place leading by two points over the next highest competitor, Lebedev. It was an incredible performance. Toward the end of the tournament, it was just like Kentucky. Any time she walked into a room everyone was looking at her, whispering to each other about her. Her competitors especially would fall silent and simply stare for a time before turning their attention back to whatever they were doing before. Over the last week when it became clear she could win the tournament, the press began to hound her. The hotel helped with that, restricting them so they could not approach her unless she allowed it, which she didn’t. She had generated so much attention the American Embassy sent another representative to chaperone her throughout her last few games.

He convinced her she would need to give at least one interview to the press or she would likely be run over by them before she could leave the island. She grudgingly agreed and a formal interview was set up in the ballroom after the tournament. It went on for an hour and a half as she answered their questions. It was pretty much the same as in the past, for which her stock answers were given by rote. The only different question was if she intended to enter the Candidates Tournament. She replied she had not made a decision yet, and was seriously considering her options.

Before she left, _Chess Review_ had flown a photographer and journalist out to the island, and she did allow them to see her in her room for a short interview and picture taking. The plane trips back were long, but she managed to sleep on them. Once back in the US, she had to wait at the airport until the authorities could clear out the chaos of news vans around her house. When she got home, she changed her clothes, got a shower and then re-packed. It was obvious she wouldn’t be able to stay there. The state police volunteered to take her to a hotel, but she said it would be better if they took her to Louisville. Jolene would put her up for a while.

She called first and explained the situation to Jolene, who told her to come on down. The state police delivered her to her house in Louisville, kind enough to carry her bags to the front door. Beth was impressed as she looked inside around the house, which was well appointed and clean. She still had the ‘65 corvette out front too.

“This is yours?”, she asked Jolene in wonder.

“Sort of....Rick pays the mortgage. I even have a maid come in and clean. Can you believe that?”

“Cool. So he still wants to marry you?”

“Hmmm-hmmmm. But his wife is proving to be quite the obstacle.”

“After all this time? How long has it been?”

“Going on a couple years now.”

“Sounds like he’s trying to to have both of you at the same time.”

“You mean have his cake and eat it, too? You could say that, but the longer she delays it, the better. He thinks I love him so much that I can’t live without him, so I’ll do whatever he say.”

“Really?”

“That what he think. Truth is I don’t care. I’ll stay here as long as he’s willing to pay for it and it’s convenient for me. If his wife finds out, or he dumps me, I’ve made other arrangements. I move easy, and I'm keeping the car.”

Beth smirked, “Well, you know you can come live with me if you need to.”

“I know. But I just got into law school at John Marshall in Atlanta. I’ll be leaving soon anyway.

Beth looked at her anxiously.

“Don’t worry,”, assured Jolene, “I’m just a phone call away. And I’ll come if I have to.”

Beth smiled, “I know. Will Rick come over while I’m here?”

“Not for awhile. He and the missus are in Europe with the kids on a month long vacation. 

“Hmmm. Convenient. I’ll go and clean up.”

“Just as long as no nosy reporter come around on my doorstep!”, Jolene yelled after her as she disappeared into the bathroom.

***

“It’s only going to get worse.”, said Benny, “Now you know why I live where I live.”

“You live where you live because that’s all you’re willing to afford.”

“That’s beside the point. It’s still a good place for you to hide out from those news jackals.”

“I’ll think about it. But I’m good where I am for now.”

“Fine.”, he said, sounding annoyed, “Have you been called about the pairings for the tournament?”

“Not yet. But the Federation has suddenly become a lot more willing to help me now that I’m a Candidate, so they’re working to find out what the draw is.”

“As soon as you find out, let me know. I’m your second, okay? Let me do the negotiating.”

“Benny....”

“Beth, I know what I”m doing here. This stuff is not your forte. Let me help you.”

She rolled her eyes, not that anyone would see her, “Okay, okay. I’ll let you know.”

“Good. You’re still clean, right? You were able to stay clean at the tournament?”

She froze momentarily, but answered quickly enough, sounding irritated as if she wasn’t lying,

“Benny, you don’t need to be asking that.”

“I want to be sure. You know I’m going to be a pain the ass on this. So get used to it.”

She huffed an irritated breath out, “Yeah, yeah, okay. I’m clean. No booze, no pills.”

“Good. I’ll call tomorrow then. You know how to reach me if you need to.”

“Yes, Benny. Have a good night. Talk to your tomorrow.”

“Okay. Bye.”

“Bye.”

She hung up the phone, feeling bad. She didn't want to lie to him. She had to call to give him Jolene’s number, though. Jolene said she could, but only if there were no reversed charges on phone calls. Beth said she’d pay her back for it if it was needed. She planned to stay with Jolene about a couple of weeks, then try and sneak home when all the hubbub had died down. She still had her trove of books and magazines, so she kept herself busy. Jolene worked during the day and came home at night. Beth would often cook, or Jolene would bring back take out. Every two or three days, they’d go to the racquetball courts and play for a couple of hours. The rest of the time, Beth would continue to study as Jolene kept busy with chores, going to class, or her own studies.

Beth was up to two pills a night. She had to make arrangements with her source in Mexico to ship more to her. It was illegal, but it was so easy to get such small bottles to her through the Post Office. Beth always made sure to check the mail before Jolene got home. She tried to quit, but after two days, she couldn’t stand it. So she started again and tried to limit it just one pill a night, but couldn’t. Two was what she needed to clear her anxiety out and help her sleep. She had at least stopped the alcohol, not that she would be able to sneak any past Jolene anyway. The only good thing was that taking only two pills at night was a small enough dose that she was clear headed again by morning.

Just before she was due to head back to Lexington, she received word on the parings for the candidates tournament. Besides herself, the list was heavily populated by the Russians which included Lebedev, Federov, Laev, the Danish Grandmaster Rasmussen, Duhamel, a German grandmaster named Bauer whom she beat at Palma when he tried a Nimzo-Indian attack against her, and surprisingly Andreyev, who managed to outscore Shapkin.

Then she looked at the pairings and noted that each Russian in the first round was paired against a non-Russian, and her first opponent was Andreyev. The Russians could not have made it more advantageous to themselves. To add insult to injury, they were giving Andreyev a chance for revenge. ‘How did they manage to do that?’, she wondered.

***

“That’s the Russian machine for you. They always stack the odds in their favor because of their pull in FIDE.”, Benny said when she called him with the draw.

“I don’t see a problem.”, replied Beth, “I can beat him.”

“I know.”, he said, “But we’ll need a neutral venue where they can’t take advantage. They’re going to want to do it in Russia to give them a home court edge.”

“I was pretty well accepted there when I played. The ‘home court’ edge isn’t going to be as big as they think, if it’s even there.”

“Oh, it’ll be there. It’s not the people. It’s their chess federation. So let me handle the negotiations.”

“I know, I know.”, she said, mildly irritated, “But I don’t mind playing in Russia.”

“Only as a last resort.”

“Okay.”

“You’re doing well? Not getting hounded too much by reporters?”

“They don’t know where I am. Besides, Jolene would kick me out on my butt if they ever came here.”

Benny chuckled, “Nah. From how you describe her, she’s more likely to take a baseball bat to any of them that try it.”

She smiled as he laughed, saying, “Well, yeah, she might.”

“No pills, right?”

She mentally wanted to hit him.

“No, Benny. You are getting annoying, you know.”

“That’s my job.”

“I may fire you.”

“And who else is going to do it?”

She frowned, pulling her mouth to one side, but didn’t answer.

“I’ll take that as ‘nobody’.”, he added, “Okay, I gotta go play poker, get some money.”

“I thought you had that job at _Chess Review_ for that.”

“I do. This is for fun. I’ll call you tomorrow. Bye.”

“Bye.”

She hung up the phone, pleased with the call. Yes, she was still taking two pills a night. It let her sleep, and she could see the board, too. She kept thinking back though. Twice, she was able to do it without any substances, nothing, and it was different. It was better. Why could she do it only at those times? Then she realized. It was when she played for the championship in Moscow. The other time It was when she just had sex, really good sex, with Benny.

' _So why can't I concentrate when I'm with him out of bed?!_ ', she thought in exasperation.

What she knew right now though was she couldn’t do it without the pills. She closed her eyes and wished she could find a way to get back to that. Before, when she really wanted to stop taking the pills, it was rough for a few days, but she could do it. But that was in the past. She couldn’t do it any more.

***

Beth informed the Federation of Benny being her second and asked to let him negotiate on her behalf with the Russians. Over the next few weeks, this was accomplished. Andreyev, of course, suggested Russia. Benny wanted New York City. They settled for Paris. The terms of the match, where it was to be held (the same place as the Paris Invitational where she played Borgov the second time), the times of the matches, the type of chessboard and chessmen, and even the decor of the room were touched on during the negotiations. 

After two weeks at Jolene’s, she was able to go back to her house surreptitiously. She obtained a copy of Andreyev's games from Morris’ bookstore (still dealing with that woman who knew nothing), and concentrated on them, playing through them, getting a feel for his thinking. Benny was a genius in that piece of strategy, in feeling the game of another player this way. She could see that he was indeed quite talented, but inconsistent. He had brilliant flashes of insight in his attacks using sacrifices expediently to get the positional advantage he sought. But then there were the times he seemed to just turn off and play like a leaden amateur. It was amazing how he possessed both extremes of the spectrum. But she knew now what she had to do to beat him.

As she worked, she would occasionally gaze at her mother’s black book and bottle of pills. She had gotten her answer.......partially. She was uneasy about going further, but one day she made up her mind to do more about it. She sent a letter to Cornell University asking them about her mother and Paul Stanfield. About a week later, she received an answer. Her mother had worked there from 1941 until early 1949, when she resigned her position to go on ‘sabbatical’. Her father worked there until 1951 when he went to New York for another teaching position there. The letter didn’t say where. She tucked it away into her night stand, along with the other papers she had for this. It didn’t give her much to go on. He died when she was seven or eight so that was what, 1956 or 1957? He had taught in New York for about six years or so then before he died.......if he died.

The match was set for early March 1971. Benny flew in with her and they were set up in separate rooms, which Benny did not like, but she was insistent. She needed to keep her concentration intact. The other guys were back home waiting by the phone in Benny’s apartment, where he let them stay. The games would be posted each day in the Times, so they would be able to analyze them. They also would be able to help if a game was adjourned. When the two contestants finally met in a pre-match meeting to finalize details, this was the first time she had seen him since Palma.

He was reserved, but polite. He came up and offered his hand, which she accepted and shook.

He said in a think accent, “Elizeveta Pavlovna, I wish to offer apologies for my behavior at Palma de Majorca. I hope you will accept them.”

Beth’s eyebrows went up slightly. So he knew her father’s name, enough to be formal, standard etiquette in Russian society. It was a bit unusual, since technically she was not Russian and therefore didn’t really use a patronymic second name, but it was an action done in respect. She accepted it as such. Luckily, she knew his full name too.

“Andrei Ivanovich. I am pleased to accept them.”

He smiled a bit, seemingly satisfied she knew the proper conventions.

“Thank you. It was rude and demeaning. No woman should be treated so.”

“That is gracious of you to say so. I hope that we will be able to compete in a light of mutual respect.”

He hesitated, “Of course......Are you well rested for the games? It is a lengthy trial to endure. Is it not?”

Was he still putting her down because she was a woman?

She smiled serenely.

“ _Yes, matches can be very strenuous, but I’m sure you will be able to last the entire match._ ”, she said in perfect Russian.

He looked at her in surprise, probably more because of her Russian than the fact she turned the subtle insult back on him, or it might be he now realized she understood him when he muttered curses at her the first time they met. When she spoke, every other person in the room also stopped and looked at her. Andreyev just blinked a couple of times.

 _"I._......", he stuttered, " _I did not know. You speak Russian very well_."

" _Thank you. T_ o _understand one's adversaries, one should learn their language. Wouldn't you agree?_ "

He could only stare at her. He then nodded and bowed slightly before turning and walking away, the interrupted discussions in the room slowly resuming.

Benny came over and whispered, “When did you get so damn good at the language?”

“Because I’ve been taking courses, studying, and practicing!”, she softly whispered back, “It’s part of chess, you know. I’ve finished the first two semesters at college and am into the second year. The tutor grew up in Russia and is pretty good. He’s been working with me on my accent.”

“ I can tell. You wouldn’t pass for native, but it’s damn good. Levertov is going to faint when he hears you. God knows, it’s better than mine.”

“I know.”, she said playfully with a knowing smile.

He just grinned at her, saying, “Smartass!”, walking away just shaking his head.

She laughed quietly to herself as she sat down. Both candidates had to be here as there might be issues only they could decide. But it was soon over and all was ready to begin tomorrow morning. Benny and Beth had dinner in the hotel restaurant, going over last minute details and strategy, then went to their rooms. She made ready to go to bed.

She remembered how Alma told her that sometimes, it was better to let things rest and relax instead of constantly studying right up until the games were played. So she put away the board and books and just rested, or at least tried. It wasn’t working. She went to the bathroom and got out her bottle, then took another two pills. This time she didn’t try to conjure the ceiling board, instead going directly to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

The match was started on time and in the presence of a good sized audience, larger then the last time she was here in Paris. Andreyev and Beth both walked up to the board, shook hands and sat down. As in all the Candidate matches, it was played to the best of ten games, played a game a day. Beth had drawn the white pieces. She started with a Ruy Lopez, and Andreyev responded with his king knight to KB3, the Berlin Defense. Beth castled and Andreyev went for the Rio Gambit, taking the king pawn. This was met with R-K1. Beth took his king pawn with her knight. He moved B-K2 and she retreated her bishop back to KB1. He captured the king knight and she took his with her rook. He castled. She played P-Q4, then his queen bishop went to K3, and she retreated the rook back to K1.

So far, nothing out of the ordinary. It was a standard position in the middle game for this variation. He played his knight to KB4 attacking her pawn. Beth reached out to move, but then stopped. She sat back and looked at the board, closed her eyes for a second, then opened them and slowly raised them to the ceiling.

Benny became excited. ‘ _Damn! She’s doing it!_ ’ he thought, watching her closely.

She stayed that way for fifteen minutes. The crowd was mumbling to themselves. Andreyev looked unhappy, wondering what she was looking at, what she was doing. Everyone watched her, seemingly frozen in position, before she lowered her gaze to the board and moved P-Q5. Andreyev frowned on the move and sat up, studying it. Beth could tell he hadn’t seen this move before. She had. He decided to exchange rooks, moving his to K1. Beth took it and he recaptured with his queen, exposing his knight to attack. Her queen moved to Q3. P-Q3 allowed his bishop to deploy. This was followed by N-Q2 and he moved B-KN5, looking to exchange dark square bishops. Her knight went to KB3 and Andreyev exchanged the bishops, Beth recapturing with the queen rook. He moved B-Q2. Her rook went to K1, attacking his queen, which was moved back to Q1. Then she moved Q-QB4. Her pieces were all active, or would be in one move. But Black had few good moves to consider.

Andreyev saw this, and wondered how he ever let her get this far. If he moved P-QB5, she would gang up on the queen pawn and take it. The pawn’s defender, the knight, was tenuous on KB5. He played P-KN6. She responded with P-KR3. The knight went to KN2, looking to transfer to the queen side when he attacked her queen pawn. She played R-K3. He started a queen side advance with P-QR4. She blocked it with P-QR4, then Q-D4 on his part and her knight back to her KN2.

Andreyev had thought that she was just moving her pieces aimlessly around trying to find a way in, and that he had it covered, so he planned on just moving the knight back and forth. With repetition of moves it would be a draw, not bad starting with black.

Instead, she started her king side attack with P-KN4. This prevented his knight from going anywhere effectively, essentially making it powerless. It seemed to him she was overextending her attack and it should fizzle out. But then his knight, and the bishop as well, could not develop as the two pawns on QR4 and KN4 completely blocked their way. He tried to break the position open. P-QB3 was played, intending to eliminate her queen pawn. But she played P-QB4 to protect it. N-KB1 followed, then she played Q-KB4, then his play of K-KN2. Everything seemed to be defended.

She attacked his queen knight pawn with R-QN3. He had to protect with R-QN1. She attacked on the other side with N-KN5. This threatened the king bishop pawn with a double attack which could lead to mate. He had to block with N-KB3. He thought she would take his now undefended queen pawn, but she played R-KB3, putting another attacker on his knight. He couldn’t move it. The pawn on KB2 would be lost. He couldn’t move the queen up to help defend as it would be attacked by the rook and forced back. He moved P-KR4 to dislodge her knight, which she moved to K4.

Now the knight was attacked three times. There really was no good move to counter it. He captured her knight with his, exposing and giving up the king bishop pawn which she took with her queen directly attacking the king on the back ranks. He moved back and her queen took the king knight pawn. It was move thirty-one. He was up a knight in material, but her queen was right on top of his king. If he moved the knight to KN5, his only good move to keep it from being taken, she would take the king rook pawn, check him, and he would be forced to interpose the knight to block, after which her rook would come to KB7, with mate in one. His only move would be defending the knight with his queen on KB1. Then she would take his bishop. Now her bishop could move to attack his pinned knight as well. If he tried to move the rook over to KB1 to try and place it in front of her rook, she would capture his knight with her rook, his queen would recapture the rook to block, and her queen would go to KB8 with check, which could only be defended with the queen on KN1. She would then exchange the queens and she would be left a bishop up with three passed pawns. He would have nothing. He had 12 minutes on the clock. She had almost an hour left.

It was staggering to him. The precision, the brutality, the insight was unbelievable. He sat there, his face suddenly blank, and he simply stared at the board for several seconds. Then he slowly rose up and extended his hand in resignation before politely walking away from the board. The applause quickly rose and lasted for several minutes.

She felt elated, vindicated. True, he was still somewhat of an ass, but she did feel for him a little. He did apologize. That night, she avoided alcohol. She took her pills, then settled down for the night. She stared at the ceiling, but didn’t try to make the board appear. She was sure now she wouldn’t have to do so.

***

After the next five days, the chess world was in a flurry. In game two he tried the Sicilian on her as White. He was good, but he wasn’t Borgov. She had him tied up in thirty-four moves. The third game he played the Caro-Kann with black. This lasted longer, but in the end it was mate in three before he resigned. The other games that were played were a King’s Indian Defense, the Nimzo-Indian, and a Sicilian again. If anyone could play the Sicilian better than her, save Borgov, that person wasn’t on the planet.

She amazed everyone, winning every single game, shortening the match to take it six to zero. It was devastating. Even on the last day, Andreyev looked like death warmed over, a completely defeated man who wouldn’t look at her at all. No one had ever defeated an opponent six to zero before in a Candidate’s match. Benny couldn’t stop smiling, and barely was keeping himself from crowing aloud, After the last game, when Andreyev shook her hand and left, the applause was thunderous. She was again beset with interviews, and thankfully Benny was there to run interference, controlling the process so she would not be so stressed out by it.

Once it was all over, they traveled to the airport together. They would have different flights since he was going back to New York, and she was going back to Kentucky. 

They leaked a story that she was flying to New York. Her flight went out first, so he took her to the gate first. He didn’t try to talk her into coming to New York. She said she wasn’t ready, but she hugged him, glad to have him there, and kissed him lovingly before she boarded the plane. He was still upset she wouldn't come back with him, but he accepted it. She traveled under an assumed name and wore sunglasses and a scarf over her hair. She also dressed somewhat drably. As her schedule was not published and the tickets were obtained at the last minute, it was advertised she would be going back with Benny to New York to mislead the reporters. She landed at Lexington with none the wiser, calmly taking a taxi to get to her house.

Back home, the front pages of the papers were splashed with news of her victory. Townes called and asked for another interview, the only one she was willing to grant. This time, he took her to an upscale restaurant in Lexington where they had a quiet dinner and discussed the match, the details recorded on his little tape recorder. Because he was the only one to get an interview, his report went out nationally. By now, the news had gotten out that she was back in Kentucky, but it was clear that she would refuse to see anybody so no one bothered her or they found themselves arrested by the police. The city had truly taken her to heart, and the police kept a special eye on her to see she wasn’t bothered, for which she was grateful. Now she could grocery shop, buy new clothes if needed, or go to the gym, all by walking or taking the bus just like before anyone knew who she was.

She had not been going to her stylist for some time, and she had let her hair grow longer, going from just above the shoulder to about bra strap length down her back. She hadn’t had it this long since she was eight. She decided to keep it and only got a minimal trim. She was thinking a shag look, but not this time. The day after, she took a shower and dried off, and was surprised to see a flash of somebody standing next to her. Shocked, she looked around to see who the hell was in her bathroom, had invaded her privacy, someone she didn’t recognize.

It was her mirror. She stared at herself. Her hair ran down her shoulders onto her chest, the red color brighter when dry. It was different, fuller than when it was short. The way it framed her head and her neck was nice. Her body was well formed from her exercise, the muscles defined. Her breasts were full and firm. Her pubic area was softly covered with curls of red hair and was neatly bordered where she had a bikini wax done on a regular basis. She wore one piece bathing suits, most of them riding high enough on the hip to require this bit of hygiene. Her legs were well shaped and toned. Her hips and waist complemented her bosom in their dimensions, and the only fat she had was the minimal amount which would never be called too much, just enough to give her the right curves. She thought, ‘Maybe I don’t look so bad.’

Then her moment of revelation was dashed when she looked up at her face and mentally whipped herself, ‘But I still have this bug-eyed face....’. That was enough in her mind to negate everything else.

She huffed in irritation and walked away.

She followed the other Candidate matches closely. In each case, the Soviets took out their foreign opponents. The second round saw her going up against Federov, with Lebedev and Laev in the other match. Three Soviets, one American woman.....all the chess news was going nuts.

She calmly started gathering all of Federov’s games to study them. The second round was in eight weeks time. She was in no hurry to start, and took the opportunity to stop the pills. She lasted four days before her anxiety got so bad, and she had already bought two bottles of wine and taken them home ready to suck them dry, before she gave up and went upstairs to take two of the pills.

She quickly settled down and was able to concentrate on her studying, both in chess and Russian. The only thing that prevented her from going on a worse binge was her overriding desire to win, to win everything, the final goal the world championship. It scared her that too many pills and to much booze would impair her thinking, just like Paris, and it was getting to be a harder struggle for her each day.

Her studies at the junior college now included a course on Russian customs and etiquette. This needed to be understood in order to converse politely. She had gotten behind in her classes because of the match with Andreyev, and she needed to catch up. At night, her need did not decrease, staying at two pills a day.

Searching her mail of the previous two weeks, she separated out the letters to which she had responses to inquiries she had sent out before the match, addressed to colleges and universities. There were four. She opened each one to find the same answer. None of them had any record of a Paul Stanfield. She would have to go back to Morris’ and get more help on what other colleges and universities were in that area. New York was huge, yes, but she was still amazed at how many institutions of higher learning were there. She was getting the return answers back at roughly one or two a week.

Jolene was in Atlanta now, so she had to do her work outs alone. She had developed a routine with light weights and the treadmill as she no longer would play racquetball. Jolene encouraged her to find another partner, but she didn’t want to do it with a stranger. Benny still called every night, even if they had nothing to really discuss. It was good to hear his voice. He had been negotiating with the Soviets for the Federov match. They were going back and forth on the details, which to her seemed insignificant, but she let Benny do the job, because she knew they weren’t. Eventually, they settled on London in June. She continued to study her opponent’s games, getting the feel of him. She paid close attention to how he won over his opponents, but then saw something different. She had thought of this before, but had not really put it into regular practice, which was to study why his opponents’ moves caused them to lose.

One day she was walking back from the grocery store when she was ambushed by a news crew from a television station in Louisville, pressing her for an interview about her career, her success, and all the other so called interesting things in her life. She tried to tell them she wasn’t interested, but they wouldn’t give up. She kept walking with them trailing behind, a camera on her, microphones pointed in her direction. She walked about three blocks to where the bus stop was located and silently thanked whatever providence might exist that it was there waiting. She quickly boarded and the news crew tried to follow, until the bus driver got up and roughly pushed them back out and slammed the door shut.

“Thank you!”, she said in exasperation.

“No problem, Miss Harmon.”, he said pleasantly, “We Lexingtonians know how to protect our own......usually.”

She laughed lightly with him, “Well, thanks, just the same. I really appreciate it.”

“My pleasure, ma’am.”

The bus was nearly empty and the other passengers paid her no more attention after a few minutes. Once they got to her stop, she was about to get up when the bus driver turned and said, "Uh, Miss Harmon, my son likes to play chess. Could I have your autograph?”

“Sure.”, she said, smiling widely.

***

“So that Federov-McNeill game? You found what?”, asked Benny one night.

“I found the move that cost McNeill the game. If he hadn’t moved up the pawn to KB3, and instead pulled the knight over to the king side, he could have won that game, or at least drawn it.”

“Huh...”, He said, thinking it over, “Well, that’s a new twist at looking at games. Interesting. Anything else going on? Anything you need?”

“No. I’m fine.”, she answered wistfully, then something came to mind, “Benny? Can you get a list of all the colleges and universities in New York City?”

“Sure. Why?”, he asked.

She hesitated, but then said, “Remember when I told you about my parents?”

He grew silent for several seconds, “Yes.....”

“I’m trying to track down my father, find out where and when he died. All I know is that he taught at Cornell then went down to a college in New York City to teach. So I’m writing letters to as many of them as I can to see if he taught in one of them. Maybe I can find where he went from there.”

“Are you sure you want to do this, Beth?”, he said cautiously.

“Yes.", she said firmly, "I need to find out.”

He paused again for several seconds and she heard a deep breath from him. Then he said, “Okay. I can do that for you. While I’m at it, maybe we should include those institutions that are close, like in New Jersey.”

She hadn’t thought of that, “Thanks. Talk to you tomorrow?”

“Are you staying―”

“Clean! Yes!”, she snapped.

“Okay. Talk to you tomorrow. Bye.”

“Bye.”

She was getting better at lying.

***

She arrived in London the day before the match was to start. This time, the Federation paid for Benny to come with her. Benny met her and stared when she came into the terminal.

“You let your hair down. It’s longer than I thought.”

“Yeah.”, she said, “I decided to let it grow out now.”

“Well it looks.....great. You look beautiful, Beth.”

She gave him an irritated side glance as they walked toward the baggage claim, obviously meaning she did not agree in the least. Her reaction amused him. They collected her bags and took a cab to the hotel. She checked in and received her room key. The porter trailed behind her with her bags to her room. Benny’s room was on the other side of the hotel and two floors down. He walked her to the door then excused himself, leaving her to unpack. She put her clothes up on the hangars and in the drawers. The make up kit went to the bathroom. Going back to the bag, she opened up a small pocket with a zipper on the inside which was not easily visible. She took out her pill bottle and counted them. She had thirty, more than enough for this trip. Then she hid them again so Benny wouldn’t find them. It was getting worse. Usually she only took the pills if she got stressed out. Not needing them every day, it was easier for her to stop. But now she did need them every night, just like at Methuen toward the last. At least she still woke up clearheaded in the morning.

The next morning, the seconds and the two contestants met in the reserved room for the games. It was a fairly large ballroom with the table raised on a dais of about six inches. The rest of the room filled with spectator chairs, possibly as many as two hundred. The entire time Federov stayed on the other side of the podium looking at Beth with a curious look. He did not approach her, but he looked uneasy. Last minute details were worked out and now everything was ready. The first game was at 10AM the next day. That night she kept thinking about that, the way he looked at her. She lay in bed, chewing on that image in her mind. It took her awhile to figure it out, but when she did, she smiled. It was fear.

The morning started with photographers and gawkers. With her longer hair styled in waves with the bandana look, she wore a striking full skirt with a brightly colored blouse and a simple wide gold belt that showed her hair off perfectly, red shoes capping the look off. She was radiant. Of course, most of the photographers snapped her, to some chagrin of the Russian team.

Federov had the white pieces. They both approached the podium, game faces on. They shook hands and sat down to applause. The room was nearly filled to capacity. She punched his clock and he opened with the king pawn.

Was he challenging her to play the Sicilian? He had to know she specialized in it. She felt she could throw him off and tried a different route. She also played P-K4. He evoked no reaction, except he blinked once. He brought his knight out and soon they had played to a Ruy Lopez with the Morphy Defense. He varied from the standard line by doubling his pawns on the queen side, but it also gave him an open rook file. Soon after that he exchanged several pieces, clearing the board quite a bit. She wanted to avoid it, but White’s game was too good. Neither had made any mistakes. After more maneuvering, she exchanged a pair of rooks. The game was going to go into the endgame. She knew perfectly well that was where the Russians wanted to try to always get her. In the endgame, she was judged weaker on theory, at her most vulnerable. That way they avoided her middle game brilliance.

She decided to alter their perception. She voluntarily traded off the other pair of rooks. Like Borgov, Federov was practically stone faced, but not quite. He had tells but they were very small, and she thought he looked surprised when she was trading off her pieces for his on purpose. They were left each with a queen, a minor piece, and five pawns. Maneuvering to the center, Beth had her king out while Federov still had his on KN1. He checked her king with his queen, but he countered with her light square bishop which attacked back. She was taunting him in this situation to trade off the both queens and minor pieces, leaving them nothing but pawns. He saw with her king far more activated than his, she would win if he traded the pieces off. He avoided that and moved the queen off. She continued to try and trade the queens, which would leave her with the bishop against his knight, and she would win in that situation as well. They continued to move their queens and minor pieces around the center squares, Black trying to exchange the queens, White trying to infiltrate with an attack on her more exposed king. It was like a dance between a mongoose and a cobra, moving in and out, in and out. But in the process she managed to move her pawns up better than he did. Finally the pawns were locked in a position that Federov thought he could trade the queens to his advantage. He offered it, and Beth gladly took the trade. White then managed to activate his king, moving it up. The position appeared to be a dead draw to him. They had only five pawns and a minor piece to each side, though she had a slight edge with a bishop against his knight. At this point, he was thinking he would get the draw.

They continued to maneuver the bishop and knight around trying to gain positional advantage. A pair of pawns on the king side were exchanged. He had the doubled pawns on the queen knight file facing her two pawns. They were pretty much locked down and their kings were battling for position on the king side with their minor pieces jockeying in and out. Another pair of pawns on the king side were exchanged leaving only one each on that side. Finally she managed to maneuver her bishop to the rook file and attacked his knight. He moved the knight forking the king and remaining pawn. He expected her to move the king toward the pawn to protect it,

Instead she suddenly abandoned it and moved the king to the queen side. Now it was clear. She had calculated the position such that she would try to outrace him to queen a pawn. But it wouldn’t have worked until her bishop was on her KR5, which she had finally done. Federov studied the board for a long think, then slowly nodded, seeing what she intended. It was going to be close. He captured the pawn. His own pawn was now clear to advance. Her king moved down next to the first doubled pawn. He would lose that one, but he chased her king with his knight setting up a wall with the pawn on QN2 to block the third rank so her king could not cross. She maneuvered the king and advanced her pawns, challenging his last pawn on the queen side. He was forced to move his king in that direction as well as his last pawn on the king side couldn’t advance without it being taken by her bishop. He was forced to exchange his last pawn on the queen side leaving her with a passed rook pawn there and she pushed it to the seventh rank. He had manner to move his king to the first rank and his knight to QN3, and it looked like he could prevent her from promoting the pawn, He placed the knight on QR1, blocking her pawn. Black’s king was on her QB6. His king was on QB1, the black pawn on her QR7. Federov recognized the position three moves before it happened, and he could not stop it. This was a familiar endgame exercise known to chess masters. He could move his knight to QB2. She could not take it with the bishop as that would be stalemate. The difference was his pawn on KR3, so while neither his knight or king could move in that position, his pawn could. Her bishop was on her KB4. He pushed P-R4. She moved B-KN4. He could not do anything else but P-R5 and she took it. This moved the bishop off the diagonal and he was able to move the knight to QB2. She moved the bishop to K1. He moved the knight back to R8. She moved the bishop to QR5. As long as he could shuttle the knight back and forth, he could draw the game. She could never take the knight as it would produce stalemate. He moved the knight back to QB2

She didn’t take the knight. She moved her king to QN6, and he stared at it. He followed the possible next moves; N-R8 check, K-QN6, N-QB2 check, K-QR6, and it was over. He only had two choices. Move the king away and let her king come in and capture his knight, or check again with the knight at QB2 and then the bishop would capture it with no stalemate in place. Either way, the pawn would make it to the eighth rank and queen.

He looked at the position for a good minute before he rose and faced her. His face was carefully controlled, but she could tell he was raging inside, as Benny would put it. He realized she had calculated it to the last move. He politely bowed his head and held out his hand. She shook it, then he walked away as the room filled with applause, thundering and solid for minutes. When it subsided, she accompanied Benny back to her room, a smugness on his face he couldn’t and wouldn’t hide. Then he started to laugh quietly.

“You know.”, he said, “They are intentionally trying to get you away from your strong suit, your intuitive middle game play.”

She nodded, pursing her lips, “I know. They want me to get to the endgame where they would have the advantage, or they think they do.”

“I don’t think they’re thinking that any more.”

She smiled like a predator and looked up at him, “They think I can’t play endgame? I read Borgov’s damn book! Let the endgames come. They’ll find out differently.”

They arrived at her door and as she unlocked it, he took her arm with his hand.

She looked back up at him, confused.

“Is it possible we could―.”

He stopped talking when she put her fingers on his lips. She stood up on tip toe and lightly kissed them.

“Benny, you know better.”, she said softly, “You know I have to concentrate on the games. It’s okay. I like......I love being with you, more than you know. But even with winning the games, I’m just not ready. Please let me do this the way I need to do it.”

He looked at her soberly, “It was worth a try.”

She replied, “This.....is not you. It’s me. Please.....”

He gazed at her for a while and nodded, “Okay. You know where to find me.”

“I know, and I’m really grateful for it.”

He smiled and turned to find the elevator. She watched him go until he disappeared around the corner. She found herself again wanting him badly. But chess saved her. She took the two pills, and this time drank a small glass of wine. Then she lay down and gazed at the ceiling. She did not have to conjure the board during the game today, and she did not try to do it now. It was because without the drugs it was sharper, more revealing. Something was needed to trigger it, like the excitement of the game, or the incredible release when she had sex with Benny. She wanted to get back to seeing the games that way, not with the pills.

The next morning, she awoke refreshed. The effects of the pills had completely worn off, and she felt clear-headed by the time she reached the tournament room. Her mind was as sharp as it could be, and it showed. The next five days turned into a storm of activity and surprises. She played black in a Nimzo-Indian, a Rossolimo variation with the queen going to QN3, and a Benoni. As White she played an English opening and a Queen’s Gambit Declined. She again had long minutes of staring at the ceiling in two of those games. It was starting to become a trademark of her play.

She won them all, including two of them that went to endgame and adjournment. As usual, the boys were in New York analyzing the games and calling in their suggestions. By the last game, the Russians looked devastated. Federov could barely function, and looked like, as Benny had put it once, he was just ‘pushing wood’. Benny was no longer grinning. He was just looking at her like everybody else, in disbelief. After the final game when Federov shook her hand and left the stage during the thunderous applause, there was no way to escape quietly. Every news service in the Western World was at her hotel looking for an interview. Benny managed to shield her as much as he could by arranging a press conference and controlling the questioning closely. Fortunately he did a good job, and it was not quite as stressful as she anticipated.

The questioning stayed on the topic of her match and the unprecedented six to zero record she accumulated not once, now, but twice, and how she did it and what her plans and strategy for going forward would be. It was repetitive and getting a little boring, but she endured it. There was some questioning concerning what relationship she had with Benny, but he made it clear that he was there only as her second, and nothing else. They answered all other such questions with that line.

Afterward, they packed up and were escorted by London Police to Heathrow. They were picked up by a private jet which had been gladly loaned to them by an entrepreneur who had become a big fan of hers. It saved on the expenses.

On the flight back, she tried to relax and get some sleep, which was possible as her seat was really comfortable. Benny sat next to her. This time, Beth had agreed to come back to New York. He didn’t know why exactly, but thought it was because she had just smacked the Russians down so badly, and might take a break. She noticed him looking deep in thought.

“Hey.”, she whispered, “You doing okay?”

His train of thought disrupted, he looked back at her, “Huh? Oh, yeah. I’m fine.”

“You looked kind of, uh, out there.”

He nodded, “Just figuring out what needs to be done now. I feel like your goddamn press secretary.”

She had to laugh, “I guess you are, but you were joking, right?”

“I was, sort of. But I was thinking.”

“Yes?”

“I thought I knew how good you are. But you’ve gone beyond even what I can imagine. I don’t know how you managed to play those positions knowing exactly that they were going to happen. It was like you knew almost from the first move exactly where the middle game was going to go.”

“I did.”, she replied softly.

He stared at her in awe, “How?"

She looked thoughtful as she replied, "Well, you know it's made easier in that the beginnings of the openings are so set. For example in the Sicilian, there are 170 different lines extending from P-QB4 through about move nine or ten roughly. That's a lot less than the hundreds of thousands of possibilities overall to get to move ten. All the other openings have the same development, though with less lines than the Sicilian. So there's only several hundred I have to learn. All I have to do is memorize just those. Anything outside those moves will cause an opponent to lose the game with proper analysis. But then once I get to the point the book moves have been exhausted, that's the point I can work out how the middle game will go."

"And you're able to completely play it out to the end?"

She nodded nonchalantly. He just gazed at her in wonder.

"You are so bad for my ego, you know.”

She smiled contritely, “Sorry....”

He smiled back, “It’s okay. I’m getting used to it......I think. By the way, the benefactor who gave us this plane ride? He’s a fan who really is in love with you. He is also very rich. He’s arranged for a private vehicle to get us back to the apartment. We should be safe enough there. You know one day we need to meet him and thank him.”

“Yeah. I understand. About your apartment, I always wondered about that. Couldn’t they look up in records somewhere that you rented it?”

“They could, if I had actually rented it. I sort of informally sublet it from the actual renter. There’s no record of me on the lease.”

She thought about that, replying, “No wonder.”

“Can you get your mail forwarded?”

“Yeah. I can have Jolene collect it and send it to me. She has to go back to Lexington every now and then anyway.”

“Good. That way the news can’t track us that way either. When we get there, you take the bedroom. I’ll be fine in the living room.”

She bit her lip for second, “Benny, things aren’t so intense now, so....”

“No.”, he said, “I’ve seen how this works now. You were right. When we stay separate, you are fucking brilliant! We need to keep you that sharp. You have Lebedev in three months.”

“I know.”

The rented car was a nondescript Ford Crown Victoria which deposited them at night in front of his apartment. No one appeared to be aware of their arrival. They unpacked and Beth hung her clothes up in the closet. Benny had found a free standing armoire some weeks ago and put it in one corner of the living room. He kept his clothes in there. They ordered pizza and ate in. Afterward, he pumped up the air mattress as she went into the bedroom, but she paused and walked back to him.

“Benny, I think we can take a break for a few days, before we dive back into this.”

He considered this, “I don’t know, Beth....”

“We won’t talk chess then, for three days, okay?"

"You're sure?"

She nodded.

He smiled, “Okay.”

She took his hand and led him back into the bedroom.

“So, you still like my hair, huh?”

“I like the way you hold me even more.”, she replied as she turned around and kissed him hard.

***

_The Donahue Show_ had recently gone into syndication and was a powerful platform to have for an interview. As usual, Benny ran interference, taking care of the details, protecting her from the annoyances that came up. He watched from the wings as Phil Donahue brought Beth on for a ten minute interview where he had her explain the basics of the game, and then discussed her meteoric rise, as he described it, to the top of the chess world. It was a fairly benign interview and it achieved what Benny wanted, national exposure. It was enhanced by Beth’s style, dressed beautifully in casual skirt and blouse with belt, her hair now flowing down to the small of her back, accented with the bandana. It was one of her best looks, and she pulled it off very well. Afterward, they were dropped off at a parking garage nearby where they could take his Beetle back to Brooklyn and his apartment.

They were back in chess mode, working and sleeping separately. Beth just had to be careful and not let him see her take any pills. She was missing the alcohol though. She made up for it by taking three pills. She had hidden enough of them to last at least until the match. Her mail came in about every two weeks. There would be more pills in it. The next thing she always checked for were the responses from the colleges, but so far there was no luck. Jolene called every couple of weeks to check up on her. Beth finally introduced Benny to her over the phone, to which Jolene told him she thought he was good for her, but there was no way he was going to 'charm her ass off'. Benny had to laugh, saying “probably not”. Beth had told Jolene what she found out from Dr. Feinstein, and asked what she thought about it.

“Might be still alive? God, Beth. I don’t know. You really should just forget all about that. It’s not gonna bring nothin’ but trouble.”

“I can’t.”, She replied, “I need to know.”

“Well, if he were still alive, did he know you were alive after the accident? Did he know where you were?”

Beth paused, thinking, “I just don’t know.”

“Well, I bet there’s one person who might know.”

“Who?”

“Miz high ‘n mighty herself.”

“Deardorff!?”, gasped Beth, “She’d probably kick me out of Methuen before I even took a step into the building, especially after what I said about her. Besides, I overheard her say one time she didn't know anything about him."

“Maybe. But if we had some proof of sorts, we might just get her to cooperate.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was just remembering. Do you know where Methuen gets its money?

Beth had never thought about that, “No...”

“Mostly private donations from Christian white folk. Wouldn’t it be interesting to know who exactly done that?”

“Why?”

“Let’s say your father knew you were alive. Didn’t the paper say where you were taken? So maybe he knew where you were. Maybe he didn’t completely abandon you.”

“Uh,”, Beth said, “I don’t understand.”

“Let’s say he don’t want you, but he also feeling guilty. You said he came from money, right? Maybe he was a contributor, tried to give money to take care of you. That's what rich white folk do sometimes to cover up doing something bad."

“Would he do that? We never got money from anybody, Jolene, at least not specifically to individuals.”

“He might not have known that. I could check it out. It wouldn’t hurt to ask.”

“Sure. Thanks.”

She didn’t think anything would come of it, but then two weeks later Jolene called back.

“I didn’t find a Paul Stanfield as a donor, but there were also a lot of anonymous donors.”

“So?”

“I think I know a way we can find out if he was one of them.”

***

Jolene drove Beth and Benny from the airport to Beth’s house. As nobody knew she were coming, they had no interruptions or confrontations with the Press. Beth, of course, continued to disguise herself with dark glasses and a drab coat. She didn’t like to dress shabbily, but it was necessary. Benny and Jolene got on together like old friends, for which Beth was glad. They were the two closest people to her. After they changed and rested, they went to the appointment at Methuen, supposedly for Benjamin Watts on the subject of donations.

When they were brought into her office, Mrs. Deardoff didn’t recognize the two women. Beth and Jolene looked at each other momentarily, their anxiety calmed down significantly when they realized that. She had aged a lot since she had broken her hip, the grey in her hair more prominent. She squinted slightly as she greeted them, but the two girls were grown and did look entirely different from when they were children. Benny started off the conversation.

“I’m pleased to meet you, ma’am. I was hoping to get some information about your donations.”

She looked at him curiously, “I’m sorry, young man. I thought you were here to make a donation.”

He responded, “We are planning to do that too, ma’am. Several thousand dollars worth.”

Mrs. Deardorff looked at him a moment then blinked, “I see. What was it you wanted to know?”

“Well, we are looking for one particular donor. A Mr. Paul Stanfield. We believe him to be one of your anonymous donors. We’re trying to track him down as we wish to ask him to join us in another contribution to another home.”

‘I don’t understand.”

“He has become rather famous for his anonymous donations. We’d think he will be open to joining us in this one. The need of this other home is more than we can provide and we could use his assistance.”

“I’m afraid then I can’t help you. There is a reason those donors wish to remain anonymous, and I doubt he would like you to bring him into the light despite your good intentions.”

“I understand.”, Benny replied, “But it really is crucial to find out if he has indeed made donations to the Methuen home, and when. It's critical to the survival of the other home. We were hoping you could make an exception. We would, of course, keep it otherwise anonymous, and confidential just between us."

She shook her head, looking suspicious and slowly rising, “I’m sorry, young man. I’m afraid this interview is over.”

“Miz Deardorff,”, said Jolene, “Are you aware of house bill 248 in the state legislature?”

Mrs. Deardorff stopped and stared at Jolene. It was apparent she knew. She sat back down.

“I am aware.”

“Then you know that it was a bill for the registration and regulation of orphanages in the state.”

“Yes.”

“And this was done because of the scandal from six years ago of medicating the children in orphanages and other institutions like Methuen.”

“Who are you?”, Mrs. Deardorff asked. She fumbled for her glasses then and put them on. Her eyes got wide, “Get out! Get out now! I will not have you in my home!”

“Then I guess we’ll just have to make a complaint of fraud and embezzlement to the state authorities, won't we?”

Mrs. Deardorff was outraged, “What? How dare you?!”

“No!”, cried Beth, unable to stay quiet any longer, “How dare _you?_ ”

Deardorff stared at her a minute, then slowly recognition came.

“It is you, Elizabeth. Isn’t it? So is this your little game? To bite the hand that fed you? It would be you! You two were always thick as thieves!”

“The hand that fed her?”, exclaimed Jolene, “You mean turn her and the rest of the girls into addicts!”

The old woman stared at her, “Jolene, you always were a unchristian miscreant. You are nothing but evil! The two of you have no business here! There’s nothing to what you claim! Now leave!”

“Oh, really?”, said Beth, “I should tell you then, Jolene is a law student at John Marshall school of law in Atlanta. She has been very instrumental in finding out what happened here. You stopped the Librium before the state regulators found out about it, so they couldn’t prove you were giving them out.”

“They were properly prescribed by a doctor!”

“No, they weren’t, Miz Deardorff.”, replied Jolene, “I have the official records. No charges were brought against the home because that was before the law was enacted. I understand that. But I also have the records of Methuen’s financials for the last ten years, which when compared to the reported donations as required by the IRS, show the donations far exceeded the distribution of those funds to Methuen and the care of the girls in your charge. It would at least bring an investigation of Methuen as I have the sworn affidavits of 34 former reported donors to this orphanage in addition to Methuen's financials."

Mrs. Deardorff went pale and didn’t respond. In fact she started to look scared.

“What is it you want?”

Beth said, “I’m not here to hurt you or the home, Mrs. Deardorff. All I want is the information we requested. I have no intention to make any documents public, unless you don’t cooperate.”

The old woman glared at her, anger blazing in her eyes, but she looked as caught in the act as Jolene had figured she would be. She grabbed her cane and slowly, painfully rose up, turning and walking over to the filing cabinet behind her. She pulled it open and started looking through several files.

“What was the name again?”, she asked.

“Paul Stanfield.”

She shuffled through some more files and then grabbed one and start leafing through it.

“Yes.”, she said, “He did make donations. From about 1957 to 1963.”

Beth’s stomach fell to the floor, and she felt nauseous.

“I see.”, she managed to get out, “And where did the checks come from?”

Mrs. Deardorff shook her head, “It’s not recorded here. No return address was ever written on the letters the checks came in. The postal mark only says New York, and the checks are from a New York Bank too. But it’s not uncommon for anonymous donors to not leave forwarding addresses.”

“Why did they stop?”

Deardorff looked puzzled, “How should I know? They’re anonymous donations, whose identities we’re obliged to protect. They either come or they don’t.”

"It was around the time I was adopted, wasn't it?"

Mrs. Deardorff looked back at the records, "Yes. They stopped two months after you left."

Beth hung her head and closed her eyes. Her father knew. He knew she survived the crash. He was supposed to have died around 1957. Was he really alive?

“Are you done?”, Mrs. Deardorf snapped.

Beth looked up at her, “Yes, we’re done.”

“Then I’ll thank you to leave and never return.”, she said in an acid tone.

“Gladly.”, returned Beth.

They got up to leave and as they were going out, Mrs. Deardorff asked, “What is this man to you?”

Beth looked back, glaring.

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing.”, she said flatly.


	9. Chapter 9

“That was pretty smart thinking, Jolene.”, Benny said as Jolene drove them back home, “I didn’t know you had the proof.”

She laughed, “Oh, I didn’t have nuthin’. I was bluffing her all the way. Did it a lot when I lived there.”

“You mean you didn’t have those statements from witnesses?”

“Hell, no!”, she replied, “All I had was my research on the financials of the place. But that was enough. It really does have some very suspicious records, so I was sure something rotten was going on. I just improvised from there.”

He had to grin at that. On the drive back, Beth sat with Benny in the back seat. He looked over to her, but her face was stone cold, no feeling or emotion on it. She said nothing, just stared out the window, which made him worried about her.

“Beth......?”

She slowly shook her head as she whispered, “Please, Benny, not right now.”

Her eyes were wet and she was barely holding it together, barely able to keep from crying openly. When they got home, she went upstairs, changed into her pajamas and went to bed without a word. It was still light outside. Downstairs, Benny and Jolene sat on the couch, staring out the back windows into the garden.

“And I thought it wouldn’t get any worse for her.”, she said, “She should have never done this.”

“Yeah....”, he replied, “I just hope she’ll recover enough to be able to play.”

“She shouldn’t have dug down this deep. I told her.”

“Neither of us would have been able to stop her, you know?”

She looked at him, “You’re probably right. Let me ask you something. Why are you here with her?”

He looked back at her, slightly offended, “Come on! She needs someone to help her through all this. She needs a second, me, to help her get ready for the matches.”

“And what do you get out of it?”

“What do mean what do I get out of it? This isn’t about me.”

“Benny, she family to me.”

“I know.”

  
“Okay. Do you love her?”

He looked up at her, annoyed, “What do you think? Look, you don't know how much I really care for her. I do everything I can for her. I have to—“

”What about you? What is the most important thing for you to do in your life?”

“Chess! What else? As it is for her, too. Chess is all that matters to both of us.”

“So you want to beat everybody too, right? Be world champion and all that, right?”

“Yes!”

“Are you going to do that and help her? Only one of you gonna be champion.”

He ground his teeth as he stared at her, muttering, “Yeah......”

“Are you willing to give that up for her?”

He hesitated. It wasn’t something he wanted to discuss with anybody. But Jolene was Beth’s sister in every way except blood...

“Damn right I would.”, he said quietly.

She nodded, satisfied, “I knew it. Just wanted to confirm it.”

“I just wish I could do something for her now, to help her through this.”

“You is, just by being here. But I think I’ll be better for her right now. Sometimes, you know, we females have to think about things by ourselves without the men around. You dig?”

He smiled grimly, “Yeah, I got it. I’ll wait down here.”

“Good.”

She went up to the bedroom and found Beth softly crying into her pillow, She climbed in and held her.

***

After a few days, Jolene had to get back to Atlanta for her own schooling. She was sure having Benny around would keep Beth from getting drunk and drugged out again, or so she thought. She didn’t know how well Beth was hiding it, nor that she was up to three pills at night. For the next several weeks, Beth was depressed, but she gradually seemed to recover. At least Benny thought so. She got back into the rhythm of her study.

When Beth was feeling strong enough, she and Benny flew back to New York. They resumed their regimen of studying and sleeping apart. It was better this time. As long as they studied their chess separately, and slept separately, she could be effective. She of course made sure to hide using the pills. Benny never tried to get rid of the ones in the medicine cabinet in Lexington. She just had to make sure he didn't discover the stash in her luggage when they went back to New York.

As before, Benny engaged in the negotiations for the finals. The Chess Federation called back and said they recalculated Beth’s ELO rating, and she was now at 2618. It was higher than his rating, but what annoyed Benny more was that it wasn’t any higher because she had destroyed, not just beaten, two of the three highest level grandmasters in the world, and this was all they were going to give her?

She didn’t care about that. She buried herself back into her studies of Lebedev’s games and styles. She didn’t want to think about anything else. As the time for the match grew closer, the news people were getting pretty desperate trying to find her. He had some license plates from a junked out car belonging to a friend of his and switched his own out for them when he saw some reporter types sniffing around. Some of them had gone door to door too, trying to see if they could get a lead. He made the decision they couldn't stay in the apartment.

Once night in October, Benny told her they had to move. The reporters were sniffing around his car too much. Early the next morning, when nobody was around, they loaded up everything they needed into the Beetle and took off. She had been so busy with packing and getting her clothes and things put away properly, she didn’t even think to ask about where they were going until they were on the road.

“What hotel are we going to?”

“No hotel. The reporters would sniff that out in less than an hour. We’re going to Long Island.”

“Long Island?”

“Yeah. Little town called Oakdale. Nice middle to upper middle class neighborhood. You’ll like it.”

“Why there?”

Benny sighed heavily, hesitating.

“My mother lives there.”

She stared in surprise. Benny and his mother did not get along. In fact they hadn’t spoken in years.

“Benny, uh, why? We could have found somewhere else. You didn’t have to do this. We could have just checked into a hotel or something.”

Benny shook his head ‘no’, saying, “We can’t use any kind of credit card. Some employee somewhere will get wind of who you are, and sell the information. Same problem if you write a check. If we used cash, we’d need to go to the bank and withdraw it. That’s too public, and I don’t feel comfortable carrying around a huge load of cash like that anyway. You can keep from being found by using those American Express checks. This worked out to be the best option. I called ahead, and she said it was okay.”

“What about those new ATM machines?”

“The closest one is in Manhattan. There’s only a handful of them and none of them are with your bank.”

"I could just use the American Express checks at the hotel."

He grimaced as he drove, "Yeah, but there's still the risk of you being recognized. This is the safest way."

She let it go and watched the road go by from the passenger side window. He drove through Queens going east and the density of population began to thin out. He got off the highway and soon had entered a small village with nice neighborhoods, like hers but a little more well to do. He pulled into the driveway of a capes style house with white clapboards. They got out and unloaded their belongings, carrying them up to the front door. He rung the doorbell and waited.

It was answered by a blonde middle-aged woman with shoulder length hair and a good figure. At first they just looked at each other, unsure, but then she held out her arms and he hugged her awkwardly.

“How ya doing, mom?”

“I”m okay. What about you?”

“I’ve managed well enough. I......I want to thank you for letting me do this.”

“You’re my son. Of course, I’d let you.”

She looked at Beth and Benny turned and said, “Uh, Mom, I want you to meet Beth Harmon.”

Beth said quietly, “Hello, Mrs. Watts. Thank you for letting us stay here.”

“Evelyn. Call me Evelyn. And you’re more than welcome. Both of you. Come on in. Get out of the cold.”

They brought their luggage and other things inside.

“You still got the guest room. Right, Mom?”

Evelyn looked at them, “Sure, so you two aren’t........a couple?”

  
Benny and Beth looked at each other, a little color coming to Beth’s cheeks.

“Uh........not exactly.”, he said.

“I see. Well, Beth. The guest room is on the right side. Make yourself at home. I’ll get some coffee going.”

Beth said ‘thank you’ again, then Benny helped put her luggage in her room. After she had unpacked, she went downstairs. Benny was talking in a low voice to his mother at a small breakfast nook table. He motioned for her to grab a mug and join them as he continued to fill his mother in on recent events. She sat down next to Benny.

"....After she beat Federov, the reporters were going nuts. It’s gotten harder and harder for us to stay hidden. They sniffed out my car. It wasn’t going to be long before they found the apartment. We can’t work without peace and quiet, you know, and they’ll hound us all the way to the match.”

His mother nodded slightly as she drank her coffee.

“That’s quite a story, Benjamin. Well, things are quiet enough around here all right. The back yard is nice and secluded if you want to use it.”

“That’s what I was thinking too.”

Beth was looking out at it.

“I love your gazebo, Evelyn.”

Thank you, dear.”, she returned, smiling, “Benjamin, I need some milk. Will you go down to the market and get a gallon for me?”

“Uh, sure, Mom.”

He gathered up his keys and headed out the door.

Evelyn drank her coffee just staying silent for a time.

“I didn’t really need the milk”, she finally said.

Beth looked back at her.

“I just wanted to talk to you.”

“Uh, okay.....”

“You see, you are unique. Benjamin......by the way, I’m the only one who calls him that. He hates it.....Benjamin has brought home girls in the past. Usually he’d sneak them into his room in the middle of the night. I learned the hard way to knock good and loud before I came in."

“Oh, God!”, Beth said her mouth open in shock, "You mean you walked in when...."

"In coitus? Yes.", Evelyn answered, taking a sip of her coffee with an annoyed look.

"And you let him?", continued Beth.

“Of course not! And the girl didn't even have the decency to be embarrassed about it! She looked at me with him between her legs and just said 'hi'! Lord, I was so scandalized. I worried about what the neighbors would think. I thought he was taking advantage of the girls. It was just wrong. But how was I going to stop him? His father was gone. He didn’t do that well in school, and then he went for this whole chess thing full time.

“But I eventually talked to some of the girls he brought home, and I was surprised. None of them wanted anything more than to have a good time with my son. It was just sex to them, with no attachments. He wasn’t lying to them or forcing them into something they didn’t want to do. It was just this new generation, free love, women’s liberation and all that.”

“And birth control.”, added Beth

Evelyn nodded, “Yes, that too. We got into some really nasty arguments about it. That’s why we finally stopped talking. But I’ve had time to think it out, and I realized he’s not a bad person because of that. Do I like him being so libertine? Certainly not! But at the same time, he is a man. He’s living his life the way he sees it, not how I want it, and I have to respect that. However, it seems he has matured a lot since then.”

“He said you two hadn’t talked in years.”

“Yes, close to five or six now. I put my foot down and told him if he was going to continue bringing women home like that, he might as well not come back at all. I wish to God I never said it.”

“I’m sorry.”

She smiled, “Thank you. But you see, none of that happened with you. That’s why you’re unique. He’s never asked permission before, and he’s never had them sleep in a separate room either. You have to be something special for him to do that. So you’re aren’t.....?”

Beth ducked her head momentarily, “It’s complicated. Benny means a lot to me. He does. He’s given me so much. And yes, we have been intimate in the past. It’s just that when we concentrate on chess, it works better if we stay apart from each other.”

“And you have this match coming up in a few weeks? If you win it, you go for the world championship next year?”

“That’s right.”

  
She laughed.

“Lord, talk about irony! You must be an incredible player then. I know how good my son is. He’s beaten everyone he ever faced and laughed as he did it. He was that confident. He said he was good enough to be world champion.”

“I think he’s good enough, too.”

“No, not with you in the picture, not the way he tells it. He must be so angry inside.”

Beth ducked her head down again, not meeting her eyes, “I wish that didn’t.....have to happen."

She eyed Beth with a knowing smile.

“But you want it just as bad as he does, don’t you?”

Beth looked back up and nodded, “Yes. But I never wanted to hurt him.”

Evelyn’s face grew soft and she reached over and covered Beth’s hand with hers.

“I understand, dear. But in the end, it’ll be good for both of you, I think. He has met his match in you.”, she said smiling again, “After all this, are you thinking of taking your relationship further?”

Beth froze up, unable to answer, but eventually found her tongue, “We haven’t thought that far ahead. We may not be able to because.....because......”

“...because of chess.”, she finished, “God, you two are like peas in a pod on that.”

She looked at Beth a long time as she drank her mug dry, then said, “Beth, I think you’re a sweet girl. I’m not going to push one way or the other on what you have with my son. If it is fated to be, it’ll come about. But I would like to see him settle down, like any mother. And so far, I’ve never seen him respect a girl as much as he has you. Oh, don’t get me wrong. He doesn’t mistreat women. He does respect them. The other girls he’s been with knew exactly what they were getting into and, usually, didn’t expect more. He didn't lie to them and would never make them do anything they didn’t want to do. But like I said, you are different in his eyes.”

This was revealing to her. She knew Benny had a reputation attracting women. But how was she so different than the others? Sure, she’s a chess player. That was different, but was that enough to make her that special to him? It had to be. It certainly wasn’t because of her looks, despite Benny’s protestations otherwise. She had trouble understanding it, and wasn’t sure she would be able to return that dedication and affection.

“Evelyn, right now, the only thing I can do is concentrate on these two matches. There’s no time for anything else in my life. I’m grateful to Benny for all he has done for me, more than you know. But I can’t promise anything. After the matches, win or lose, maybe. We will seriously see if........I don't know.........if we can have a relationship. I just can’t say now.”

She chuckled and smiled, “That sounds like how Benny used to be. I hope you can work it out.”

Beth smiled back, “I hope so too.”

She called Jolene later and gave her the telephone number to the house and the address so she would continue to forward her mail. Over the days that followed, Beth made herself at home on the gazebo where there was wrought ironwork patio furniture with cushions. Her books and magazines were spread out and the chess board was in front of her on a bench. Benny took care of business inside and often would sit at the breakfast nook just watching her. Every now and then, she’d call to him and he would go out and see what it was she wanted to show him, usually a weakness she found in one of the games. Then she turned her attention back to her study and he would go back inside. He would sometimes study himself, but since he wasn’t going to any tournaments until after the world championships, he didn’t do much of it, and wouldn't at least for almost a year. He didn’t intend to tell Beth yet.

***

The days and weeks passed without interruption. The papers started questioning where Beth was, wondering if she was lost, or maybe kidnapped by the Russians. Conspiracy theories started popping up all over the news; television, radio, magazines, newspapers, even the National Enquirer which put out a story that she had been abducted by aliens in a spaceship based in Antarctica. She still had a hefty number of American Express checks to use for expenses, so she never had to go out and risk withdrawing money from a bank. She and Benny would take drives around the countryside to have a break from the studying. He would drive them down to Suffolk county and they would tour the local beaches. One time they had a picnic on one of them and she was able to wear a bathing suit and lay in the sun. She really liked that spot and they managed to visit it a couple more times.

It was getting closer to the match. It was to be held in Buenos Aires this time. Benny called up the State Department and they arranged to have a limo ready for them. Benny would drive them back to New York City, and they would be picked up then and driven to the airport. It was likely the reporters would find out soon, so some escort/bodyguards were sent along to make sure they got on the plane okay. Just before they left, she received another bundle of mail from Jolene. Beth picked through the lot and found three letters from colleges. She didn’t have time to open them so she put them in her baggage.

The flight was uneventful. They were accompanied by two officials from the state department. On landing, an envoy from the embassy greeted them. They were taken by limo to the hotel, where they were given separate rooms. She unpacked and put her clothes away, tossing the letters onto the bed. There was a knock on the door and She let Benny in. He was going to accompany her downstairs for dinner. She sat down and opened up the letters one by one.

The first two had the usual denials, and had never heard of Paul Stanfield. The third letter was from Rutgers University. She opened it and started reading.

Benny heard her gasp and looked up at her. Her face was completely ashen with a look of such anxiousness he had never seen. Two tears streaked down from her face.

  
“Beth, what it is it?”

She didn’t hear him, just staring at the letter, which then dropped to the carpet from numb fingers. He picked it up and started reading.

“ _Dr. Paul Stanfield served on the faculty of Rutgers from 1952 until 1964 commuting from his home in Lexington, Kentucky, after which he retired. He continues to serve as a visiting professor part time, but has now returned full time to his family home. His address is on Polo Club Road.”_

Beth was shaking.

“He was there the whole time, less than twenty miles away. He lived less then twenty miles away...”, she whispered painfully, “He was there.....”

***

The next morning, she was very subdued. Instead of sleeping separately, Benny spent the night just holding her. Sex was out of the question. What made it worse was she couldn’t get any pills out of her baggage with Benny there and she was getting jittery. The seconds had negotiated the rest of the terms and the match was set to start the following day at 10AM. She spent the rest of the day in bed or sitting up, not doing anything but staring out the window. She could have taken the pills then, but she was so distraught about the news of her father, she decided she had to stop them. It was a mistake.

The match started on a bright sunny morning. She had dressed well and looked striking in long skirt and blouse. She let her hair hang loose in large curls. But Benny thought she didn’t look good.

“Are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine.”

She wasn’t. Lebedev played white and attacked with a Reti Opening. She was sluggish, unable to focus, and resigned after thirty-four moves. The next day she played white and could only manage a draw with a Queen’s Gambit Declined, closed variation that she should have won. That night when she was getting ready to go to bed, she called Benny over.

Looking anxious, she said, “Benny, please don’t get upset with me.”

She opened up her hand and showed him three pills.

  
Benny ducked his head and rubbed his palm down his face, looking anguished.

“ _Goddamn it, Beth!_ ”, he muttered. He looked up at her, “How long?”

“Since Palma.”

He mentally digested that.

“How many?”

“Three and a glass of wine, sometimes four, but that’s all, Benny. It’s not like I was taking ten of them all at once and drinking three bottles of wine like I used to. It’s just a few, and nothing else.”

He nodded soberly, “That’s still too many, Beth. Ray told me what the maximum dose is on that stuff. And you played the last two matches and Palma that way?”

“Yeah, but I was only on two pills then.”

“And you still won.”

“Yeah.”

“But you aren’t playing well now.”

“I wanted to try again to stop. I’ve had none for three days.”

“Why are you telling me now?”

“I used to be able to quit on my own. I was able to do that before Moscow.”

“Because Jolene helped you.”

She started crying and embraced him.

“I needed her then, and I need you now.”, she said, her voice breaking, “I can’t stop on my own, and certainly not during a match. Quitting so suddenly, I can’t do by myself, and it takes time. After the match, the championship will be six months away. I can stop then. But I can’t right now. Please, help me do this.”

He sighed deeply, “ Okay, Beth, okay. I’m not upset, much. I’m here for you. Are three enough?”

She nodded her head against his shoulder, “I think so. But I want you with me.”

“The news about your father is really upsetting you, isn’t it?”

She nodded her head.

“Why did he do it?”, she mumbled, “Was I really just trailer trash to him? Did he just use my mother and throw us away, never intending to take care of us? Was he ashamed to be seen with us? What did we or I could have done that was so wrong...?”

‘Wait a minute, Beth. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

He pulled back and held her by the arms.

"Come here."

He walked her to the mirror in the bathroom, standing behind her with his hands placed gently on her hips as they looked at themselves.

“Look. What do you see?”

She stared at her reflection, and shook her head.

"Just me. Benny, I don't see anything beautiful in that."

Benny softly kissed her neck, then grinned, “Beth, I used to be the best goddamn chess player in the world, better than even the Russians, and I was going to prove it. Oh, I wasn’t going to go after Borgov until I was ready. I’m young enough that I knew I could take my time doing it. But you beat me. Like I said, you’re the best there is."

He gently nestled his head on her shoulder.

"Look at yourself. You don’t need anyone’s approval to be as important, as precious, as wonderful, as loved as anyone deserves to be. You have the choice to be anything you want. If your father wasn't able to see that, it's his fault for being so stupidly blind to what an incredible woman you are. To me, you’re the most magnificent thing in the world I've ever seen, a work of art unrivaled by anybody or anything, and yes, you are a beautiful, gorgeous woman. You think you aren’t, but you are, and I can prove it.”

She smirked and reached down to hold on to his hands, taking them and folding them across her stomach, “I look like a bug-eyed freak.”

He grinned wider, chucking and shaking his head, "God, how can you think that? Your eyes are the most beautiful thing about you.”

She looked at him in the mirror, and gave him a smile, her eyes glistening.

“I’m glad you think so.”

“I’m telling you. I'm not the only one.”

She turned and looked deep into his eyes, still smiling. Nodding slightly, she gave him a long soft kiss.

"Thank you.", she murmured, still smiling.

"Please, let me have the pills, okay?", he asked.

She nodded 'yes'. He let her go and she went and retrieved the bottle of pills from her luggage. She took the three she already had taken out, filled her toothbrush cup with some water, and washed them down.

“I think I need just one small glass of wine, since I haven’t taken anything for three days. For the next five days, I won't increase the dose. I promise."

She gave the bottle of pills to him. He called and had a glass of wine brought up. She took small sips of it, savoring the taste as she hadn’t had any in so long. Then she finished it and handed the glass back to him. She got into bed, and he followed, embracing her in the crook of his arm as she laid her head on his shoulder and hugged him. She soon went to sleep. Benny watched her for awhile, making sure she was resting well, and it looked like she was, so he went to sleep too.

***

The morning of the third game, she came into the playing room looking like a new woman. She was rested, relaxed, her eyes sharply focused. Even with three pills, she had no after effects. She wore the poodle skirt and matching blouse, her hair done up with the bandana that looked so good on her. The change was noticeable. Lebedev opened with the Ruy Lopez, and she immediately slammed him back and closed the game out at twenty-eight moves. The Russians were in shock. After the first two games, they had been so upbeat. They had knocked down the unbeatable machine, were going to eliminate her and avenge the embarrassing defeats they had suffered. That night, Benny worked her down to two pills and would watch her take them and drink the one glass of wine. She wanted more, but he stopped her. They went to bed with her curling up next to him. She would sleep like the dead.

The next four games were just as devastating to the Russians as she won all of them decisively, taking the match 5½ to 1½. In the last game she stared at the ceiling for thirty minutes before unleashing the searing attack that sealed the victory. It was done. Now she had only Borgov in the way.

***

As they were flying back home, Beth sat comfortably on her window seat, just looking at the ocean, her legs tucked up under her. She was still troubled about her father. The shock of him being alive and living so close had worn off some, but it was still upsetting and she didn’t know what to do about it.

She felt so grateful toward Benny. He hadn’t judged her. He only helped. She thought back to the night she confessed to him she was on the pills again, remembering how he complimented her when they were looking in the mirror, and it made her happy. She smiled at the memory. Then she remembered him saying he could prove she was beautiful. She smiled at that thought too. But he said he had proof...

He was sitting next to her with his eyes closed getting some rest, and she turned to him.

“Benny?”

“Hmmm.”

“What did you mean when you said you could prove it?”

He cracked one eyelid open and stared at her.

“What?”

“When you said you could prove I was beautiful?”

He opened his eyes and took a breath considering his answer.

“Well, Mom thinks you’re beautiful”

She snorted slightly, “Well, she likes me. She might be a little biased.”

"I think you're beautiful."

"You are definitely biased."

“So do the guys.”

“Come on! They don’t count. How are you going to prove it?”

She was serious. He looked at her and had to laugh because she was being so literal again. But he did have an answer.

“Okay, so who counts?, he countered, “Somebody who doesn’t know you personally? Look, I wasn’t just commenting on your physical looks. I also mean your intelligence, your quiet manner, your personality, all of that.”

She smiled in appreciation, “Thank you. But I wouldn’t call that proof.”

He grinned at her, “Okay. How about this? You were offered $250,000.”

Her head jerked back, “ _What_?? From who? What could be worth that kind of money?”

“Before we left for Buenos Aires, I got a call from a magazine editor with the offer.”

“A magazine? They want to do an article on me? For that much money?”, she said excitedly.

Still grinning, he said, “Yep. The magazine wants to do a full layout spread of you.”

“A layout spread? What do you mean by that? What magazine?”, she hurriedly asked.

He grinned wider, “ _Playboy_.”

The shock on her face was worth it and he began to laugh long and slow.

_“Playboy??_ And they want me to do what exactly?”

“A full layout spread.....nude..... plus centerfold."

Her mouth got even wider, and he couldn’t keep from laughing even more.

_“Are you serious??_ ”

“Yeah! Hugh Hefner personally called me!"

Beth brought her hand up and covered her mouth as her cheeks turned redder than he had ever seen them.

“Oh my God...’, she said quietly, “What did you tell him?”

"I told him for that kind of money, of course you'd do it."

 _"Benny! You did not! Did you??", s_ he cried out, horrified.

“No! No! I'm kidding!", he said laughing harder, "I told him I’d ask you.”

He was still laughing as she considered the offer.

“$250,000?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s a lot of money.”

“Yep.”

“Do you think I should do it?”, she asked quietly as she bit her lower lip, looking deep in thought and gazing into his eyes.

Benny lost his smile, “Wait a minute, are you really thinking about doing it?”

It was her turn to smile, “Uh............. _Noooo!!_ ” 

Which made them laugh even harder.

He said, “See? That’s my proof.”

She was still smiling when they landed.


	10. Chapter 10

The match for the world chess championship was set for May 1972. That was six months away. As with the flight coming out, their plane trip back from the Buenos Aires match was not advertised. The state department helped get them through the airport to a waiting limousine which took them to a federal building in the city. The feds had taken the liberty of bringing Benny’s Beetle there and they took off from there to Oakdale without anyone getting wind of them being back. Benny just hoped some government or airline employee didn’t get greedy and sell the information for a quick buck, and so far they remained undiscovered. But the reporters were getting more aggressive. She was all over the news now.

Beth had taken up residence in the back yard gazebo again and gotten back into her routine, The Italians had a nickname for her, “ _La Machineta_ ”. They were right. She was a machine. She followed an established pattern of review, study, reading, and playing that never varied. Her discipline in this respect was rigid. Benny took up his vigilance inside the house as usual and handled the phone calls and other business. As she promised, she stopped taking the pills. The first two weeks were rough, but Benny slept beside her each night, holding her. Sometimes it took hours for her to get to sleep, but he remained patient. There was no thought of having sex.

Once she was able to sleep on her own, he retreated to his own bedroom. She was doing well, but she often seemed rather melancholy to him. He wasn’t sure why, wondering if she was getting more anxious without the pills.

Sometimes he would find her just staring at the back fence. One day he took some tea out to her and stood there, asking, “What are you thinking?”

She kept staring at the back fence, then said, “I was trying to remember when I was living with my mom, trying to understand things. I was wondering why did my father suddenly disappeared like he did.”

“Why does it bother you so much? It’s not your fault.”

She shook her head, “Look, I know I shouldn’t let it bother me, but I can’t help it. There has to be some reason. Was it something about me?”

He came over, sat beside her, and held her hands, “No, Beth. There is no reason that involves you. You couldn’t have ever forced him to do what he did. He left you all on his own.”

She looked at him, “It’s still so confusing. I just want... I need to figure it out.”

Not knowing what to say, he continued to hold her hands until she said she was ready to return to studying. But she still would have these times she just stared at the back wall.

A week later, late one afternoon, he found her crying silently. He didn’t say anything, just went and held her for a while, letting her sink into his arms. It was still light, but he took her back upstairs and put her to bed. This worried him because she seemed to be more stressed out the last few weeks. He tried to get her to talk about it, but she wouldn’t. Not wanting to press her too hard, he didn't push her to open up, but it was clear she was getting more depressed. He wasn't sure what to do and considered calling Dr. Feinstein for assistance. But then he held off as she seemed to get better shortly after, calming down and looking less agitated, or so it seemed...

***

Three months before the championship, early one morning, Benny woke up and put on his pants. He went to wake Beth up, but she wasn’t in her bedroom. He was surprised because he usually woke up before she did. He looked around, calling her name, but she didn’t answer. He went downstairs. She wasn’t in the back yard either. His mother came into the kitchen.

“Mom, have you seen Beth?”

“No. I thought she'd still be in bed.”

Benny started to worry. He looked through the house and didn’t find her. Then he went outside and found his car gone.

‘Shit!’, he thought.

Going inside, he went back upstairs and looked for the bottle of pills. They weren’t where he put them. He cursed himself for not hiding them better. He went back downstairs.

“Mom, do you know where the nearest place to buy liquor is that's open?”

“That would be Jerry’s on the town square.”

“Can I borrow your car?”

“What’s wrong with yours?”

“Beth took it.”

“What? I thought she couldn’t drive.”

“She doesn’t have a license, but she’s watched me do it enough to grasp the fundamentals.”

She gave him the keys and he drove over to the liquor store.

Inside he asked the counter clerk, “Have you seen a girl, about twenty-one, long red hair, come in here today.”

He shook his head, “I can’t say that I have....”

“She would have used her passport as identification.”

“Oh, her!”, he exclaimed, “Yeah, she had a cap on so I didn’t see her hair. She was in pajamas too. Now that I think about it, that was weird. She bought a lot of stuff. Five bottles of Merlot, a fifth of vodka. She looked like she was going to have a party.”

“What do you mean?”

“She was already kind of loopy.”

“When was she in here?”

“Shoot, at closing time last night? Maybe nine hours ago?”

Benny became anguished, “Did she say anything about what she was going to do?”

“No....”, he replied, “She did mumble a lot. Was saying something about her father, I think.”

“Anything else? Like where she was going?”, Benny pleaded.

The clerk shook his head, “Nowhere specific. She did mention the beach.”

Benny knew exactly what that meant.

“Thanks!”

Benny ran out of the store and headed for the beach where they had the picnic. He just hoped he was right.

***

It took Benny two hours to find the Beetle. It had been run into a tree. She must have been going slow because the damage was not bad. The road was a fairly deserted one, and nobody used it this time of morning so he wasn’t surprised that no one had found the car yet. He looked inside and found the keys on the floor pan. He turned the engine over and it fired up, then was able to back it out. He found it could still be driven. He parked it again so that nobody would just come along and tow it, then got back in his mother’s car. Slowly, he went down the road and came upon a lone figure sitting in the surf, a blanket on the beach with some grocery bags on it. There were already two empty wine bottles thrown out on the sand. He parked and walked up to her.

She was dressed only in her pajamas, now completely soaked. Her hair was a bedraggled tangled mess, sand matting down the wet tresses, stands of them over her face. The coat she had worn had been thrown onto the blanket. She was sitting cross legged in the surf, and the waves came up to her knees. She was shivering from the cold.

He touched her shoulder and said, “Beth...”

She slowly looked at him, her eyes completely glazed over, before looking back out over the ocean.

“Leave me alone...”, she muttered in an aching voice.

  
“Beth....”

He reached out to her.

“ _I said leave me alone!_ ”, she screamed at him, throwing her arms around to break his grip.

She began to stand and stumbled as she did, falling to her knees.

“Beth, let me help you.”

She turned suddenly, slapping his hands away, her face contracted in rage.

“I don’t want your help, _goddamn it_! Get away from me! You bastards are alike! All you.... _you other people!", s_ he screamed _, "You_ try to control me! Make me only care for things only you care about! Not what I care about! My father abandoned me, abandoned my mother! I've learned to live by myself just fine, all right? Momma was right! It's the only safe way!"

She managed to get up and struck out at him, missing and barely able to keep her feet.

"And you!", she screamed again, "You just want sex! That’s what you are, you know! The original chess bum, aren't you? _You goddamn motherfucker!_ The one who’s fucked every girl he ever met! You’re just using me to get what you want! Aren't you? You fuck me, fuck every other girl you come across, fuck them in your own mother's house like it was a bordello! Use me like some ignorant puppet you can parade around like a trained monkey! Then you take the money and just put me back in my cage! Chess! Without me you couldn’t do it, could you? Always, _always trying to control me_! I’m just some toy for you to use and throw away!”

“Beth! Please!”

She pushed him away violently when he approached her again, then looked back out to the ocean.

" No more, damnit! You aren't in control. I am! _And that’s it! Goddamn it! I’ve had it!_ ”

She began to walk out into the surf.

“Beth! No!”

Benny stepped in and physically grabbed her from behind, picking her up out the water. She screamed and fought him, wildly swinging her arms and pumping her legs, then she tried to hit him with her fists. It was difficult for him, but as drunk as she was she couldn’t break his hold. When she tired out, she broke down and started sobbing uncontrollably, still screaming at him to let her go. He carried her back to the car. On the way, he saw the pill bottle on the sand. It was empty and his stomach sank. There had to have been thirty pills in there at least.

He put her in the passenger seat. By this time, she had become sleepier and was almost out of it, barely conscious. Benny drove the car as fast as he could and found a pay phone. She was barely moving then, quietly mumbling to herself. He called up his mother.

“Mom. I found her.”

She heard the desperation in his voice.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s a long story, but she needs a doctor right now.”

"How bad?"

"Mom, I think she could die."

He heard her gasp.

“Son, the hospital is your best bet.”

“No! If she’s recognized, this will go really bad for her. What about Dr. Talbott? Can we trust him?”

She didn’t answer immediately, then, “I think so. I’ll call him. Get her there as soon as you can. I’ll tell him we need this to be anonymous.”

“Thanks!”

He got back in the car and drove as fast as he could without speeding enough to be noticed. It would be just as bad if a cop stopped them. When he got there, he went around to the passenger side and picked her up out of the seat. As he went to the door, it opened and a nurse came out to help. They got her into the clinic and onto an examining table. She started to moan slightly as Dr. Talbott joined them.

“Hello, Benny. What’s going on?”

“Hi, Doc. She’s overdosed. Drunk, too.”

“What’d she take?”

“Librium, about thirty pills.”

“What strength?”

“Uh, fifty milligrams.”

“That’s a gram and a half. That’s a lethal dose. How long ago?”

“I’m not sure. Sometime in the last couple of hours, I think, otherwise I don’t think she would be conscious.”

“I think you’re right. We’ll need to empty her stomach.”

He turned to his nurse and told her what he needed. She pulled out a rubber tube sealed in a sterile wrapper next to a giant autoclave machine and waited. Dr. Talbott pulled some latex gloves on and took the tube, unwrapping it. It seemed awful big to Benny, about an inch in diameter.

“You need to put her on her left side.", Dr. Talbott said, "Then hold her. She isn’t going to like this.”

Benny turned her over and held tight. She was no longer responsive, only slightly moaning. The doctor pulled her chin away from her chest, then managed to open her mouth and slowly insert the tube. She began to gag and fought him. But she was too far out of it. He managed to slip the tube in a little further.

“Good! Got it.”, tilting her head further up from her chest as he passed the tube further down. Suddenly she began to heave and her stomach contents poured out through the tube into a waiting stainless steel pan. They could see some empty capsule halves, but also a lot of intact capsules. She continued to heave until nothing was coming out of the tube. Then Dr. Talbott took about a pint of saline the nurse prepared and poured it down the tube into her stomach. It made Beth retch again, the water pouring back out. After doing it twice, the liquid came out nearly clear.

“I think we got almost all of it.", he said, "She must have just taken the pills just when you got to her.”

“Will she be okay?”

“ I think so. If I don’t miss my guess, you got about twenty intact capsules. She hasn’t had time to fully absorb the others. It’s manageable, provided your original count is right.”

Benny nodded, "I'm sure." A wave of relief washed through him, and he stopped hyperventilating.

The doctor looked at him sternly, “Son, I’m only doing this because your mother asked me. I will keep her records anonymous. But I want to know who she is if I’m going to take this risk.”

“Doc, nobody can know. It could ruin her.”

“I understand.”

“She’s Elizabeth Harmon.”

He squinted at him momentarily, “Where have I heard......Oh, yes, the chess queen. I think she’s marvelous. But how do you know her?

“I’m her second for the matches. We’ve been hiding out here to get away from all the reporters.”

“I see. Has she done this before?”

“No, Doc, not like this. I mean, yeah, she has an addiction problem, but she had been handling it well until now. I’ve been getting her to talk to a psychologist too. She has a history in that her mother was an addict too, had some pretty bad psychiatric problems, and Beth’s had a pretty traumatic life because of that. That’s all I can tell you.”

“I’m sorry to hear it. Who is seeing her?”

Uh........Dr. Feinstein in New York.”

His eyebrows lifted at that.

“Well, you can’t get much better than that. You need to get her back to him ASAP, and she should be admitted to a psych ward, but I'll let you handle it. Can I trust you to do that?"

Benny nodded, "I'll be responsible for her."

"Good. Who’s prescribing the Librium?”

“Well, no one. She’s not supposed to be taking them.”

“Where did she get them?”

“Hell, I don’t know.”

“Okay, Benny. You can be sure nobody in this office is going to say anything to anybody. But I need to watch her here for a day or so. I’ll get an IV in her and give her some fluids and treat her withdrawal symptomatically. She will withdraw from the alcohol probably, but the Librium actually helps to control that, though we usually use another closely related drug. I have enough of that in stock if needed. I must warn you, though, if her breathing starts to go or If she becomes unstable, I will send her to the hospital regardless. You understand?"

Benny nodded, "Got it."

"Good. If she does well, you can come back tomorrow and pick her up.”

“Please, Doc. Let me stay with her.”

He didn’t look too happy with that, but gave in, “Okay, we’ll put her in the back exam room. Just keep quiet. I do have my clinic today. We have blankets and pillows there to make you both comfortable.”

Dr. Talbott gently pulled out the tube, then the nurse removed her soaked pajamas and underwear. She took a towel and dried her off, then put one of their cloth exam gowns on, tying it down well to cover her. Benny called his mother and told him what he was going to do, and that Beth would be okay. She was relieved Beth was all right, and told him to bring her back in the morning when he could. He picked her up and carried her to the back examination room. The nurse had already prepared the examination table there with some blankets and he gently laid her down. A pillow was slipped under her head and more blankets were piled on top.

Later on, the nurse came back in and started an IV, beginning a slow drip of fluid into her arm. She looked more comfortable now, breathing steadily. He gathered some blankets and sat up in a chair, keeping watch. The nurse brought in a cart with a device on it that had a screen which would monitor her heart rate. The nurse applied a few sticky pads to Beth's chest and soon a tracing was seen on the screen with a steady chirp sounding with each heart beat.

It was about sixteen hours later when he woke to her softly moaning. He got up and went to her side as she slowly opened her eyes, blinking them to be able to see. She looked up and saw him.

“Benny?”, she whispered.

He had to smile, “Hi.”

“Where am I?”

“You’re in a doctor’s office. My mother’s regular doctor out here in Oakdale. I’ve been his patient too, sometimes.”

She swallowed painfully.

“Why is my throat so sore?”, she croaked.

“We had to empty your stomach. The doc put a tube down your throat and you upchucked everything.”

She thought about that, then became anguished, “Oh, God, Benny, The reporters are going to find out...”

“No, they’re not. Mother asked a favor of the doc. You’re here anonymously. He’s promised not to tell anybody.”

  
She slowly turned over onto her back trying to get comfortable.

“Can you get this thing up?”

He raised the head of the exam table up to about forty five degrees.

“What do you remember?”

She looked miserable, having closed her eyes and with her hands over them. She opened them up and gazed at him.

“Everything...”, she croaked again.

He pulled his chair up and sat beside her.

“Beth, I’m not mad. I just want to listen. Will you tell me why?.....Please?”

She just stared until she closed her eyes tight again and cried silently, the tears flooding out.

“I’m sorry, Benny. I’m so sorry...’, she gasped softly, “I didn’t know what to do. It was too much to take. I....”

“What was?”

"My father......"

"What, Beth?"

“I........I dialed information and got my father’s number. I called him. When he answered, I heard his voice, and.......and I.......”

She began to break down again and he got up and took her into his arms as she buried her head into him, sobbing quietly.

“Oh, God.......!”, she moaned..

“It’s okay, Beth. It’s okay. There’s no problem here. You have nothing to be sorry about. Don’t worry about that. We can talk about it later.”

She just held on to him until she had cried herself out, starting to drift back off to sleep. He laid her back down and covered her up. It was about one in the morning. Around seven, Dr. Talbott came in and looked her over, saying that she looked much better and that she could go home.

He called and asked his mother to see if her mechanic could go out and recover the Beetle. The nurse pulled the IV and he picked Beth up, gently wrapping a blanket around her, then putting her into his mother’s car. He drove her to the house. Evelyn opened the front door as Benny helped Beth walk slowly up to it. At the stairs, he picked her up again and took her to her room and put her to bed. Benny pulled a fresh pair of underwear and a set of pajamas out of the dresser, took off the medical gown and dressed her, then slid her under the covers to make her as comfortable as he could. Once she was able to get her head on the pillow, she tucked herself in and went immediately to sleep.

Later that day he brought up some soup and gently woke her. She still didn’t feel good, but was able to sit up and slowly eat the soup. She did pretty well and got most of it down. He took the bowl and was heading out when she spoke.

“Benny?...”

He turned and looked at the pleading in her eyes. He set the bowl and silverware on the night stand and sat down on the bed beside her.

“Are you okay?”, he asked.

“I think I will be.”

Do you want to talk about it?”

She looked undecided but then started.

“I couldn't stop thinking about my father. It kept bothering me until it got to the point I couldn’t concentrate on chess. I had to know why. So I got his phone number from information, and called him up. He answered it saying, ‘This is Paul Stanfield’...”

Her face began to scrunch up in pain.

“I couldn't say anything. He sounded so calm and, and happy. And I.......I couldn't understand how he could be so happy when he was the one who left us? It had to be me. I was to blame. If I hadn’t been born, none of this would have happened. If I hadn’t have been such a burden on my mother, he would have married her....”

“Beth, stop. You’re talking nonsense. You are not to blame here.”

“How could it not? It had to be me.....”

“No, Beth. Sometimes there’s nothing or no one to blame. Things just happen.”

“That’s not true here. I know it. There's got to be a reason....”

“ _Then if there is any blame to be had here, it’s his!_ ”, he yelled, frustrated.

She said nothing, just staring at him.

“Were you trying to kill yourself?”, he asked softly.

  
“What?...”, she asked, surprised, “No! I just took the pills because I needed them. I needed to just not feel anything.”

"Do you know how many you took?"

She stared, confused, "No......."

"All of them."

She could only stare, "I didn't mean to......"

"Even when you tried to walk into the ocean?"

"I......I did?........ Oh, I did...."

She couldn't deny it.

“You nearly died.”

She looked up at him again, alarmed, whispering, "I know."

“Beth, don’t you _ever_ do that to me again! You understand? _Never!_ "

Her lips thinned out and she bit down on them, nodding.

“I’m so sorry.”, she whispered again, more tears coming down.

“We’re okay. You’re going to be fine. Nobody knows what happened. We just need to put this behind us.”

She nodded, “I still have to play for the championship.”

He looked sternly at her.

“No, Beth. I don’t care about that. Not if this is the cost. I want you happy. I want you safe. I want you well. If cancelling the whole thing is what we need to do to make sure you're all right, then that’s what we’ll do.”

She reached and grabbed his hand in hers.

She said, “ How did you know where I was? What..... What made you come find me?"

Now he was just pissed off.

“ _Damnit, Beth. How long is it going to take before you understand how much I love you?_ ”

She was struck mute, gazing at him with stunned eyes. He could see it had never entered her mind.

“Get some more rest, Beth.”, he said, “When you’re ready, we can talk more about it.”

***

She remained in bed for two days, slowly regaining her strength. Her meals were brought up to her by Benny or his mother. On the third day, she got dressed and came down to the kitchen, where she ate breakfast with them. After that she said she felt strong enough to go back out and resume her studying. Later that morning, he brought her coffee and as he was leaving, she asked him to stay.

" I want to apologize."

"Beth, there's no need."

"Yes, there is. Please, just listen."

He didn't reply, just sitting down and looking at her, waiting.

"I........never liked depending on anybody, you know.", she said softly, "You're kind of an exception, because I don't really mind you doing things for me all that much, but still I just rather do things myself."

"Because if you do things yourself, you're able to be alone."

She nodded.

"Yes, I can be independent that way. It usually bothers me some when someone else makes decisions that affect me. That's why I said those things. It was wrong, I know. And I know that you've been with a lot of women, but that's none of my business."

"But it bothers you."

She became a little embarrassed, "Because....well....I don't know as much as you do about.....about doing things in bed, you know."

Benny had to laugh, "What you know and don't know about that isn't important at all. But, Jesus, you made it sound like I took every single woman I ever met to bed. I wasn't _that_ bad."

She smiled, a little relieved, "Sorry. I shouldn't have said it that way."

"It's okay. And by the way, you are perfectly fine in the bedroom now."

"Thank you.", she said smiling again, and then looked serious, "But there's the more important thing."

"Yes?"

She was silent as she worked up her courage, but finally got it out.

“Benny. You say you love me. I can see you do. All the things you've done for me....the sacrifices you've made for me. I can see it. But I can’t make a commitment like that. I can’t do that and play chess like I need to. It’s not right for you either, and......and I don't know what it means......what it means to love someone."

Benny nodded his head, his look serene, “Beth, I’m not expecting anything in return from you. We’ve done all right, the way we’re doing it here.”, he replied, “As long as you do your studying away from me, it works for you. We can be together the rest of the time.”

She looked uncomfortable, “Benny, I can’t.....”

“It’s all right, Beth. I’m not asking you for anything. If you can’t make a commitment, I understand. I’m not asking you to have the same feelings for me that I have for you. I just want to make sure you are all right, and for you to be able to win. That’s all. After that, if you need to be on your own, I understand.”

She gazed at him, unsure, unable to answer.

He smiled, “It’s okay. Don’t worry about any of this. Just concentrate on the chess.”

He took the coffee cup back into the kitchen and sat back down at the kitchen table.

She kept looking at him for awhile, deep in thought, before turning back to her studying.

***

Over the next few weeks, she was able to get to sleep better and longer. There were times when she would ask Benny to just hold her until she went to sleep, but soon was able to do it on her own again. She found her mind sharpening up too. When she took breaks from her studying, she often just sat in the garden and enjoyed the flowers, watching the hummingbirds and bees scurry among them. Benny would bring her tea or coffee and join her for time until she had to get back to studying, and then he would retreat back to the house.

In March, seven weeks before the championship, she approached him.

“I’ve been thinking. Benny, Will you do something for me.”

“Sure.”, he said easily, “What is it?”

“I want you to go with me to Lexington.”

“What for?” 

“I’m going to see my father.”

Benny went mute, stunned and staring at her.

“Uh.....Beth. I don’t think that’s a good idea, especially right before the match. Why are you thinking about that now? You should just let it go. Forget it. Every time you dredge that up, it upsets you.”

“You’re right.”, she said, “But I’ve tried to do that. I just can’t. I have to know why. I need to know why.....please.”

He looked at her. He wasn’t going to argue as he could see how set she was on this.

“Are you sure?”

She nodded slowly.

“I still don’t think it’s a good idea, but I’ll make the arrangements.”

Two days later they flew out under assumed names and landed at Blue Grass airport. Thankfully, Benny was able to rent a car. Since he had to show his drivers license, he had to use his real name. Fortunately, the Hertz representative knew nothing about chess and did not recognize either of them. On the way out of the airport to get the car, she found a phone book in a pay phone booth and looked up the Stanfield address on Polo Club Road. They took highway 60 into town, turning right on New Circle Road.

As they drove, they approached a bridge and she suddenly began to breathe deep, eyes wide.

“Benny! Slow down! Stop here!”

“What?” he asked confused, “What is it?”

“This is....It was here!.....”

He slowed down and stopped just before the bridge. She jumped out of the car. Benny stepped out and followed her. She was searching, remembering. The crash was coming back to her, and as she did, images were dredged up from her memory which she thought she had forgotten. The bridge had been expanded to two lanes, but Beth recognized it.

“This is where it happened, Benny. This is where my mother died.”, she said quietly.

He didn’t reply, just staying near her as she looked around, her eyes watering up. She said nothing more and after several minutes, she walked back to the car. Benny followed. They got in and he started it up.

She stared straight ahead as he put the gear into drive.

“Are you okay?”, he asked.

She closed her eyes and nodded, “Yeah. I wanted to remember..... Let’s go.”

He kept on driving around New Circle Road until they got to the east part of town. He reached the exit to get to Polo Club Road and they slowly went down it looking for the address.

They found the house, and Beth couldn’t believe her eyes. A torrent of emotion was washing through her as she finally realized where she was. They had stopped on the road opposite the house, a mansion with an antebellum look to it. It was the same house........the same house. And now she knew the man her mother talked to just before she died was her father. Benny didn’t like how she looked, a haunted, scared expression in her eyes.

“Beth, what is it? What’s wrong.”

She stared past him out the window as the tears came again and she couldn’t stop them.

“Beth....Beth...”, he said as he scooted over and took her in his arms, “What is it?”

She remembered.....

“ _Mama, who was that?”_

_“A mistake.....a rounding error. It’s just a problem I have to solve.”_

_“What problem?”_

_“What I do with you!”_

She didn’t understand then, but as she focused on the last words she realized what had happened. The car was going faster.

_“Mama?”_

_“Close your eyes....”_

As an eight year old girl, all she knew was that the crash had been an accident. She didn’t want to dwell on it afterward because it was so painful, but now she visualized the events of that day again through the eyes of an adult.

There was only one other time she had thought about this, before the championship game with Borgov at the Invitational. She remembered that her mother had sped up in the car. She had glimpsed the truck coming down the road toward them. She knew her mother drove straight at it. It was then she realized her mother committed suicide. That wasn’t her fault after all, and it angered her. She wasn't going to let that or anything else get in her way to achieve her goal, winning the tournament, and she had decided then and there she was never going to let the pills control her like they did her mother.

That’s why she was able to throw away the pills then, even though that anger didn't last long. She was thankful Townes was there, because she probably would have gotten some more from the hotel concierge and taken them. But as she looked back into her memory through adult eyes, she understood something else that had never entered her mind before.

Yes, her mother committed suicide. But she said “ _Close your eyes_ ”. 

_'She tried to kill me too.'_ , she thought.

She held on to Benny tightly, her head buried into his shoulder as that realization shattered her.

She whispered, “Go, Benny. Please, just go....”

He gently released her and got behind the wheel again, putting it into gear and driving off.

She took deep breaths as he went along the highway, sobbing along the way, slowly getting herself back together.

When she was able to stop crying, she said, “Let’s find someplace to stop.”

He glanced at her briefly, then looked down the road. He found a diner about a couple of miles later and pulled in. They went inside and sat down in a booth. He ordered coffee for both of them.

She stared out the window for a long time, her face a blank with that stoic sign of complete withdrawal from the world he knew well.

“Beth, talk to me.”, he finally said.

She looked at him, her face calmer, her tears dried.

“I always thought the car crash that killed my mother was an accident. But in Moscow, I realized it was intentional. I knew then it wasn’t her fault or my fault. She committed suicide because of her illness. She committed suicide, and I just now figured out she tried to take me with her. She intended both of us to die."

Her face hardened, "A _nd my father is to blame for that._ ”

He was in pain for her, silent as he didn’t know what to say. He reached across and held her hands in his.

“I didn’t understand how ill she was.”, she rambled on, “She must have thought this was her only way out. She was stuck, just like Alma was stuck. She didn’t think she had a choice. She had always warned me that I would eventually be alone in the world and that I had to learn to take care of myself, but I think at the last she didn’t want me to suffer or to be alone. She wanted me with her always.”

He held on to her hands and looked into her eyes.

He nodded understanding, “I get it. She was very sick, Beth. She wasn’t able to help herself.”

She simply gazed back at him for several moments, then said, “I know. I thought for so long I was somehow to blame. But I get it now.”

She stared out the window, her look hardening again, “Take me back, Benny. Before, I didn’t know what to say. I do now.”

Benny didn’t like what she was thinking, “Wait a minute. You can’t go and see him like this.”

“Yes, I can. And I will, Benny, with or without you.”

Surprised by her determination, he looked defeated, “Are you sure, Beth. You can’t go off half-cocked, making a scene. It’ll only hurt you more. Believe me, I know something about that.”

“I understand. I only want answers. That’s all. I can handle it. You’ll be there to make sure I do, okay?”

His lips pressed into a line as he nodded once. He paid for the coffee. They got back into the car and drove back to the house. Beth pulled her compact out of her purse and fixed her face so nobody could see she had been crying.

***

She rung the doorbell and it was soon answered by a middle-aged brown haired woman.

“May I help you?”

“Mrs. Stanfield?”

“Yes.”

"My name is....Beth Watts. I’ve come to speak to your husband about some private matters. Private matters concerning events at Cornell University.”

She looked puzzled, “Cornell? What are you talking about?”

“I’m sorry ma’am. I can only discuss this with him.”

“Were you one of his students? No, you're too young."

She shook her head ‘no’, “I’m sorry. I can’t say more.”

She looked wary, but said, “Okay. Come on into the library. My husband is out in the back yard. I’ll go get him.”

She led them to a well furbished room with large bookcases built into the walls, full of books, pictures, and knickknacks. A large oak desk filled one side of the room. Mementos were everywhere. There were chairs and curiously, a small table with a wooden chess set on it. She stared at it as Benny looked around, noting some pictures on the wall, one of them a wedding photo of the Stanfields. A date on it said, “September 4, 1952.” Benny called her over and had her look at it.

About then, Paul Stanfield walked in, smiling. He was a man of medium height, balding heavily in the front with hair that was peppered with grey. She could barely match him with the image in her memory from the past...

“Hello. I’m Paul Stanfield. You said your name is Miss Watts?”

Beth shook hands with him and nodded.

“Do I know you? You look familiar, but I can't place it.....”

“No, sir. I don't believe we've actually met. But I have some very private matters I need to discuss with you."

He frowned, “If this is about my tenure at Cornell, I can’t think of anything that would be of concern. Are you with the dean’s office?”

She slowly shook her head again, then looked over to the chess board.

“I noticed the chess set. It’s beautiful. Do you play?”

“Oh, no.”, he said with a chuckle, “I have no interest in the game, don’t know how to play. My son Chris is the chess nut. He loves the heck out of it. He’s first board on his high school team.”

Beth remembered what the man said so long ago...

“ _Janet, take Christopher and go back into the house!_ ”

‘The two year old toddler in his mother’s arms.’, she remembered. He would be a teenager now.

“That’s very nice.”, she said with a smile.

' _I have a brother! I have a brother....'_

“What I need to discuss with you is someone you knew when you were at Cornell. Her name was—.”

The door suddenly opened and a sixteen year old boy came in saying, “Hey, Dad. Can I have the car tonight? Me and the guys are going—...”

He stopped dead in his tracks, just staring at Beth.

“Oh Lord!”, he exclaimed, smiling excitedly, “ _Beth Harmon? What are you doing here?_ ”

Paul Stanfield’s face drained whiter than his shirt. Beth looked at her brother. She smiled, drinking in the joy of seeing him for the first time.

“I’m here to discuss some business with your father, Chris.”, she said.

“Can you stay? I’d love to talk to you! Would you play chess with me?”

The adoration was shining from his face.

“I’d love to. But I have to speak with your father first privately. Then we’ll see.”

“Cool!”

“If you will close the door behind you...”

“Oh, sure. Hope to see you later then.”

He backed out and the door shut. She could hear him run down the hall and shout, “Mom! You’ll never believe who’s here!”

Paul had gone mute in surprise, but now found his voice.

“ _Get out! You can’t be here!_ ”, he hissed, “You have to leave!”

She stared him down.

“No. Not before we talk.", she replied sternly, "There’s something I need to know.”

“You can’t endanger my family like this! You have to go! _Now_!”, he said even more forcefully, advancing on her as if he wanted to push her out the door.

He stopped abruptly when Benny stepped between them, warning with a growl, "Don't touch her!"

"I'll call the police!", he fired back.

“No, you won't.”, retorted Beth, “If I leave, I'll call a press conference to announce I found my long lost father. It will be front page news everywhere. Obviously, you haven't told your family about me. Is that how you want them to find out why you didn't raise me?"

He went mute, frozen to inaction and breathing heavily.

“What......what do you want? I thought you were dead. I thought you both died in that crash.”

Beth’s eyebrows lifted slightly, “Really? Then I suppose all of those anonymous donations to the Methuen Home for Girls were just out of the goodness of your heart? _Don’t!_ _Lie!_ You knew I survived the crash!”

His eyes opened in shock.

“How did you find out?”

“Does it matter?”

Paul gradually lowered himself into a chair. Beth and Benny followed suit onto a divan next to a window.

“What is it that you want?”, he asked in a tense voice.

Her face twisted briefly in anger, but she controlled it.

“ _Why?_ ”, she whispered painfully.

He frowned at her, “What......?”

She shouted in a anguished voice, “ _Why did you leave me in that goddamn orphanage??_ ”

He looked exasperated, “Lizzie....”

“ _Don’t call me that!_ ”, she snapped, “Don’t you _dare_ call me that! You don’t have the right anymore! My name is Beth!”

He was taken aback momentarily, then said, “Beth...... I tried to do the best I could with your mother.”

“Were you ever going to marry her?”

“We had discussed it, but then she got pregnant and... and.... You have to understand my position at the university was dependent on my reputation......”

Her face went white with rage.

“Reputation?”, she hissed back at him, _“REPUTATION??..._ ”

“Please, Beth, you have to understand. If it became known that I....that I—”

”—that you knocked up a fellow faculty member? That you seduced her?”

“ It wasn’t like that!”

“Really? She becomes pregnant and you still wouldn’t marry her? Was it because you were already involved with your wife at that time?”

“No! I met Janet later, after your mother disappeared with you.”

" _Why didn't you marry her?_ "

" _Because I wasn't in love with her!_ ", he yelled back.

She just stared at him, even more enraged, "When did you tell her?...."

He gulped, took a deep breath, "Just.......just after you were born..."

She wanted to kill him. 

"Just before she got sick," she muttered, "You son of a bitch...."

His face was agonized as he tried to explain, “Damnit! I tried to do what I could! I provided for her and you! Made sure you had enough money for what you needed.”

“Out of guilt? Or were you just paying her to be quiet, since she was the one who lost her job?”

He paused again, “Please, Li—, Beth. I tried. When your mother got sick, she just went crazy. She disappeared, went back to Kentucky, running around and hiding both of you in that goddamn trailer! I spent three years tracking her down! Every time I found you both, she would just disappear again. She was so lost in her delusions and paranoia. I tried to get her to come back to New York or at least get help here. I put her in touch with doctors in town. But she hardly ever went, and never followed their advice.

"It was those damn ECT treatments she got! She was never the same after those. They only made her worse. But I had since met Janet and gotten married, we had Chris, and I had to think of them too. I had no choice but to leave...”

“...you mean abandon her? Even when she came back five years later? I was there! I watched you from the back seat of the car!"

He looked desperate, “Please. I had no choice. My family. My reputation...”

She glared at him, shaking with rage.

“ _Your_ family?..... So we weren't family? Not my mother or even me?..... And you think I should give a damn about your _fucking reputation_?”, she said with an icy tone, “Do you even know how the accident occurred, or why?”

He blinked, not understanding, “I....I read that the truck tried to get through the one lane bridge before your mother’s car reached it, but didn’t make it in time.”

“Oh, I’m sure that’s what the papers said. But it’s not true.”

“What do you mean?”

“It was intentional. She rammed that truck on purpose. She committed suicide. _She committed suicide just after you threw her out!_ ”

She didn’t think his face could show more shock, but it did.

She continued, “ _And she intended for me to die with her_!”

His eyes darted around the room, not wanting to look at her.

“You knew I was alive. You didn’t claim me, your own daughter.”, she said calmly, but the tears were coming, “You left me to rot in that hell hole! _Less than twenty miles from you!_ "

“I’m sorry, Beth.”, he whispered desperately, “I’m sorry. Please. I never meant to hurt either of you! Do you need anything? Do you need money?”

“ _I didn’t come here for money, damn you!_ ”, she snapped again, starting to rise up from the divan, “No! I lived all my life worrying about what it was I did to make you abandon us! But it was you! All you! I want to hear from your own lips why you were such a _fucking coward_! Why you had no concern or feeling—!“

Benny had reached up and put a hand on her shoulder. She abruptly stopped as two tears tracked down her face. She was about to lose it, and she knew she couldn’t. She wanted nothing more than to just beat him into bloody pulp with her fists. Instead, she took a moment, sat back down, then continued calmly.

“You denied me a chance to grow up with a family, people who would love me, that I could love back. You denied me the chance to get to know a brother I didn’t even know existed until today, condemned me to live in that...in that god forsaken place. You took that away from me....all because of your damned reputation, your....... goddamned _vanity!_ ”

He swallowed hard, having nothing he could say.

“What about my mother’s family? Where are they?”

“She....she never told you?”

“No.”

“She originally was from Connecticut. I understand her family disowned her when she became pregnant.”

"I only know that she came ‘from money’ as she put it. That’s all she said about you too, and that things were ‘complicated’. I want their address."

Paul hesitated a second, then rose and walked to his desk. He pulled out an address book and looked at it. Then he pulled out a piece of paper and scrawled something on it. He handed it to her over his desk. Benny retrieved it and gave it to Beth, who looked at it a moment before putting it in her purse.

She looked back up at him, her eyes drilling into him. Her expression could have cut him into pieces.

“She must have loved you very much in the beginning.”

He couldn’t look at her. It reminded her so much of Alston Wheatley. Beth got up and walked towards the door, Benny right behind her.

She turned and said, “You know how famous I am. You know I’m a professional chess player, going for the championship of the world next month.”

“Y-Yes. Chris can’t stop talking about it.”

“You always knew I was your daughter.”

He couldn’t have looked more guilty.

“I lost track of you after you were adopted!”, he said even more desperately, “I tried to find out where you went, but the orphanage refused to give me any information. When you became famous, you were already on your own....grown up.....You seemed to be doing well for yourself. I didn’t see the need....”

“ _You didn’t see the need?_ ”, she cried out, “ _How could you leave me in the dark with all that pain?_ ”

He remained mute, unable to answer. Her face became even colder.

“If I win,", she said in a voice that could carve steel, "and believe me I will win, I’ll become even more famous. Two years ago when I won the Moscow Invitational, I was bigger than a lot of pop stars, bigger than the Monkees. I still am. _I’m a fucking celebrity now..._

"The attention on me will only get worse. The newspapers will try to find out about every detail of my life, including where I was born, and birth certificates are public record. So it won’t be long before some goddamn reporter figures out the connection between you and me. Then what will you do?"

He looked at her with profound fear, realizing what she was saying.

Her eyes watered up as she took a deep breath again to calm herself and said, “I have a brother, a brother I didn’t know I had, that I could have grown up with. I want to get to know him. But I’m not going to tell him who I am. Unlike you, I’m not willing to hurt him just to get what I want. I’m not going to try and communicate with him first because it needs to come from you. So you can decide to tell him and your wife, or you can just wait until it breaks in the news after some reporter barges in here asking them these same questions. I’ll wait until he learns it one way or the other. But I won’t wait that long either. You’ve got six months. Then I’ll tell him.”

“Please, Beth!, “he pleaded, “Please don’t do this!”

Her cold tearful glare did not alter one bit, “You'll have to give him my apologies for not staying. Tell him I had urgent business and had to leave.”

She turned, opened the door, walked out of the room and exited the house, Benny trailing her. He drove her to the airport. She was still agitated, remaining controlled and quiet. But once they returned the rental car, and were getting close to the terminal, she suddenly stopped. Benny also stopped and turned to look at her.

"Beth?...."

She gazed at him, and couldn't hold back. She reached for him and hugged him close and sobbed intensely. 

He held her patiently until she cried it all out. She continued to hold on tight.

Then she whispered calmly in his ear, "Thank you, Benny.... Thank you so much."

She pulled back with a smile and then kissed him long and gently.

"Are you all right?"

She nodded, still smiling, "I am now. Let's go home."

They flew back to New York.

***

That night back in Oakdale, Benny had gone to bed and was trying to get to sleep when there was a light knock at his door. It opened and she came in.

“What’s the matter, Beth?”

She sat down on the bed and looked intensely at him.

She shook her head gently.

“Nothing. I’m okay. I....feel better. I didn’t know for so long.”

“Are you blaming yourself?”

She shook her head ‘no’.

“I went my whole life not knowing.”, she said softly, “I didn’t know if Mom did something, or was it because of me......But I can see now. It was never my fault......it wasn't my mother's fault, and the anger is gone. It’s really gone.”

“You got a raw deal in all this.”, he said, “You handled it beautifully.”

“Thank you.”, she said, “Thank you for being there with me.”

“I always will.”

“I know.”

“Beth, I want you to know something. I’m retiring as a professional chess player.”

She gasped, “What? You can’t do that!”

“Yes, I can.”

“But why? You love chess as much as I do! It’s the reason we even breathe—“

”Come on! Don’t get melodramatic, Beth!”, he snorted with a smile, “It’s okay.”

“But there’s nothing you love more than chess.”

He shook his head 'no' as he smiled.

“I do love chess. I always will. I will still play in tournaments because I love it so much. But I love you more.”

She stared at him, unable to speak, then got up and went to the door. She opened it, then stopped.

Looking back at him, her eyes glistening, she said, “I love you too, Benny.”

It was the first time she ever said anything like that to him.

He gazed at her, then reached out a hand to her, motioning her to come back to him.

“Are you sure?”

She sat back down, smiling slightly, her eyes tearing up, “I know that I don’t get things people say at times. I don’t always understand what people mean when they talk.”

“You mean you’re so concrete?”

“You know, I still don't know what you mean by that.”

He smiled, replying, “You have this tendency to take everything people say at face value, taking things literally. Things like metaphors and figurative speech seem to go right past you."

She looked thoughtful, “Oh, like I don't get jokes sometimes. Yeah, I can see that.”

"Well, it's a little more than that."

"Okay. You'll explain it to me?"

“Sure. So you understand what I’m saying when I say I love you?”

She stared at him a long time before answering.

“I think so. Maybe I don’t understand how or why you would love me. But I know that you do.”

“And you’re sure about how you feel?”

Her lips thinned out with the corners slightly raised.

“I’ve always wanted to be alone because I am not comfortable being around people. I like being alone. You know that. All my life.....I could never understand why I was different, why other people would avoid me, or make fun of me, or why I had no friends other than Jolene. Can I be with other people? Yeah, but I don’t really connect with them, except for some chess people."

"Like Harry, Mike and Matt..."

"Yeah. But other people, they don’t understand, then they get tiresome and annoying because they don’t like me in return, because I don't understand them. I find I don't like them either, so I just get annoyed and leave myself. I have nothing in common with them."

“But with you, it’s different. We have chess, and you understand it at the same level I do. I can connect with you. At first it was convenient and fun. It was nice being with you. Of course, you irritated the crap out of me sometimes, like living in that lousy apartment, or when you beat me at speed chess in Ohio!”

That made them both laugh.

“I know.”, he replied, “That’s probably why you beat the hell out of me at the US final.”

She kept smiling, “I know I made you so mad when I beat you and the others in New York.”

He said, “I _was_ mad. But I was also astounded how quickly you picked up speed chess. You were amazing.”

She looked down at her hands and fidgeted before facing him again.

“I got really comfortable with you. But I did not want to become dependent on you, on any person, because I knew that eventually that person would hurt me. You're...... You're the only one who hasn't."

"Even when I told you never to call me again?"

"No. That was my fault because sometimes other people hurt me if somehow I hurt them, and I usually don't know what it was I did to make them do that. I know you did that because I hurt you. That's why I don’t even trust Jolene to be that close to me, you know, not that she would. One time, I tried to be that close to her. I told her she was my guardian angel. She told me to go fuck myself.”

That set them to laughing again.

“She said she wasn’t my guardian angel. She said she was there because I needed her, because we’re family. She said if she needed me, that I would come, and I would, though....”

“It’s highly unlikely?”

She smiled again, “Her exact words. That's why I love her too. But with you, I didn’t want to lose my freedom. So I pushed you away. I found I was becoming too comfortable with you sort of taking over, you know. Then I started to miss you when you weren’t here, even when I did push you away. When I wake up in the morning, it hurts that you're not there next to me. But then I was so.....so.....Benny, I realized I don’t want to live my life without you in it. I can’t...."

She began to choke up, tears falling.

" _The thought of you not being there with me hurts so damn much....._ That’s when I knew I loved you, and it scares the hell out of me. Everyone in my life has either abandoned me, hurt me, or left me, except for Jolene, and you. It scares me that I’m going to be hurt again, or that I’ll hurt you.”

“Do you think I would do that to you?”

She didn't answer right away, as she regained her calm, “No. I’m sure you wouldn’t, at least not on purpose, but.......”

"Beth.", he said gently, "There may be times when one of us might hurt the other, unintentionally. You have to understand that it's not the end of a relationship if that happens. If we commit ourselves to trusting each other, and always be open, talking it out will make it alright."

She nodded thoughtfully, "I understand. I like that."

He shook his head, “Nobody can guarantee anything in the future. We know that. The best I can do is guarantee that you will always be more important to me than even chess. Will that do?”

She nodded, “That’s a pretty good guarantee. You'll put that in writing?”

He laughed softly at her joke.

“You are still such a pain in the ass, you know that?”, he replied, smiling, reaching up and caressing her cheek.

She gazed at him, smiling in return, her hand covering his with desire in her eyes.

“I still like your hair....”

***

They enjoyed their love making more than they had in a long time, which it had been. It had been so many months since they had stopped. She lay next to him, her head on his shoulder, his arms around her, gazing up. She looked so serene, her eyes shining in the dark as she played chess on the ceiling.

“How do you feel?”, he whispered.

“Happy.....”, she murmured, “I feel more at peace now than I ever have. It wasn’t me. It wasn’t my fault, any of it.”

“Good. And you can see the board now without the drugs or the booze.”

“Yes, I can. I think I’ll be able to do it from now on. I thought I needed the pills, the booze. But I never did. I can do it on my own.”

He kissed her forehead.

“You are still a pain in the ass, but I love you.”

She turned her head and returned the kiss, “I love you too, maybe more than chess.”

“You’d better.”

She giggled, smiling widely, “We’ll see.”

She recalled a conversation with Mr. Shaibel when she was nine...

_“People like you always have a hard time.”_

'He was right about that.', she thought.

_“Two sides of the same coin. You’ve got your gift, You’ve got what it costs. Hard to say for you what that will be.”_

'More than I could have ever imagined.'

_“You’ll have your time in the sun, but for how long?”_

'We’ll just have to see.'

_“You have so much anger in you. You’ll have to be careful.”_

She gazed at the ceiling, content. He had seen her anger, knew it to be a dangerous thing. He knew it could destroy her. It nearly did. But it was gone now. She found out what she needed to know, had come to peace with it. For the first time in her life, she actually felt there was a future she would like to have, instead of one she feared and dreaded. She looked back up at Benny. He was already asleep, breathing regularly.

She embraced him closer and drifted off to sleep with him.

***

They spent the next few weeks in preparation for the match, doing the same routine, staying separate once more. She continued to look for new moves in the openings Borgov usually played. That was the best chance she had. It was no exaggeration that Borgov played like a machine himself. He simply didn’t make mistakes, which was why he was world champion. It was because he had a mind like a steel trap. His memory was phenomenal as he had memorized thousands upon thousands of games. He always knew what the best moves were from previous experience. It also explained his mastery of the endgame, the reason he was the best in the world at it. It was the workmanlike chess Benny had drummed into her. Boring, yes, but brutal, and it won.

His only weakness, if any, was he had never been an intuitive player. He stuck to the established line every time. That was how she had to beat him. She had to find new lines analyzed over the board on the spot, ones that had never been played before, lines that he couldn’t have studied or anticipated. That was an incredible task since every single opening had been studied ad infinitum over the centuries with nearly all possible moves explored. But not all of them, she knew. That was her strength, her ability to literally compute every single possible line in the hundreds, maybe thousands.

Benny had it rough arguing with the Russian Chess Federation. They were insistent that the match be played in Moscow, or at least half of them. He fought to have a neutral site for all the games. Neither side would budge until Beth stepped in and said she would play half the games in Russia, adding she was looking forward to it.

Benny argued against it, not wanting them to have that home court advantage, explaining that the Russians sometimes did things to disrupt the players’ comfort. He explained the phones would certainly be tapped by the KGB. There were stories of the radio suddenly blasting on at 2AM in the morning in their room for an hour, to disrupt their sleep, and it couldn’t be turned off. Meals were sometimes delayed or not delivered at all. Luggage was somehow misplaced. Of course, the hotel or official that received their complaints would apologize profusely and assure them that such disturbances would be investigated and resolved, which of course they wouldn’t, or it was a long time before they would be. There were other minor inconveniences that also happened which would cause discomfort and put them at a disadvantage. 

“Why didn’t they do that the last time?”, she asked.

“I can’t answer that. Probably because as a woman and an American, you weren’t important enough for them to go to the trouble. They certainly thought you weren't anywhere near their level in the beginning, that there was no way you could win. I think they didn't do it just before you played Borgov because you were so popular over there by then. I don’t know for sure. But I bet they’ll try now.”

Beth nodded, understanding. Still, she made the decision she would play half of the games in Russia and half in the US and stuck to it. It was arranged that the first six games would be played in Moscow, the next twelve in New York City, and the last six back in Moscow if needed. This time, the State Department was heavily involved with the arrangements.

A week before they had to go, Beth started getting ill. She got some sort of stomach flu and was taking some Pepto-Bismol trying to quiet it down. She had a slight fever and was nauseated and vomiting. She stayed in bed and drank plenty of liquids, but really didn’t have an appetite. It cleared up after a few days, but the nausea persisted, interfering with her study. Finally, she went to Dr. McAndrews to see if there was some antibiotic she could take to settle her down. He took note of her symptoms, asked her a few questions, and then did a full exam, including to her annoyance another pelvic exam. After she got dressed, he asked her to join him in his office. Benny sat down with her as he closed the door and took his chair behind his desk.

“Beth, There’s a problem.”

“What problem?”

“Your IUD is missing.”

She gaped at him in surprise.

_“What do you mean it’s missing?”_ , she blurted out.

“It’s the reason I did the pelvic. There are strings on the IUD that trail out of the uterus to allow it to be removed if needed. The strings aren’t there. And your uterus feels a little enlarged."

“I don’t understand! How could the IUD be missing?

“There’s always a chance IUD’s could fall out on their own. It’s less than one percent, but it is known to happen.”

”Take an x-ray then and make sure!”

“I don’t dare now. You said your periods were mostly regular. When was your last one?”

“It was―”

She thought about it. With everything that had been happening it hadn’t even come to mind...

Quietly she said, “Seven weeks...”

“You didn't notice?”

“No. My periods are usually regular. I do miss sometimes. But I thought I was protected. It just didn't occur to me that.....”

He nodded in understanding. He could see Beth was not expecting anything like this, so he didn’t treat it like happy news.

“I’m drawing blood to confirm it. But I’m sure you’re pregnant.”

***

Beth remained quiet and withdrawn, sitting in the garden hour after hour, just staring at the flowers. There was no way she could study now. Dr. McAndrews had called three days later and confirmed the blood test showed she was pregnant. He scheduled her to go to the hospital to get a special kind of test using sound waves to look inside her abdomen. It was called an ultrasound and was a fairly new technology in medicine. It was also no danger to the baby like regular x-rays could be.

At the hospital, there was a huge machine in the radiology department. The bottom part had a flat bed on it and this was where she laid down, There was a larger upper section that loomed over her, making weird noises. The radiologist performed the test, rubbing some sort of gel over her abdomen and then using a wand of some kind that was connected to the upper part by an electrical cord. As he moved the wand back and forth over her lower abdomen, he kept looking at a screen. A mirror had been set up across from her to allow a patient to see it too. Beth couldn’t make much out of all the squiggly lines shadowed by static-like snow popping in and out of the picture.

“Well, good news.”, he said, “ The IUD is definitely gone, so it can’t endanger the pregnancy. It appears the pregnancy is about the right age too.”

“You can see it?”, she asked.

“Sure. Let me show you.”

He changed the position of the wand and soon a small blob appeared among the shifting lines.

“There it is. That's the uterus. The fetus is too small for us to localize on this machine, but you’ll be able to see it later as it grows.”

Beth became mesmerized, gazing at the screen, wondering what the baby was going to be, boy or girl. She was filled with an incredible feeling of rightness about the beauty of that image. She knew then what she wanted. She smiled and thanked the doctor.

Benny drove her home in silence. She went to the back yard and sat in her favorite chair, again just appreciating the beauty of the flowers, watching the various insects play among the blossoms. After a while, he joined her.

“How’re you doing.”

“I’m okay. I just needed to be alone for a while, just to think.”

“I know. But since I’m the father, I deserve to be involved at least a little bit, don’t you think?”

She glanced at him with a smile for a moment, then sighed and replied, “Yeah, sure...”

“What are you thinking?”

She didn’t answer at first, “I don’t know exactly what to do. It’s just...I’m just trying to wrap my mind all around this.”

“Do you want to keep it?”

She looked at him, “Abortion is illegal.”

“There are places in Europe that can do it.”

She shook her head, “Not this soon before the match.”

“We can ask for a delay. I’m pretty sure we can get one. Do the procedure, give it another two or three months to recover. Then you can get enough rest to be able to play.”

She was silent again as she thought.

“No. I don’t want to delay the match.”

“You’ll be playing pregnant.”

“So? Jesus, Benny! Women all through history have been doing things far more stressful than playing chess while they were pregnant.”

“I know. It’s just.....Well, if you wanted, you could get the abortion after the match. You’ll only be about three months along. Of course, we'd have to keep it all very quiet in any case."

She still had that far away look in her eyes. She slowly shook her head again.

“You should have seen it on that ultrasound machine, Benny. It was beautiful.”

She turned and gazed at him.

“I can’t do it. I’m going to keep it. I want it. I’m not going to do to it what my mother tried to do to me.”

He pursed his lips and nodded in understanding.

“I’m glad.”, he said.

“Really?”

“Beth, I wasn’t going to demand you keep it or get rid of it. If you had asked me if I wanted it, I would have said yes. But this has to be your decision. I’m serious. I will support you no matter what your decision is. But, yeah, I’m glad you’re keeping it.”, he said smiling, reaching out and holding her hand, “You know this is still going to cause a problem.”

She looked back out over the flowers and let out a long breath, “Yeah. I don’t think the public is going to be very sympathetic to an unmarried pregnant woman being the world champion of anything even in these so called 'modern' times."

“It will cause a scandal. The press would devour us like wolves.”

“I don’t care about that. The rest of the world can go to hell.....most of it anyway.”

"It would seriously hurt our chances at doing exhibitions and simultaneous playing. We might not be able to play some tournaments."

"So it could hurt us making money. We'll manage."

He grinned, "I could always call _Playboy_ back."

She stared back at him hard with a smirk, "You do and I will kill you..."

He laughed in response, glad she understood it was a joke.

She went into a long silent spell, ducking her head and looking down. She was thinking about what she wanted when she saw the ultrasound image of her baby.

“Well, there might be one solution.”, she said softly.

Her face coloring with embarrassment, her eyes looked up at him.

“Uh, we could get........married.”

It took him by surprise, but he had to smile.

“Is this just because you would avoid the scandal?”

She shook her head, “No. That really doesn’t bother me. But the child is going to need a father.”

“We don’t have to be married to do that.”

“I know. It’s just.....”

She looked down deep in thought.

When she raised her head again, her gaze bore into him.

“Benny, I don’t want a life without you in it. You know that. I am comfortable with you. You know I like you, and you know I love you. And though I know we can't while I'm getting ready for competitions, I still want to wake up in the morning with you holding me. I hate it when things change. I would spend the rest of my life with you if I could. That's why I want to get married."

“You’re not worried about me straying? I’m the original chess bum, remember? Always loving and leaving them.”, he half-joked.

“No, I don’t think you will. Not at all.”, she said seriously.

He just grinned at her.

"Oh.", she said, "You were joking...."

He had to laugh again. She was so literal......

Smiling, he got down on one knee next to her. He pulled out his wallet and dug around in it until he extracted a wad of cloth. Carefully opening it, he pulled out a simple gold wedding ring.

Her eyes showed her surprise, “Benny! When did you get that?”

“About a year ago.”

“You’ve been thinking of this all that time?”

He nodded, grinning wider.

“So.”, he said, “We should do this right, okay? Elizabeth Harmon, will you marry me?”

It felt as wonderful as when she won the Moscow Invitational, her eyes watering up as she murmured “yes”, got down on her knees, and kissed him.


	11. Chapter 11

Evelyn was thrilled when they came back in the house and told her. She was worried what they would do when they told her Beth was pregnant and how it happened, but this was exactly what she wished for. She hugged them both happily. Benny pointed out that if they were going to get married, they needed to do it quick, before they flew to Moscow. Neither wanted any kind of religious ceremony. Benny was as agnostic as Beth was. All they needed was a civil procedure to do it, which thankfully would be short and sweet. The problem was getting it done in only four days, and that it would be in the public record, where it could expose to reporters where they were hiding.

Evelyn surprised them by saying, “Leave that to me.”

She made a couple of calls and then told them she would have it all set up in a couple of days. It happened that the city registrar was a personal friend of hers. She would get the legal paperwork done in a hush-hush manner, and she would be sure to hide it for as long as she could from any snooping news people. Beth called Townes and Jolene, asking them to come out, giving them the address of the local courthouse. They were able to get flights on the day of the ceremony since, of course, neither of them was going to miss it. It also gave Beth and Benny the two witnesses they needed. Fortunately, part of the work up Dr. Talbott performed on Beth included blood tests for venereal disease. It was only needed for Benny to do the same, which was rushed through in only a day.

They met at 3PM two days later at the courthouse. Beth wore her white queen outfit with the coat and cap. It was still cold enough to wear it. Benny for once also dressed up in a suit and tie, looking completely uncomfortable but tolerating it. He hadn’t worn the thing since his high school graduation. Jolene was smiling broadly as she hugged Beth, Townes looking on just as pleased when it was his turn. Going into the building, Evelyn found her friend waiting for her, all the proper papers already drawn up. They went across the hall to the local justice of the peace and there they presented their identification and test results, then signed all the necessary documents in his presence, after which he performed the ceremony. Benny placed the ring on her finger and kissed her. Jolene and Townes clapped along with Evelyn and they all retired to the house to celebrate. The registrar gave a copy of the marriage certificate to Beth and then took the papers and ‘buried’ them as she promised. Townes had his camera and made sure to take plenty of pictures of them all.

“God, Beth!”, said Jolene as they gathered in the kitchen and opened the champagne, “I never thought you’d ever do this. _Married?_ ”

“I never thought I would either, but, well, I guess he sort of grew on me.”

“He must have.”

She gave Benny an eyeful, “Now you know what I’ll do to you if you make her unhappy? Right?”

Benny grinned and lifted his hands in surrender, “Believe me. I won’t. She’d hurt me worse than you would.”

“I’ll bet.”

Townes piped in as he hugged her again, “I am so happy for you, Beth.”

“Benny’ll do fine.”, added Jolene, “Even if he was second choice.”

“Jolene!”, Beth half-groaned, rolling her eyes.

Benny’s brows furrowed, “Second choice? What do you mean?―”

Beth and Townes had separated, both looking uncomfortable. His eyebrows shot up.

“Him?!”, he said in surprise.

“Benny, it was a long time ago, like six years.”

“We became good friends. That’s all.”, Townes added.

"Besides, Benny.", added Jolene slyly, "It's not like you have any right to complain, you know?"

Benny glared at Jolene a second before looking back at Beth.

“Okay.......", He said, eying her suspiciously, "Guess you’ll tell me about that later.”

“Damn, Jolene.”, Beth said, wilting, “Are you trying to wreck my marriage from the start?”

She laughed, “Relax, girl! Benny don’t got nothing to worry about.”

“Well, let’s have some champagne”, said Evelyn to change the subject. She filled four glasses with champagne, and one more with lemonade, then passed them around to everyone, Beth getting the lemonade.

“Why aren’t you drinking champagne with us, Beth―?”

It was Jolene’s turn to be astonished.

“ _Oh my Lord. Beth! Are you.....!_ ”

Beth just smiled and nodded embarrassingly.

Jolene let out a yell and grabbed her again in a big sisterly hug, laughing loudly. She let go of her as Townes was next to hug her a second time.

“How far along are you?” she asked.

“Around six to seven weeks we think.”

“But you got the championship coming up. Are you going to play through that?”

“Why not?”

“Really? Will you be able to do it?”

“Come on, Jolene. Of course I can.”

Jolene suddenly looked concerned, “Wait a minute. Honey, is this why you got married?”

Both of them piped up and said “ _No!”_

“You sure?”

“Yes, Jolene, I’m sure. I don’t need to be married to have a baby. I married Benny because I want him with me always. I love him. And he had been planning on asking me anyway for about a year.”

“So he finally asked you?”

“Uh...”, she hesitated.

“Actually she suggested it.”, replied Benny, grinning, “Then I asked her.”

Jolene smiled, “Okay. That’s good enough.”

Townes added, “It’s great, Beth.”

“You are not to publish this, Townes!”, she warned him playfully.

“Not a word.”, he replied, “ Not until you tell me it’s okay. I’m here as your friend, not a reporter.”

They spent the next hour just talking and enjoying themselves before it was time for them to leave. Jolene had to catch her flight back to Atlanta. Townes had an early meeting at the _Herald-Leader_.

***

That night, Beth laid in Benny’s arms, her head on his shoulder the way she liked to be. She felt safe, protected, like she was when she was on the chess board.

“So.......you and Townes had a thing?”, he asked softly.

She grinned and rolled her eyes, “ _Noooo!_ It never went anywhere. I was attracted to him though.”

“Attracted to him? I guess he’s a good looking guy, but it didn’t lead to any.....stuff, huh?”

“No. Nothing happened. And yes, he’s gorgeous! There just was never any chance anything could have developed between us.”

“How come?”

“Benny, it’s not important.”

“I not worried, Beth, just curious.”

She looked up at him.

“He’s gay.”

Benny blinked, and said, “Ohhhhhhh......had no idea.”

“Neither did I at first. Don’t you say anything to anybody about it, Benny. You hear me?”

“No. No. I don’t have anything against gays. I won’t tell anybody.”

“Good.”

"So, you two tried?...."

"Sort of. I tried to start something. He wouldn't."

"When?"

"Uh, Las Vegas in '66."

He frowned as he thought about it, "Wait a minute. You were sixteen? That young?"

"Hmmmmm..... Yeah."

"And you're busting my balls for what I've done?", he said in amusement.

"It was one guy, Benny! And we didn't even kiss.", she griped.

He just laughed at her.

“So if he wasn’t gay, would you be married to him?”

She giggled, “Maybe........ Yeah, probably...”

He pinched her, and she yelped in laughter, playfully hitting him back on his side.

“You are not a good person, Benny Watts!”, she joked.

“I’m perfectly good and you know it.”

“That’s not what you just said, or what your mother has said!”

He frowned down at her, "What do you mean?"

"She told me about your, uh, escapades."

He thought it through, then, “Uhhhh......okay. Now, what did my mother actually tell you?”

“Did you really bring girls home for sex?”

‘She told you that?”, he exclaimed in surprise.

“Yes!”, she answered, still laughing.

“Jeez.....”, he said, pinching the bridge of his nose as he shook his head.

“Did you really?”

He looked back down at her.

“Do you know much that embarrasses me now?”

“I know she was really upset about that, though she seems fine now.”

“I know. I know. But you got to understand. That was back in my drugged out days. I was such a stupid teenager just lost, uh, in lust. All I cared about was chess....... and girls. It never entered my mind how she would feel about me doing that. I just didn't... Uh, you know.... give a damn where I and a girl would go to do....you know. I was completely lost in my speed haze."

He continued, "When I finally got clean, I was better physically, but I was still an idiot. I kept doing it into my early twenties. I would always try to sneak in with the girl and sneak out again before she realized it, but I didn't succeed all the time. It was one time she caught me...."

"You mean walked in on you in the middle of.......?"

He really looked contrite.

"...... Oh, God! Yeah....that was so embarrassing. I forgot to lock the door that one time. She finally had enough and told me if I was going to bring girls home for sex, then not to come back at all. I just didn't think it was that big a deal...

"But I was wrong. I didn't know how much I hurt her. There wasn't much of a chance for me to apologize because by that time, we weren’t talking, and I was out living on my own. It was only when I called her up this time to get us out here that we had a good conversation. That’s when I apologized. I'm thankful she listened."

She smiled back up at him.

“She told me about that too. We forgive you.”

She snickered as he smiled and bent down and kissed her forehead.

"You forgive me? God, you really are a pain in the ass......"

She looked at her wedding band on her left hand. It seemed so weird to see it there, just as she was surprised to be here like this. She had no intention at all at looking for companionship. She didn’t need it, didn’t want it. She had chess. It was everything to her, all that she required to live. Yet, somehow he managed to sneak into her world and completely change it. She rolled over and looked at him face to face.

“You know, it's funny. I'm still a little uncertain about what it means to love somebody. You see, I was thinking there was this adoration or worshiping or, I don’t know, something like that. But it’s different than I thought. It's deeper, a lot deeper, and..... It's wonderful. I don't quite understand it all yet, but I promise you. I will learn.”

“I know you will.”, he said confidently.

“I am sure though. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

She smiled again, and then bent her head down to give him a long soft kiss.

“Honeymoon’s not finished, you know.”, she whispered.

He grinned as he rolled over with her underneath to love her again.

***

The flight to Moscow went by smoothly with no problems. Beth and Benny were accompanied now by two agents from the State Department, or more likely CIA in Benny’s mind, along with two officials from the Federation. When they got to the hotel, Beth slipped her wedding ring on and that’s when they told their escort that they were married, so they would be staying in the same room. Beth had the copy of the marriage certificate just in case, but they didn’t ask for proof. They just called the embassy and other contacts to update the change in information. They knew the news would hit the airwaves almost immediately, but it couldn’t be avoided now. She wasn’t feeling particularly well just then anyway, and Benny wanted to get her upstairs and to bed so she could rest. The morning sickness was getting to her. It wasn’t severe, but it was enough to be bothersome to clear thinking. Dr. McAndrews had given her something for the nausea before they left, but it didn't work very well and left a bad taste in her mouth. She didn't bother to bring it with her to Russia.

Since they couldn’t hide it any more, she kept her ring on. Reporters would probably be scouring every county courthouse within five hundred miles of New York for their records trying to find out where the ceremony had been performed.

The next morning, they traveled to the same venue with the great auditorium hall where the Invitational had been held. Like the final game of that tournament, there was the lone table and chess set in place at the center with the audience chairs on either side. She wore the tailored navy blue dress with the white trim. Her nylons felt snug on her legs. Her hair was now down to the middle of her back and she had it styled in full large wavy curls, the familiar bandana holding it together with the side tresses falling in front to her chest. The tournament director had the contestants and their seconds meet in the small room close to the auditorium. This was the first time she had seen Borgov since Belgrade. He had on his stone face as usual when he shook hands with her. He didn’t smile. Beth thought ‘yes, he’s ready to play’. The rules for the match as they had been arranged were then explained in detail again and then everything was ready.

They were escorted down the hallway to the auditorium. As she was the challenger, she was introduced first. The applause was energetic and enthusiastic as she walked into the auditorium and stood by the white pieces, which she had drawn by lot. Borgov was then introduced and the applause for him was thunderous, more than for her as she expected......but not by that much. He walked into the auditorium in a stately manner and stopped by the black pieces. They looked at each other briefly, game faces on, shook hands again, and then sat down to applause. The tournament director approached and looked at both players to make sure they were ready, then started Beth’s clock.

She started with pawn to king four, and he responded with pawn to queen bishop four, going into a Sicilian. Borgov was known for his mastery of the Sicilian as White, but he was just as strong playing Black too. So was Beth. They played strong throughout the middle game and into the end game, and she held her own, the game ending in an agreed draw after fifty-two moves. During the game both of them remained completely stoic, although she did yawn a time or two. She was feeling fatigued. This worried Benny, but she was firm in that nothing was going to delay the match. They shook hands to strong applause as they rose and exited the auditorium.

The next day saw Beth answer his Reti opening with P-QB4, which then transformed into a Queen’s Gambit Declined. She had not slept well and was even more tired, having trouble concentrating. She suddenly felt flushed in the midgame, her face getting red, and she had to close her eyes briefly until it passed, pulling out a handkerchief to wipe her brow as she had started to sweat a little. Benny was watching her from the right side looking worried about that, but it soon cleared up and she looked better.

  
Borgov’s wife was sitting close to her husband. Her eyes widened slightly and she made a small noise. It was very subtle. Only her husband noticed and he briefly glanced at her for a second. Her eyes told him wordlessly she wanted to talk later. He nodded very slightly and turned back to the game. Nobody else noticed. Beth felt fine afterward, but her thinking was leaden, and she had to resign after forty moves. They again shook hands and exited to strong applause.

Benny took her back to their room and had her lay down and rest. She was agitated about the loss and wanted to restudy the game, but she did what he asked. She did not feel like eating a late lunch even though she hadn’t had anything to eat today. About 4PM they received a call. Benny answered it and listened. He didn’t say anything, just looking at Beth for several seconds, then replied that he agreed to meet. He hung up and looked down, deep in thought.

“What is it?”, she asked.

He gazed at her, “Borgov wants to meet.”

“Meet? Why? All the rules have been worked out. The seconds still handle all that, don’t they?”

“He wants to meet with you personally.....and alone.”

She blinked, astounded. Whatever could he want to talk about?

“Do you think you can go?”, he asked.

“Yeah, I feel a little better now. In fact I’m a little hungry.”

“Good. We can eat after. He’ll see you down in the inner garden of the hotel in twenty minutes.”

She wondered about that for a minute before rising and getting dressed. The hotel had a large inside garden open to the elements, beautifully maintained with lush ferns and flowering plants. There was a walking path that wound through it. When they got there, Borgov was already waiting with an escort. She recognized him as Sergei, the agent who was with Luchenko at Palma. Borgov waved a hand toward the walkway and they proceeded to stroll down it, leaving Benny and Sergei behind. They remained silent for a time, just admiring the foliage before he spoke.

“How are you doing.” he asked neutrally, being neither formal or familiar. He spoke in English.

“I’m fine. Thank you.”

“You look more beautiful each time I see you, Liza.”

She smirked and replied, “ _Spacibo_.”

“I noticed you seemed tired today. You are in good health, yes?”

She nodded, “Yes, I really am fine. I am not ill. I was just a little tired from not sleeping well last night. I’ll get better rest tonight.”

“I hope so. You may have heard that foreign players sometimes encounter certain difficulties playing in Russia.”

“I’ve heard.”, she said, looking back briefly down the path, “But really, is it okay for you to be saying things like that to me?”

He smiled, “I believe you met Sergei before, yes? He knows he can trust me.”

“I'm glad.”

“I made it clear before we started that no such measures were to be taken against you. I refuse to win by such tactics. The authorities were not pleased by that.”

“Will you get in trouble?”

He grinned a little wider, “I have certain privileges of which I can take advantage.”

“Good. I'm relieved to hear that."

“You should meet my wife. She is very impressed with you.”

“I would love to meet her, Vasily.”

They started walking down the path again and he took her hand and put it inside his arm.

“My wife is physician. She specializes in childbirth.”

Beth stopped. Where was he going with this?

“She says you are pregnant.”

Her face blanched completely white as she looked up at him, becoming fearful.

“How does she know?”, she asked timidly.

“She is expert. She mentioned your fatigue and your flushing today. She also says there are mild spots on your forehead. I do not know what that means, but she knows her profession well. I think you did not intend to do this, correct?”

She grimaced, “Yes........It was accidental. My protection..... failed."

"How long?"

"Seven, maybe eight weeks."

She swallowed hard. Was he going to cancel the match? Was he going to make all this public?

“I see you recently married, Liza. I congratulate you.”

She found her tongue enough to reply, “Thank you.”

“I hope it was not just because of child.”

“It wasn’t. It was what we both wanted. We thought it best to get married before the match, not because of the baby, but because the appearance of an unmarried pregnant woman to the public could be a problem. We just got married sooner than we expected. That's all. But why are we discussing this now?”

His face changed. He was no longer stone-faced, emotionless. He looked at her like a caring father.

“I assume no one knows, Liza, yes? If I am to win, I will not do it with opponent who is unfairly disadvantaged. I do not look at you as woman chess player. You are chess player, no matter if you are man or woman. There have been times when players become ill and arrangements were made to delay games or postpone matches. We can do that if you wish, even until child is born.”

She shook her head, “No, Vasily. I will not.”

He smiled at her with pride, “I did not think you would. But you are still female and pregnant. It is reality that must be faced.”

“You know as well as I do,", she argued, "that women have worked in extreme labor conditions, endured all sorts of hardships, even fought wars without it interfering. Your own history is full of such examples.”

“I know.”, he replied, “I will not force anything on you. I will tell nobody. Not even Sergei knows. But if you become too ill, I will delay games if I feel it is needed.”

She looked away, irritated, “My husband will probably do that before you do.”

“I do not doubt it. But I also will declare day of rest tomorrow, as rules allow this."

"Vasily!....."

He looked at her sternly, "No. Liza. You will rest. Then you come back to chess board."

He took her hands in his. He spoke in Russian.

“ _Liza, Dmitri is right. You are finest female chess player in history. And like Dmitri, I think you may even be finest chess player, male or female, to have ever lived. But that is who we are. We are all chess players. This is our world. We enter battlefield to make war without mercy, without quarter given, with most severe brutality and savagery possible, yet perform most wonderful, most beautiful, most artistic execution of strategy and tactics with world's greatest intellects. It is only way incomparable beauty of our world can be expressed_. _We are only ones with that power_."

Her eyes glistened as she gazed at him, replying in Russian, “ _You’re right. I would not have it any other way either. But if I am to win, I must also do it correctly. You must play your absolute best to beat me. I would not feel I earned victory and deserved it._ ”

He cupped her cheek gently with his hand and smiled even wider, “ _Of course, Zaya. This is chess._ ”

He never failed to astonish her. She did not know she meant anything to him like this. He respected her so much that he looked at her like a daughter. He called her ‘ _Zaya_ ’, which could be translated to ‘bunny’, a term of endearment, usually used for a daughter or daughter figure.

She closed her eyes and smiled, emotion getting the better of her as two tears fell on her cheeks.

She opened her eyes and gazed at him lovingly as she replied, “ _Yes, it is chess, Papa. And it must be respected."_

She returned a term of endearment as well for a father figure, and meant it. He was a tall man and she reached up and hugged him dearly. He chuckled contentedly, gently patting her back.

As they walked back down the path, he said in English, “When this is all over, you must come visit and play.”

“I would love that.”, she said, drying her eyes, “I’ve played your games since I was thirteen years old. I was so scared of you!”

She smiled as he laughed softly,

“I always wanted to run out of the room screaming every time we played! Even seeing my name next to yours for an upcoming match made me cower with fear!”

Still chuckling, he replied, “I am glad you see I am not monster off chess board.”

She nodded, taking his arm again, “You really have been so wonderful to me. Thank you.”

“It is testament to your skill. Even as scared as you were, you still won.”

“Only once!”, and they laughed.

They reached the beginning of the path to where Sergei and Benny were waiting.

He turned and held her hands again.

 _" Beregi sebya zaya. Vsego khoroshego_ _._ ”, he said. [Take care of yourself, Zaya. Be well.]

“ _Ya budu Papa. Bol'shoye tebe Spacibo."_ , she answered. [I will, Papa. Thank you so very much.]

She hugged him close once more. Sergei then smiled and bowed his head to her.

" _Spacibo, Sergei._ ", she said softly.

"E _to moye udovol'stviye,_ _Liza._ ", he replied. [It is my pleasure, Liza.]

As they left, Beth stood there and watched them go, smiling through the tears she had been holding back and were now coming down. Benny came up to her and she reached out and held him, still looking back at where they had disappeared down a hallway. The closest thing she’d ever had for a father figure was Mr. Shaibel. With Dmitri, she had a grandfather. And now she had a father again.

***

That evening, a package was delivered to their room from Svetlana Borgova. Her CIA escorts vetted it and didn’t see anything suspicious before they let it get to her. Beth was touched by the gesture as it contained instructions in English for her to drink plenty of fluids, be careful only to eat foods that won’t trigger nausea, and to eat smaller amounts more frequently. Included were some bottles of vitamin B6 and doxylamine, mild over-the-counter medications which were useful first treatments for her nausea. A third bottle contained Chlorpromazine, which the note explained was normally an anti-psychotic, but in small doses was useful in controlling nausea and vomiting, and it was safe for her 'particular physique'. The chlorpromazine was only to be used as a last resort though. Beth had to laugh when her last sentence was a warning of ‘No vodka!’.

The agents were puzzled as to why Borgov’s wife would send this. The note did not mention anything about pregnancy. It just addressed her nausea. Beth explained that she was a doctor and was just sending her something for her upset stomach. That seemed to satisfy them.

She had almost forgotten, but she hadn’t had any cravings for the pills or alcohol in a long time. Even the smell of alcohol was starting to annoy her.

The hotel staff started leaving more bottles of water and tea, making sure they were always available. Trays of small sandwiches and snacks were also left in their room. The agents checked it all out of course, but they were sure the Russians weren’t trying anything. They understood how popular she was.

From the gossip they could pick up on, the people were not so concerned about a Soviet retaining the world title. The majority of them still did want that, but she was so popular that many would be not be too disturbed if she won, especially among the women.

Beth followed the advice Dr. Borgova gave her, and her symptoms and tiredness began to fade.Two days later, for the third game, when Beth walked into the hall with the applause following her, she stepped off to one side momentarily and greeted Svetlana Borgova, softly speaking to her in Russian, kissing both cheeks, then giving her a hug and thanking her for her help. She smiled in appreciation as Beth took her seat at the table. Borgov followed, smiling a little himself before assuming his game face and sitting down. As White, she started with P-Q4, and he replied with a Slav Defense. It was a hard fought battle through thirty-nine moves which ended in another draw.

For the fourth game the next day, she played a Grunfeld Defense and on the eighteenth move surprised him with a pawn advance he had not expected. It was later discovered that her move created a completely new game, never before seen, and was sure to be studied fiercely in the coming days. It started a brilliant king side attack from which he could not recover, and he resigned on the twenty-ninth move. It was the first sign of her intuitive play to arise in the match. The fifth and sixth games also ended in draws.

For all six games, just like at the Invitational, Beth had to navigate through a horde of people all shouting “Harmon! Harmon!”, as she entered or exited the building when she traveled. She signed as many autographs as she was able. Benny and her state department escorts always stayed close to shield her as much as they could. The first phase was now over. Now, it was back to the US. 

Play resumed five days later in the Hudson Hotel where the US championship had been held. The State department made sure that the proper furniture and chess set as agreed upon by both parties were provided. Russian security was tight and Borgov and his wife were well protected by a cadre of Russian agents. American security was also heavy and they coordinated well with the Russians to let things run smoothly. The room was large, though still smaller than the auditorium in Russia, but it was packed with spectators who politely clapped for Borgov when he was introduced, and then would wildly cheer Beth when she came on stage. She was a little startled by that, and annoyed. Why couldn’t they just clap instead of raising the roof? In between games, they stayed in the hotel where they could be guarded. The Borgovs and their attendants of course went back to the Russian Embassy in New York. 

The medicines were working well, and the morning sickness had pretty much gone away, which was fortunate as the twelve games were a slugfest. She only had to use the Chlorpromazine twice. She was holding her own in the endgame with Borgov. Both of them played to their strengths. He stuck to the lines he knew better than anyone else as Beth tried to find new infiltrating ways to break his position. Most of the time she could not, but she also did not make any mistakes, save one. She lost game ten on that lone mistake moving the king bishop pawn up when she shouldn’t have, and Borgov pounced on it, forcing her to resign in thirty-two moves. Borgov later had one of his handlers check with Benny to make sure she was all right. Benny reassured him she was quite irritated by her mistake, but was feeling well.

Then everyone became astonished when he lost games thirteen and sixteen where Beth played surprising new moves. Benny just watched in wonder when Beth would suddenly go into her trance state, sometimes just closing her eyes as she thought, but also she would look at the ceiling, calculating the game, figuring every single possibility. In both those games, the surprising midgame move she made had never been played before, again creating new games altogether.

In game seventeen, Borgov played a Benoni opening as Black. His twelfth move was an unusual one, rarely played, but not unknown. Beth was about to respond with the usual standard book response when she suddenly stopped. Something was not right about the game position. She went into a long think and then the trance, which took thirty seven minutes. When she looked back down, she played a completely unknown move. Borgov actually blinked in surprise. She later found out that it was a game that had only been played in Russia, a line in which they tried to trap her as she could not have ever seen the game before. Yet she somehow smoked out the right move to force a draw. The eighteenth game was also a draw. A new nickname had been slowly going through the Russians. They had started calling her _Chelovecheskiy vychislitel'naya mashina,_ the human computing machine.

She led 9½ to 8½. They flew back to Russia for the final six games. As before, Beth was greeted at the hotel by an adoring crowd yelling her name. She did her best to greet them and give a few autographs before being whisked away by Benny into the hotel. They were put in their previous room and the staff began to see to her needs as before. Benny made sure she rested and continued to follow Dr. Borgova’s advice. The nineteenth game was played with Beth as White. Borgov played a French defense that went through the standard moves eleven times. His eleventh move was a less commonly played one, and Beth again started to reach out and play the usual standard book response, but then paused. She couldn't say exactly what triggered her suspicion, but something wasn't right. She again went into her trance state for sixteen minutes. When she came out of it, she made a new move, again never before seen. Vasily Borgov smiled and shook his head. He had tried yet another line from a game only published in Russia. This game was also played to a hard fought draw.

Then the twentieth game was started. As Black, she stunned the world yet again with a completely new innovation of the King’s Indian Defense that seemed to follow the Petrosian variation, until she executed a completely different move in the midgame. As in the past, it had never been played before. She won it in thirty-five moves.

And then she won again two times more, solely on her instinctual play. In his entire career, Vasily Borgov had never lost two games in a row at all, much less three times straight to the same opponent, until now. As he sat and considered the last position he was in on the twenty-second game, he took nearly thirty minutes trying to find a way out of the mating net Beth had created when finally he relaxed and sighed.

He looked up at her with a smile, and like he had in the Invitational he picked up his white king and held it out.

 _“It’s your game again, Zaya....._ ”, he said softly in Russian.

She gazed at him, the joy evident on her face as she reached out and held on to his hand.

" _Spacibo, Papa. Spacibo",_ she said softly, her eyes glistening.

The crowd woke up with a roar as they applauded her. As he helped her up, Beth dove into his arms, kissing his cheeks and hugging him as tight as she could.

Then she turned and embraced Benny, kissing him in celebration.

***

The news conference back in America was held at the Hudson Hotel, where she was a guest of the Manhattan Chess Club. The reporters peppered her with questions about her marriage, when it occurred, details about their relationship and how it happened. For the most part, she gave out as little information as she could. Benny was beside her, holding her hand, staying silent. Eventually they ventured to chess.

“Mrs. Watts, When―”

Benny interrupted, “Her professional name is still Ms. Elizabeth Harmon. Please use that.”

She looked at him in surprise, smiling. He whispered in her ear, “I don’t want it to look like you are dependent on me in any way. In private matters, it’s okay, not professionally. This is yours, and yours alone.”

She mouthed ‘thank you’ to him as the reporter began again.

"Ms. Harmon, your record with Mr. Borgov before the championship was one win, two draws, and four losses. How did you think you could turn the tables and defeat him?"

"I was still growing in my chess ability during those times. I was barely seventeen years old when I first played him. I simply was not ready. As the years went by, I kept improving until I got to the point I was competitive enough to win. My goal was to accomplish that before I entered this championship series."

"In addition to your chess playing abilities, you've become well known for your fashion sense and glamour. Was this any part of your strategy to win?

She smiled, thinking the question was inane, but she had gotten used to the fact that it was always going to be asked, repetitively.

"Of course not.", She said calmly, "My appearance, and for that matter my gender, are of no consequence in playing the game of chess. I think I've proven that. It simply isn't necessary to win, especially considering the queen is already the most powerful piece on or off the board."

There was laughter at her quip....

"So your appearance had no effect at all?"

Beth shrugged, "Why should it? Can't a girl just dress up?"

There was more laughter.

“Ms. Harmon, What are your thoughts on former world champion Vasily Borgov?”

She didn’t answer immediately, her head bowed for a few seconds, before raising it and saying. “Vasily Borgov is a world champion, period, as is his predecessor, Dmitri Luchenko. He is the best chess player I have ever faced. They are two of the best chess players to have ever lived, and great representatives of their country. They are also two of the finest gentleman I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing, and it is my honor to follow in their footsteps.”

“How do you plan on defending your title?”

“As vigorously as possible.”

Laughter filtered through the room again.

“Do you plan on returning to Russia?”

“I hope I will be allowed to go back. The world of chess in Russia is so strong. It is a great pleasure to play there, and I hope to do it often.”

“Given the tensions between the USSR and the US, do you think that’s possible?”

“I’m only a chess player. It is not my intention to promote any political view or position in any way. I leave that to the politicians and the governments. I just hope that I can visit for the sake of love for the game itself.”

“Will there be a resurgence of American chess now that you’re world champion?”

“I certainly hope so. Benny and I will be working to do just that.”

‘Ms. Harmon, Ms. Harmon,”, piped up a new face in the back., “Will you be planning on having children?”

The room got very quiet.

Beth was taken by surprise for a moment, then said, “My husband and I are discussing it. That is all I wish to say on the matter.”

The reporter persisted, “So are you pregnant now?”

Murmurs went through the room as Beth paused, looking displeased. Somebody got greedy and sold them out, she thought. Probably at the hospital.

Benny leaned over, “Just say no, then we can leave.”

He started to get up but she put her arm on his and stopped him. She looked at him, shaking her head 'no'. He sat back down.

Beth took a deep breath and looked back out over the crowd.

“Yes, I am. My husband and I are expecting, sometime early next year.

The room exploded with questions, all shouted at the same time. She couldn’t understand them, until one did filter through the din.

“So you played for the world championship while you were pregnant?”

She smiled and said, “Yes, I certainly did.”

The room exploded with questions again, but Benny had had it.

He got up, helping Beth to rise and saying, “That’s enough! Thank you all!”

They left the stage area and were escorted out of the hotel. They soon were able to reach the limousine which took them to Oakdale.

***

The prize money for the world championship was $350,000. Half of it came from the federations themselves and/or the governments. The other half came from private sources interested in chess who had pledged to match the funds already promised. With the money they would earn from multiple interviews and exhibitions, and investing all of it prudently, they would not have to worry about money for the remainder of their lives. Benny had enough connections to be able to invest it well. After the match, her FIDE rating came back at 2892, the highest ever seen. Borgov came back as 2816.

In September, she was allowed to travel to Russia as guests of the government, and spent two weeks with the Borgovs at their dacha. Vasily and Svetlana welcomed them with great hospitality, and Beth fell in love with them all over again. Before the championship, she had only met Vasily a few times, when they played, and only spoken to him three times other than that, yet by then she knew instantly he would be like a father to her, as he considered her the daughter he didn’t have since he only had two sons, the older one not coming with them to Mexico City back in 1966 as he was in school. It was because they were chess players, and so knew each other almost instantly.

Beth had just started to show and the Borgovs tried to spoil her to the point Beth had to show them she could do for herself, thank you very much, but she loved them for it. They spent their time playing, analyzing games, discussing theory, eating well and drinking vodka, except for Beth of course. It was good for Benny too. Vasily considered him an exceptional player, but there were still a few things he could be taught, which Benny absorbed with gusto. It also gave Benny good practice in speaking Russian.

Vasily also emphasized to Beth that winning the title was only the beginning. Keeping it was going to be a significantly more difficult task. Technically, he could not directly assist her. Her challenger in three years would almost certainly be Russian, and so it was his duty to assist the challenger. But Beth was also very popular with the Russian people, so the government might allow her some leeway, especially considering she wished to come back to play, and she was willing to help with their up and coming players as much as she would American players. They might let him or Dmitri be one of her seconds. All they could do was wait and see.

One day, during a second visit, Beth was allowed to go to the Moscow park where the people had first really fallen in love with her. This time, of course, access to the venue was restricted to prevent any kind of mob scene, and she went and again met all the old men there, who received her once more with great joy. They played and played well into the night, before she had to say goodbye and be brought back to the dacha. It was one of the most memorable moments she would ever have in her life. By this time, of course, she was showing quite a bit. But it was only cause for further joy for everyone who met her. She and Benny hated having to leave, as did the Borgovs, but they promised to come back when they could.

Back in the US, Beth finally agreed to see Dr. Feinstein. She later told Benny that it was very helpful to her. Benny grinned to himself because he thought Ray did it so he could play more chess with her. When he asked him, Ray grinned and confirmed it, saying, “Well, that was my professional fee.”

They decided to move in with Evelyn, at least until the baby was born. But Beth decided afterward this was where she wanted to live. In Oakdale, she had a sense of family which the old house in Lexington never really had. Evelyn was pleased to have them both there as well. She insisted on them having the master bedroom and she moved her things into Benny's old room.

In October, she received a call from Lexington. It was her brother, Chris, his voice very tentative and unsure. His father (she refused to think of him as hers) had finally told him and his mother who Beth was. Apparently, a reporter had approached Paul Stanfield and asked him about Beth. He was forced to tell his family about her before it came out in the news.

It caused a great deal of heartache in both Chris and his mother, as Paul Stanfield must have told them everything. Beth thought he was too scared to try and hide anything, fearing what she would say if he tried. At least his wife did not leave him, for which Beth was thankful. Chris needed that stability. She flew him out to New York and with Benny met him at the airport, smiling with tears in her eyes as she hugged him close, and he was just as emotional. 

He spent a week with them in Oakdale and they had a wonderful time getting to know each other, learning about their lives, and of course playing chess. He was so excited about becoming an uncle too. He wasn’t a bad player, about a 1600 rating, Beth thought. He so loved having two grandmasters teaching him, one of them the world champion. She thought she could get him up to 1800 pretty quickly. He would have some stories to tell when he got home.

William Vasily Dmitri Watts was born on February 2, 1973. Those names were the only ones that made sense to her. With Mr. Shaibel, Vasily, and Dmitri, they were the only real fathers and grandfather Beth ever had known, who had ever really helped her in their own way. When they phoned the news back to Russia, Vasily was overjoyed and said he would pass the news on to Dmitri. He hoped they could come back as soon as they could. He so wanted see the baby, and he ordered Beth to send pictures.

***

One day, Benny was washing up in the kitchen and looked out the window. Beth was outside in the gazebo with the baby. She was holding him to her, breast-feeding as she was looking over a chess board, playing. He thought it such a remarkable scene that he got his camera and shot the picture. It was an incredibly beautiful moment to him. 

That made him remember a conversation he recently had with Dr. Feinstein. Beth did talk to him enough for him to venture a guess about her condition, to try and diagnose her. Benny wanted to know because of the drug seeking behavior, and Beth had already given him permission to talk to him about it.

Ray thought there was no question that she had suffered from the trauma of severe isolation in her early childhood. That near total isolation followed by the unfeeling rigid authoritarianism of the orphanage was enough to make her withdraw from society almost completely, significantly damaging her self esteem, and that made her afraid to reach out for fear of getting hurt, yet she would risk that to achieve a goal. He pointed out how difficult that was for her as she would always be wary when she met people she didn’t know.

For years, chess was her only refuge. She was introverted, but not antisocial. She didn’t flaunt the rules or hurt others intentionally except at severe need, and even then her actions were passive at worst. She was overly sensitive to how others felt due to her low self esteem, which greatly contributed to her being alone, avoiding people in general, though she would sometimes want to join other groups she found attractive. Usually, she found no commonality with them. It was one of the reasons Beth and the Chess Federation did not get along well. It made her so anxious to do all the public events they wanted her to do, and she avoided doing them as much as she could if it did not directly involve just playing chess.

However, it was her gifts that really sparked Ray's thinking about her.

He asked Benny if he knew what autism was. Benny didn’t. Ray explained that these were individuals who had developmental neuropsychiatric disorders of variable severity that were characterized by difficulty in social interaction and communication, and by restricted or repetitive patterns of thought and behavior that could be seen as obsessive and/or compulsive, severe cases being so bad they required total support like invalids and small children.

  
He explained how many of them also had spectacular abilities like instant multiplication and exceptional math performance or memory, able to perform spectacular feats of mental strength, memory, and computation. In the case in one such man, someone grabbed a handful of toothpicks and threw them on the floor. He was able to instantly tell exactly how many toothpicks there were. Another such person was functioning sufficiently socially that if accompanied by his brother, he did well enough away from his institution on visits, though the brother had to watch him like a small child of four or five. But that man was also able to remember cards so well that his brother took him to Las Vegas and won a fortune at Blackjack before the casinos could figure it out. Some of them could play instruments like virtuosos, memorize entire books, or work incredible math problems in their heads that trained mathematicians could not do without aids like computers and calculators.

Yet even with these gifts, they were hampered by other deficits in their psyche such that they were unable to interact socially, which often rendered them unable to care for themselves or even communicate effectively with others, if at all. Some had to be dressed and fed like small children all their lives. They were often called ‘idiot savants’. Ray didn’t like the term as he felt it was pejorative and demeaning.

Benny was confused, saying that none of this sounded like Beth. Ray replied he was right. But he had been researching the works of an Austrian doctor named Asperger who in the 1940's had described a group of similar children who had phenomenal abilities like other autistics had, but were much higher functioning, able to interact well in society like “normal” people. They could be independent, support themselves, have jobs and families, and function well enough on their own to get by. However they also still tended to have difficulty in social situations to some degree, sometimes not able to fit in that well into society, and who tended to be loners and distrustful of people. They could be very literal in their thinking and not understand slang, metaphorical language, or figurative speech, exactly as Benny had once described Beth's thinking. They also could have repetitive obsessive-like behaviors. Language skills were often below normal, but not always.

Yet these children could still exhibit and demonstrate incredible feats of mental discipline, calculation and analysis, like playing grandmaster level chess and doing complex calculations instantly, like Beth was able to do. Present psychological thought was that this condition was part of the “spectrum” of autism and these people were classified as having ‘higher functioning autism’.

Benny asked if he thought Beth had this condition, and Dr. Feinstein shrugged, unsure. He tended to think so, but there were not quite enough signs other than what he described that would solidly satisfy the diagnosis in his mind. The diagnosis was also relatively new and the exact criteria for it had not yet been determined, so it was still possible. Her ability to function in society, which was more difficult for her than was normal, could just have been due only to her difficult childhood and lack of support such that her advancement in social skills would always be permanently impaired, but this did not explain her gifts. It did not rule out the diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome, as this particular condition was now being called.

Benny wondered about that. Beth certainly had no problems being able to take care of herself alone, but only minimally. She never remembered any of the professionals or officials they dealt with, such as lawyers, accountants, financial advisors, and officials with the Chess Federation. Therefore she never really had a clue to any business dealings that normally had to be done, much less those being the world champion necessitated. He handled all that for her. She barely remembered the names of her doctor and hairdresser. 

She didn’t want to get a driver's license. She paid no attention to outside events, unless chess was involved and did not remember about other upcoming events until someone reminded her, usually at the last minute. She did like to eat out sometimes, and occasionally went to a concert or movie though only if Benny was with her. Basically she just shut the rest of the world out of her life as much as she could, other than the necessary things she wanted; family, chess, security, safety, Benny, the baby.....

As to her drug seeking behavior, Ray thought that was simply a cry for help, a reaction to crises in her life. Would there be a risk of her relapsing? That was true for any recovering addict. But in her case, she would be fine if her loved ones stayed by her and supported her.

Overall, the best diagnosis Ray could give him was that she was an introvert, nonsocial, and withdrawn due to her childhood trauma, but with a husband and a child she was starting to adjust better, “coming out of her shell” as one might say. Her self esteem had markedly improved with the birth of their son. Benny had to agree. Their son had brought out a side of her that was protective and loving.

Benny knew it still would be a challenge for her as things would change as their son grew up, but he would guide her through those changes, and he hoped she would want one or two more children. Mainly, he wanted her protected from all of those things that would stress her so much more than they would most people. He thought to himself, ‘She does best just staying on the chessboard. I’ll take care of everything else.’

Over the years, Ray would always wonder if the Asperger's Syndrome diagnosis was actually the right one because of her amazing gifts. Benny had asked if she would need some kind of treatment or therapy. Ray had just smiled and said, “You know, I think you and your son are all the treatment she needs.”

He looked out at his wife again. She was sitting on her favorite iron work chair, her legs tucked up onto it, cushions keeping her comfortable, and a quilt covering her lap and legs. The baby, well covered with blankets of his own, was gently tucked in to her breast, and she was serenely looking back to the child and then moving pieces on the chess board. He had never seen her happier.

He smiled. They were all the treatment he needed too.


End file.
